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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 255833" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>We don't qualify for CASA. Apparently there is a big shortage of people in CASA here and they are working only with abused and neeglected kids.</p><p></p><p>I meant more like someone tracking how casees turn out and what methods were used- even just for statistics but more than just the number who went back into incarceration from probation. I just would not want to see this ever happen again to another difficult child/family. I think it was completely uncalled for.</p><p></p><p>I started raising flags with the PO in November. She knew difficult child was tdo'd for self-harming in Dec. She knew I was calling all over the state trying to get more help and when I learnedd that anything had to come thru her, I askeed her if she could do something. She told me she wasn't going to do anything- if she had thought it was needed, she would have already done it. When difficult child was in psychiatric hospital in Jan they tried to contact her, she never responded. I wrote the letter to the judge, then the county let me set up a county meeting but the PO was there and apparentl;y already had everything set her way. She ordered inhome, even though I had put in my letter to judge and told the county people that our problems went way beyond that need at that point- difficult child had been in acute psychiatric hospital twice in less than a month. PO said she didn't ccare. Her super said he didn't care. I know I was on the board here complaining about it, but I never refused it to PO. I just told her and her super that I didn't think we would make it time-wise. She had an initial introducotry meeting set up for 3 weeks later. I had called the place she ordered services from and the therapist was supposed to call me back but never did. Less than a week later this happened and she's trying to claim that I was eeither uncooperative or refused those services. I don't know if anyone has looked at dates to see that it was impossible because we never even made it to the date she had set. And of course, if I hadn't been raising those red flags and something had happened, she would have blamed me for not keeping her informed.</p><p></p><p>I knew she thought everything was my fault- I went through a long period of time trying to be as nice as I could, showing how willing I was to try to do EVERY little thing her way, etc. But you know, if someone doesn't trust you or has it in their head that you are a certain way, no amount of jumping through hoops will change their mind. I honestly do not know what I could have done differently- or what I could do now to get this gal to trust me. Taking that personality test woiuld not have done it. Whatever might have shown up would have just lead gal to say "see- that is the problem", whether or not it had anything to do with difficult child. I tried to have a sit-down discussion with her about what was in difficult child's best interst 2-3 weeks ago (per difficult child's defense attny's suggestion) and she never responded to my request.</p><p></p><p>Getting a different set of people involved, if that's even possible, is the only way I see to prevent going back to the same situation when difficult child gets out of state custody. They have already ddropped hints to me and difficult child that when he gets out, if I'm not willing to jump through their hoops, difficult child will be turned over to dss. Again, "their hoops" are based on them believing this is all my fault and they want to dictate everything in our lives and keep me under a microscope or else they can't feel comfortable with difficult child being at home. Well, to me, that won't make them any more comfortable because the real problem is that they refuse to see this as anything other than my fault. I say that because this entire subject was also thoroughly discussed a year ago during my testimony, I did everything that PO said and that was ordered and still, when difficult child became unstable, I am the one that is blamed. And, beleiving that kept PO from taking any action when I was basicly begging for help before things got to this point. Believeing that has kept gal from advocating for psychiatric Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for difficult child, which was recommended by his psychiatrist. Believing that has the PO and gal telling difficult child that his illegal activity, pulling a knife out on me, and resullting punishment is his mom's fault, in so many words.</p><p></p><p>The only thing I can think of is to offer to do a THOROUGH assessment, not just one written personality test, but one that includes an oral interview and with someone who we both (the system and me) are comfortable with (not someone that they've already convinced that I'm the problem) and with someone who reviews difficult child's history and our interaction to determine what I might be doing or not doing that's contributing to the problem. I discussed this with the last psychiatrist and he said they did not do that there but it could be done (the interaction part) through family therapy. I was going to address this when the issue of me breaking the court order came up. Can anyone think of anything else I can do that really addresses the root of the problem? I had already offered to take a urine test for drugs at any time if they thought that was the problem. They can check and see I have NO arrest record and there have never been any concerns of abuse or neglect reported or expressed by any professionals involved. </p><p></p><p>Another thing I'm a little concerned about- difficult child said that the person who evaluation'd him Monday to see if he should go back to psychiatric hospital for a while told him that the only reason she tdo'd him before was because I said he needed medication changes. That isn't true. Then she told him that if they could help him at psychiatric hospital, they would have already done it so he wasn't going back. She told him if he cut himself or wanted to commit suicide, he'd get locked in his room by himself. Obviously, they are going to try the all behavior mod approach here. I haven't made issue yet, but what if they are wrong about it? If difficult child feels suicidal, who will he tell now? What if they just find him dead one day? If I'm just being over-protective, why did psychiatrist say that state Department of Juvenile Justice would be detrimental to difficult child? The mental health person told me that difficult child did not need to go back to psychiatric hospital and that they were working with him to help him on coping skills.</p><p></p><p>No matter how things are handled, I still have a problem sending a message to difficult child that my issues justified him pulling a knife out on me. I wasn't abusing him and we weren't argueing or even in the same rooom when he walked into the room where I was a pulled the knife out and demanded cigs. I don't have the backing of uniformed staff at home. And don't think for a second that difficult child doesn't know that people in the system blame me instead of him no matter what he does. It hoovers being in a position where unless something major changes while he's in their custody, he will either coome home still knowing that or will be turned over to dss/my bro. This is why I'm trying to figure out if there is something I can do while he's in there to prevent a worse situation upon his release.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 255833, member: 3699"] We don't qualify for CASA. Apparently there is a big shortage of people in CASA here and they are working only with abused and neeglected kids. I meant more like someone tracking how casees turn out and what methods were used- even just for statistics but more than just the number who went back into incarceration from probation. I just would not want to see this ever happen again to another difficult child/family. I think it was completely uncalled for. I started raising flags with the PO in November. She knew difficult child was tdo'd for self-harming in Dec. She knew I was calling all over the state trying to get more help and when I learnedd that anything had to come thru her, I askeed her if she could do something. She told me she wasn't going to do anything- if she had thought it was needed, she would have already done it. When difficult child was in psychiatric hospital in Jan they tried to contact her, she never responded. I wrote the letter to the judge, then the county let me set up a county meeting but the PO was there and apparentl;y already had everything set her way. She ordered inhome, even though I had put in my letter to judge and told the county people that our problems went way beyond that need at that point- difficult child had been in acute psychiatric hospital twice in less than a month. PO said she didn't ccare. Her super said he didn't care. I know I was on the board here complaining about it, but I never refused it to PO. I just told her and her super that I didn't think we would make it time-wise. She had an initial introducotry meeting set up for 3 weeks later. I had called the place she ordered services from and the therapist was supposed to call me back but never did. Less than a week later this happened and she's trying to claim that I was eeither uncooperative or refused those services. I don't know if anyone has looked at dates to see that it was impossible because we never even made it to the date she had set. And of course, if I hadn't been raising those red flags and something had happened, she would have blamed me for not keeping her informed. I knew she thought everything was my fault- I went through a long period of time trying to be as nice as I could, showing how willing I was to try to do EVERY little thing her way, etc. But you know, if someone doesn't trust you or has it in their head that you are a certain way, no amount of jumping through hoops will change their mind. I honestly do not know what I could have done differently- or what I could do now to get this gal to trust me. Taking that personality test woiuld not have done it. Whatever might have shown up would have just lead gal to say "see- that is the problem", whether or not it had anything to do with difficult child. I tried to have a sit-down discussion with her about what was in difficult child's best interst 2-3 weeks ago (per difficult child's defense attny's suggestion) and she never responded to my request. Getting a different set of people involved, if that's even possible, is the only way I see to prevent going back to the same situation when difficult child gets out of state custody. They have already ddropped hints to me and difficult child that when he gets out, if I'm not willing to jump through their hoops, difficult child will be turned over to dss. Again, "their hoops" are based on them believing this is all my fault and they want to dictate everything in our lives and keep me under a microscope or else they can't feel comfortable with difficult child being at home. Well, to me, that won't make them any more comfortable because the real problem is that they refuse to see this as anything other than my fault. I say that because this entire subject was also thoroughly discussed a year ago during my testimony, I did everything that PO said and that was ordered and still, when difficult child became unstable, I am the one that is blamed. And, beleiving that kept PO from taking any action when I was basicly begging for help before things got to this point. Believeing that has kept gal from advocating for psychiatric Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for difficult child, which was recommended by his psychiatrist. Believing that has the PO and gal telling difficult child that his illegal activity, pulling a knife out on me, and resullting punishment is his mom's fault, in so many words. The only thing I can think of is to offer to do a THOROUGH assessment, not just one written personality test, but one that includes an oral interview and with someone who we both (the system and me) are comfortable with (not someone that they've already convinced that I'm the problem) and with someone who reviews difficult child's history and our interaction to determine what I might be doing or not doing that's contributing to the problem. I discussed this with the last psychiatrist and he said they did not do that there but it could be done (the interaction part) through family therapy. I was going to address this when the issue of me breaking the court order came up. Can anyone think of anything else I can do that really addresses the root of the problem? I had already offered to take a urine test for drugs at any time if they thought that was the problem. They can check and see I have NO arrest record and there have never been any concerns of abuse or neglect reported or expressed by any professionals involved. Another thing I'm a little concerned about- difficult child said that the person who evaluation'd him Monday to see if he should go back to psychiatric hospital for a while told him that the only reason she tdo'd him before was because I said he needed medication changes. That isn't true. Then she told him that if they could help him at psychiatric hospital, they would have already done it so he wasn't going back. She told him if he cut himself or wanted to commit suicide, he'd get locked in his room by himself. Obviously, they are going to try the all behavior mod approach here. I haven't made issue yet, but what if they are wrong about it? If difficult child feels suicidal, who will he tell now? What if they just find him dead one day? If I'm just being over-protective, why did psychiatrist say that state Department of Juvenile Justice would be detrimental to difficult child? The mental health person told me that difficult child did not need to go back to psychiatric hospital and that they were working with him to help him on coping skills. No matter how things are handled, I still have a problem sending a message to difficult child that my issues justified him pulling a knife out on me. I wasn't abusing him and we weren't argueing or even in the same rooom when he walked into the room where I was a pulled the knife out and demanded cigs. I don't have the backing of uniformed staff at home. And don't think for a second that difficult child doesn't know that people in the system blame me instead of him no matter what he does. It hoovers being in a position where unless something major changes while he's in their custody, he will either coome home still knowing that or will be turned over to dss/my bro. This is why I'm trying to figure out if there is something I can do while he's in there to prevent a worse situation upon his release. [/QUOTE]
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