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Victimhood / Martyrdom vs Boundaries
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 637432" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Cedar,</p><p></p><p>it is very very yucky when people are gratuitously mean to us. Once I was waiting in a car at a curb to get my boys when they got off the subway...it was a wide street, maybe even 5 lanes, and plenty of traffic flow. A cab pulled up beside me and rolled down his window....I rolled my passenger window down in response and leaned forward, smiling and questioning, to see how I could help him...and he said f- you and gave me the finger. </p><p></p><p>I felt the shock of that to my bones.</p><p></p><p>For weeks.</p><p></p><p>I can still feel it (it was a couple of years ago). </p><p></p><p>Really vicious, uncalled for, unexpected meanness is shocking. It is painful. It gets into us. The more so, the most so, when it comes from some one who knows us. I guess the most of all when it comes from some one we nurtured.</p><p></p><p>Once in a bad time my SO told his ex wife (she was ex even then) that I was a bad mother...that, as she told me a later, I had "a thief, an alcoholic, and one who would be with me forever...how could I even call myself a mother."</p><p></p><p>I've never gotten over that. </p><p></p><p>And I didn't even know her (ex). It still makes me sort of sick to think about.</p><p></p><p>I guess.... these anecdotes are just to say that for some of us, especially we vulnerable, or gullible, or sweet if you want to call us that (or dumb!) just aren't protected in anyway from that ugly, and it feels like we have been burned by acid, marked forever.</p><p></p><p>And if it comes from our kid? Burned forever.</p><p></p><p>And for you it opened all the door to grief and guilt on top of it...(that didn't happen with the cab driver), so hard to dig yourself back up out of the hole.</p><p></p><p>But you are doing it. I can see it in your posts. I can hear you parsing things, turning the prism, looking from different angles, seeing light here, scrathces and damage there....doing what you do.</p><p></p><p>And it wil make you whole again. You will be whole again. </p><p></p><p>I would cleverly insert quotes from your posts here but my post inserter technique is failing.</p><p></p><p>Holding you in my heart today. We will give you strength, and, as you said to me on more than one winter night last year..we are circling the wagons. You can feel us.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 637432, member: 17269"] Cedar, it is very very yucky when people are gratuitously mean to us. Once I was waiting in a car at a curb to get my boys when they got off the subway...it was a wide street, maybe even 5 lanes, and plenty of traffic flow. A cab pulled up beside me and rolled down his window....I rolled my passenger window down in response and leaned forward, smiling and questioning, to see how I could help him...and he said f- you and gave me the finger. I felt the shock of that to my bones. For weeks. I can still feel it (it was a couple of years ago). Really vicious, uncalled for, unexpected meanness is shocking. It is painful. It gets into us. The more so, the most so, when it comes from some one who knows us. I guess the most of all when it comes from some one we nurtured. Once in a bad time my SO told his ex wife (she was ex even then) that I was a bad mother...that, as she told me a later, I had "a thief, an alcoholic, and one who would be with me forever...how could I even call myself a mother." I've never gotten over that. And I didn't even know her (ex). It still makes me sort of sick to think about. I guess.... these anecdotes are just to say that for some of us, especially we vulnerable, or gullible, or sweet if you want to call us that (or dumb!) just aren't protected in anyway from that ugly, and it feels like we have been burned by acid, marked forever. And if it comes from our kid? Burned forever. And for you it opened all the door to grief and guilt on top of it...(that didn't happen with the cab driver), so hard to dig yourself back up out of the hole. But you are doing it. I can see it in your posts. I can hear you parsing things, turning the prism, looking from different angles, seeing light here, scrathces and damage there....doing what you do. And it wil make you whole again. You will be whole again. I would cleverly insert quotes from your posts here but my post inserter technique is failing. Holding you in my heart today. We will give you strength, and, as you said to me on more than one winter night last year..we are circling the wagons. You can feel us. Echo [/QUOTE]
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