TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
Givemesleep, I'm so sorry.
My son used to threaten to kill me, too, and for about a yr, I was afraid of him. But most of the time, he was just unable to express his anger and rage and sense of unfairness in any other way.
I would sit down with-your difficult child and tell him that from now on, the next time he draws headstones of your imminent deaths or says he wants to kill you, he loses his favorite ... whatever (TV show, video game, stuffed animal) and also has to write 100 times, "I am sorry for putting your name on a headstone."
Sadly, I have hundreds of notes like that, but the good news is, it kept my son occupied for about 1/2 hr at a time
, and also improved his handwriting. Did it improve his behavior? Not much, until he realized that we would not back down. (We returned his PS2 or whatever, after he wrote the apologies and we were sure that at least for the moment, he was calm. It was a lot of back-and-forth stuff but that's the only thing he understood. IT had to be in the moment. Just explaining that threatening to kill someone isn't good enough for these kids. They don't get it. )
Also, you have to give him an alternative way to express his anger at you. "I AM SO MAD AT YOU, I WISH YOU WOULD DISAPPEAR!" is far more palatable than "I want to kill you!"
He has to learn this in the home, first, because if he gets to school and starts that stuff, he's in over his head. Know what I mean??
My son used to threaten to kill me, too, and for about a yr, I was afraid of him. But most of the time, he was just unable to express his anger and rage and sense of unfairness in any other way.
I would sit down with-your difficult child and tell him that from now on, the next time he draws headstones of your imminent deaths or says he wants to kill you, he loses his favorite ... whatever (TV show, video game, stuffed animal) and also has to write 100 times, "I am sorry for putting your name on a headstone."
Sadly, I have hundreds of notes like that, but the good news is, it kept my son occupied for about 1/2 hr at a time
, and also improved his handwriting. Did it improve his behavior? Not much, until he realized that we would not back down. (We returned his PS2 or whatever, after he wrote the apologies and we were sure that at least for the moment, he was calm. It was a lot of back-and-forth stuff but that's the only thing he understood. IT had to be in the moment. Just explaining that threatening to kill someone isn't good enough for these kids. They don't get it. )Also, you have to give him an alternative way to express his anger at you. "I AM SO MAD AT YOU, I WISH YOU WOULD DISAPPEAR!" is far more palatable than "I want to kill you!"
He has to learn this in the home, first, because if he gets to school and starts that stuff, he's in over his head. Know what I mean??
