Walked out

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, May 5, 2007.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Kj, I had you on my mind last night.

    husband and I got into it after I got home from Mexican with-my friends. Long story short, it was 10:10 and he and difficult child were curled up in our bed watching a video. I leaned over to say hello and difficult child shoved me out of the way (he's like a fear-biting dog--bite first, ask questions later). Expecially because I was in a good mood, it was the end of the day, and I was going to just say something nice, his mean voice and strong arm tactics sent me over the edge. I said, "Hey, I was just going to say hello." difficult child in a firm voice said, "Wait! I'm watching this." (He assumed I was coming in to turn it off.)

    In fact, that's what I ended up doing. husband never intervened, said a word, even made eye contact with-me. He needed to say, "Don't talk to your mother like that." Nada.

    I said, "Fine. Out of my bed."

    difficult child ran to his room, crying.

    Great guilt trip. Everything was great til I came home.
    husband turned out the light and acted like he was going straight to sleep and I told him I would appreciate it if he would put difficult child to bed, since I might make it worse. He replied, "I'll go in in a little while. Can't you hear him crying in there?"

    I said of course I could, but I was near tears, too, and husband was giving me the impression that it was only difficult child who counted. (Especially since he turned out the light and ignored me when he should have at least commented. I'm not a mind reader. And I told him that I had no way of knowing.)

    I went to bed in the guest rm... for 5 min. It was very quiet so I thought I'd pay a visit to difficult child to see if he had calmed down enough for us to straighten it all out.

    He was just getting settled in his rm with-husband's DVD player while husband looked on, approvingly.

    Say what? He's grounded off electronics in his rm, and I had just sent him out of my bedrm. What gives?

    husband got angry and said, "You're not going to let him watch the last 5 min.?"

    "Sure... TOMORROW! We had an agreement."

    "FINE. I slipped, OKAY?!"

    It went from bad to worse (but I made sure that the DVD player was off and out of the rm) and I told husband I was tired of being the bad guy and had had it with-that kind of treatment. I was leaving.

    I told difficult child that I loved him and I'd be back in the a.m. to take him to his game. I left a note for easy child, who was watching a movie downstairs with-her boyfriend. (I don't think she would have noticed so maybe I could have skipped the note.)

    I spent the night at a friend's house. (She let me bring the dogs, too. She was not surprised.)

    You all know the drill--you're the bad guy, there's no consistency, husband skips counseling appts because he's too busy at work. The thing that set me off was not only that this sort of thing happens all the time, but the mean tone of voice and entitlement attitude of difficult child, backed by husband.

    husband and I are going to have to talk today.

    by the way, I took difficult child to his game. He was an angel. Seems like quite often he's good with-me, or good with-husband, but when we're together, we get played against one another.Kids are so smart. Reading over my note here, I can see things more objectively.
  2. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Oh dear....

    Honestly, I don't know what I would do if husband didn't intervene if one of my difficult children did that. He always does and I for him.

    This is a very big red flag and it's probably only going to get much worse when difficult child hits his teens if drastic measures aren't taken now.

    If husband doesn't get with the program....I think you are in for a very, very, rough ride.

  3. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Oh yuck. I am sorry... it seems like yuck is in the air. I swear everyone is going crazy!

    Go easy on yourself. I hate having to play the bad guy. Had to do it with mother in law... try to have a calm direct conversation. Let husband know you need his help. You need to be a team. Without getting too emotional. (I get too emotional)

    Hugs to you.
  4. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Sorry Terry! I am with D and C ~ the ride is only going to get rougher with age

    I feel your pain! My husband is stepparent so all therapy,doctor apts, discipline has all been up to me alone. It is a heavy burden to carry. I own my own business as well so sometimes I just craved not to be in control of EVERYTHING all the time.

    My cries fell on deaf ears ~ my husband uses his same approach as always ~ ignore it and it will go away

    Wishing you well! I know how hard it is
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I know. I agree. That's one of the reasons I went to my friend's house... to get husband's attention.
    Oddly enough, he thought it was a good idea and we should work it into our schedule every few wks so I can get away. :eek:!
    That will help me. It won't help difficult child become respectful.
    One step at a time...
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, by the way, husband says he was sound asleep when I walked in, which was why he didn't react more quickly.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I just wanted to add that there is no way to test negative for Aspergers Syndrome. I wouldn't write it off. It's a matter of opinion, and it takes a great deal of performance testing to pinpoint high functioning autism. NeuroPsychs are best at that. It wouldn't shock me if he did have Aspergers rather than ADHD/ODD. My son started out with the ADHD/ODD diagnosis. too, and he sounds a lot like your son. I hope it all works out for you.