Violent 4 Year Old Niece

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JustNeedToKnow, Oct 3, 2015.

  1. JustNeedToKnow

    JustNeedToKnow New Member

    Hi everyone,
    I have been reading some posts about children with Reactive Attachment Disorder and I think this is what my niece has. My brother got full custody of my niece as her mother was reglecting her and had a drug addiction. My niece would have been about 2 & a half. Before my brother got her into his care she was basically fending for herself. There was no food in the cupboards, the house was a mess, her mother was on drugs and basically did not care about her daughter. I have my suspicions that there was sexual abuse as there were numerous men coming and going and sometimes she was left in the care of these men. During the pregnancy her mother also abused drugs and alcohol and sometimes didn't eat as she wanted to remain slim. My nieces mother also has an addiction personality and is a compulsive liar. I doubt that is all that is wrong with her mentally. When my brother first got his daughter back into his care she would wake up and have hysterical episodes which she would not snap out of, an ambulance was called until a bang on the wall snapped her out of it and she acted like nothing happened. She always wet the bed and would wee her pants but act like there was nothing wrong with this. Her tantrums are huge, they involve kicking, screaming and she refuses to be consoled. Her eating habits and extremely messy, she shoves so much food in her mouth that she has to be forced to spit it out, and she also has tantrums if she doesn't get food. When I was living in the same household as my niece, my daughter (she is a year older then my niece) and my niece were playing and my niece ended up screaming at my daughter and scratching her which drew blood. Fast forward from when my niece was 2 & a half to now, she is 5 in march. My brother is now living with his partner who has two twin boys who are a few months older then my niece. My brothers partner has recently confided in my mother saying that my niece is like a demon. She smears poop on her bedroom walls, when asked to go for a wee she will instead urinate where she stands, she doesn't listen to my brothers partner, tries to cause fights between my brother & his partner, hits her children and when they hit her back she acts like shes done nothing wrong, when she found out my brothers partner was pregnant she punched her in the stomach, she bites & scratches, she spits at her stepmum. When I lived her my niece I caught her trying to poke my cats eyes, pulled his tail, squeezing him until he would meow and pulling his whiskers. Also to my youngest daughter (around 8 months old at the time) she would stand on her hands and smile. Please any advice would her helpful
     
  2. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    First does she goes to therapy? They can help her and some medications can calm her down but I do not know if that is a good idea since her mother has a addictive personality and some medications can be addictive and at such a young age being such a thing is not gonna be pretty especially if she develops resistance but better then nothing.
    About how she was at 2 and a half that kinda normal consider the abuse she had to endure after all she knew she had to survive and that is the only way she knew how at least when she lived with her mother.
    Now how was she before your brother brought his new partner besides what you mentioned? Was she easier to deal with?
     
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    We aren't professionals here - just other parents - but your description of the circumstances really does sound like Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Therapists in general do not understand this - she will need professional help from those who really understand Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Some foreign-adoption web sites may have more information about this.

    You may also find some good past threads on this web site, by searching for "attach-china" or some combination of that.
     
  4. JustNeedToKnow

    JustNeedToKnow New Member

    No she doesn't go to therapy as my brother refuses to believe that his daughter needs help. Me & him don't talk as I tried to tell him that there is something wrong with his child, he got very angry about it all. I completely understand considering what she went through but I was involved in my nieces life before her mother became addicted to drugs and even as a baby I sensed that there was something not right about this child.
    Before my brothers partner was involved my niece was not as violent but I mainly kept my children away from her as I had seen her habit of standing on or grabbing my youngest daughter when she thought no one was watching. She also still tried to provoke my children like she does with her step brothers. I think as she is getting older her behaviour is getting worse. My brothers partner said she is scared for her children and herself because of my nieces violence with them.
     
  5. JustNeedToKnow

    JustNeedToKnow New Member

    Yes I have spent alot of time reading some past threads about dealing with the same behaviour my niece is doing. Thank you so much I will look into both of those
     
  6. Rannveig

    Rannveig Member

    So sorry, JustNeedToKnow, your niece sounds very seriously ill -- hardly surprising in light of what she had been through before your brother got custody and the stressful changes (however positive) since then. If she were your own child I'd say you needed to get her into intensive emotional and behavioral therapy, but I understand you don't have that power from where you are. That said, your brother's partner sounds as though she's reaching out to you for help and thus might be a good ally. Could she influence your brother to get treatment for your niece, if only out of care and concern for his partner and her children? Alternatively, have you thought about reaching out to social services to intervene? Is your niece in school yet, and do you have any idea of how she's doing there and whether it has drawn attention?

    I know it hurts to see your niece hurting. Sending good wishes your way--
     
  7. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    Because she is not even 5 yet I doubt she is in school. Kindergarden maybe.
     
  8. JustNeedToKnow

    JustNeedToKnow New Member

    Yes she is, and she just seems to be getting worse. Exactly, her mother has done alot of damage to my niece. I completely agree, but like you said I am powerless at the moment. My brothers partner really does need help, she cares for my niece while my brother works and is getting the brunt of the violence and the anger. She has tried to talk to my brother but is so far in denial he won't listen. But she is going to talk to a psychologist without his knowledge about the behaviours my niece is exhibiting. She is not in school but is in kindergarten. I wouldn't no how she is there though.
    Thank you so much :)
     
  9. JustNeedToKnow

    JustNeedToKnow New Member

    She is in kindergarten at the moment
     
Loading...