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Walking on eggshells with difficult child 2
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<blockquote data-quote="rlsnights" data-source="post: 307662" data-attributes="member: 7948"><p>Thanks for the suggestions and the sympathy. It is so isolating sometimes - it's really helpful to have other folks to bounce things off of when we run into a pothole in the road. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/faint.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":faint:" title="faint :faint:" data-shortname=":faint:" /></p><p></p><p>Folding one basket with 6 towels in it was his entire household chore expectation on a Saturday morning before he got the entire rest of the day to play. I had already significantly modified my expectations of him and anything less would have been nothing at all.</p><p></p><p>I see two issues with relieving him of all chores:</p><p></p><p>1) I think that even when he feels anxious and stressed he needs to contribute to the family's wellbeing at least minimally. It's part of the normal flow of the household and keeping our expectations at least marginally the same as "normal" feels appropriate to me. When he's like this he will blow up over what we serve for dinner <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> so I don't think reducing the chores any more will really make a difference except to send him the message that he can't even handle doing basic chores when he feels bad.</p><p></p><p>2) His twin difficult child 3 is always ready to pick a fight and harass him. Having him do no chores whatsoever just gives her ammunition against him and us that she didn't need to begin with. We have explained it all to her until we turn blue <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/cold.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":cold:" title="cold :cold:" data-shortname=":cold:" /> and it makes no difference. From her perspective it's just not fair that he gets treated differently in so very many ways and has for years due to behavioral and medical reasons.</p><p></p><p>Sigh. There are no easy answers here but I have separated him and his sister as much as possible since school started - their interactions are stressful to everyone right now. They go to the same school (600+ kids) but only have 2 classes together and those are core Special Education classes. That teacher is great and is keeping them separated in class. They are doing well when in her class.</p><p></p><p>Lunch time is problematic but they finally seem to have found mostly separate social circles and my daughter has stopped accusing her brother of stalking her at school. I signed my daughter difficult child 3 up for the afterschool program so that I don't pick her up from school until 6 pm. So she is gone from home from 7:30 am to 6:15 pm.</p><p></p><p>She's gone to the stables for several hours on Sunday. Don't have many other options for separating them on the weekends.</p><p></p><p>I can't decide if part of what's going on is hypomania or "just" anxiety or medication related - or all three! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite5" alt=":confused:" title="Confused :confused:" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":confused:" /> We dropped his Abilify from 7.5 t0 5 mg several weeks before school started with the plan to increase his Lamictal as the next step. That seemed to go OK. We increased his Lamictal to 150 from 100 about 10 days ago in hopes it would help him cope with the increased pressure of school and change in schedule.</p><p></p><p>Called his psychiatrist and left a long message this morning since we don't have another appointment for 2 weeks. Can't predict what she'll want to do. AD's are out - he went manic on Zoloft even with a mood stabilizer on board. She might want to lower the Lamictal since it can be activating for some people and/or up the Abilify.</p><p></p><p>We're trying to wean him from the Abilify because he's having metabolic effects from it - big weight gain, increased blood sugars etc. His weight is down about 4 pounds but that could be because he won't eat much at school - some days nothing. Says it makes him feel sick which could be his anxiety or his Crohn's - or both.</p><p></p><p>Have to draw labs the first week of October to check his liver enzymes. They've been elevated a couple times recently which could be medication related or could be his Crohn's. Most likely it's medication related.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rlsnights, post: 307662, member: 7948"] Thanks for the suggestions and the sympathy. It is so isolating sometimes - it's really helpful to have other folks to bounce things off of when we run into a pothole in the road. :knockedout: Folding one basket with 6 towels in it was his entire household chore expectation on a Saturday morning before he got the entire rest of the day to play. I had already significantly modified my expectations of him and anything less would have been nothing at all. I see two issues with relieving him of all chores: 1) I think that even when he feels anxious and stressed he needs to contribute to the family's wellbeing at least minimally. It's part of the normal flow of the household and keeping our expectations at least marginally the same as "normal" feels appropriate to me. When he's like this he will blow up over what we serve for dinner :frowny: so I don't think reducing the chores any more will really make a difference except to send him the message that he can't even handle doing basic chores when he feels bad. 2) His twin difficult child 3 is always ready to pick a fight and harass him. Having him do no chores whatsoever just gives her ammunition against him and us that she didn't need to begin with. We have explained it all to her until we turn blue :cold: and it makes no difference. From her perspective it's just not fair that he gets treated differently in so very many ways and has for years due to behavioral and medical reasons. Sigh. There are no easy answers here but I have separated him and his sister as much as possible since school started - their interactions are stressful to everyone right now. They go to the same school (600+ kids) but only have 2 classes together and those are core Special Education classes. That teacher is great and is keeping them separated in class. They are doing well when in her class. Lunch time is problematic but they finally seem to have found mostly separate social circles and my daughter has stopped accusing her brother of stalking her at school. I signed my daughter difficult child 3 up for the afterschool program so that I don't pick her up from school until 6 pm. So she is gone from home from 7:30 am to 6:15 pm. She's gone to the stables for several hours on Sunday. Don't have many other options for separating them on the weekends. I can't decide if part of what's going on is hypomania or "just" anxiety or medication related - or all three! :confused1: We dropped his Abilify from 7.5 t0 5 mg several weeks before school started with the plan to increase his Lamictal as the next step. That seemed to go OK. We increased his Lamictal to 150 from 100 about 10 days ago in hopes it would help him cope with the increased pressure of school and change in schedule. Called his psychiatrist and left a long message this morning since we don't have another appointment for 2 weeks. Can't predict what she'll want to do. AD's are out - he went manic on Zoloft even with a mood stabilizer on board. She might want to lower the Lamictal since it can be activating for some people and/or up the Abilify. We're trying to wean him from the Abilify because he's having metabolic effects from it - big weight gain, increased blood sugars etc. His weight is down about 4 pounds but that could be because he won't eat much at school - some days nothing. Says it makes him feel sick which could be his anxiety or his Crohn's - or both. Have to draw labs the first week of October to check his liver enzymes. They've been elevated a couple times recently which could be medication related or could be his Crohn's. Most likely it's medication related. [/QUOTE]
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