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Walking on eggshells with difficult child 2
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<blockquote data-quote="gcvmom" data-source="post: 307669" data-attributes="member: 3444"><p>Patricia, have you tried talking to Badger (when he's calm) about options he has for relieving some of this stress? Maybe going outside for a walk, or pounding some modeling clay or hitting a tennis ball against a wall... something physical often helps.</p><p> </p><p>When difficult child 2 was having his rages, I let him know that it was o.k. for him to just leave the house and give himself a timeout, go cool off, etc. We talked about how it is absolutley NOT okay to explode on the family like that -- he'd seen enough of his dad doing that when he was unstable so he knows how it feels to be on the receiving end. Sometimes it would work if I saw he was getting ready to blow over something and I'd tell him to go take a walk. He'd go for a very energetic, anger-fueled walk/jog and come back a little less angry. It wouldn't take it all away, but enough to be able to reason with him better.</p><p> </p><p>We've really tried to get him to think about how he's feeling in the moment. And we DO walk on eggshells when he's that fragile. No point in pushing him over the edge into a meltdown. Doesn't mean we give in to demands, and sometimes a meltdown would ensue. But when we know he's stressed and irritable and emotionally fragile, we try to redirect and deflect a lot. Sibs who choose to aggravate the situation get major consequences -- because that amounts to bullying.</p><p> </p><p>We also make him responsible for doing the damage cleanup after a meltdown. Obviously that would be AFTER he's calmed down. There have to be consequences, even if they aren't in control of their emotions at the time.</p><p> </p><p>I think that if he is really feeling fragile, it is okay to let the chores slide while he's in an elevated emotional state. Save the chores for a time when he's able to handle them without exploding. The towels can wait a few hours or a day or two until he's calm. They won't go anywhere.</p><p> </p><p>Until you get the medications sorted out and he's more stable, it's going to take a lot of patience and creative thinking to keep the peace. No point in punishing him, per se, for the instability. But your parenting and "therapist" skills will be getting a full workout during these times.</p><p> </p><p>I'd also be telling the school about his stress levels -- they need to know how hard he's working to hold it together at school and what's happening when he gets home. Maybe they can reduce his homework load, or at least give him more time to complete assignments. Also see if Badger can verbalize what he thinks is causing all the stress in him. Is it the busy schedule? Is it the crowds? Is it the feeling of trying to fit in somewhere? Is it the pace in the classroom? There are probably solutions the school can offer if it's issues like those. difficult child 1 ended up needing a sheltered science class because he was feeling a lot of stress over the pace of his regular science class. He went from a D-/F to an A+, and it was the SAME teacher, SAME curriculum. Just a slower pace and a smaller class. He also had problems dealing with the loud crowds at lunchtime. His solution was to hang out in the library with some other like-minded kids during lunch. It was quiet, away from all the social drama, and they played chess or read. But some kids need help in figuring out what's driving their stress first.</p><p> </p><p>The middle school years are horrible, in my humble opinion. And even worse for our "special" kids because of their lag in developmental skills. Hang in there! It's only two years! <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gcvmom, post: 307669, member: 3444"] Patricia, have you tried talking to Badger (when he's calm) about options he has for relieving some of this stress? Maybe going outside for a walk, or pounding some modeling clay or hitting a tennis ball against a wall... something physical often helps. When difficult child 2 was having his rages, I let him know that it was o.k. for him to just leave the house and give himself a timeout, go cool off, etc. We talked about how it is absolutley NOT okay to explode on the family like that -- he'd seen enough of his dad doing that when he was unstable so he knows how it feels to be on the receiving end. Sometimes it would work if I saw he was getting ready to blow over something and I'd tell him to go take a walk. He'd go for a very energetic, anger-fueled walk/jog and come back a little less angry. It wouldn't take it all away, but enough to be able to reason with him better. We've really tried to get him to think about how he's feeling in the moment. And we DO walk on eggshells when he's that fragile. No point in pushing him over the edge into a meltdown. Doesn't mean we give in to demands, and sometimes a meltdown would ensue. But when we know he's stressed and irritable and emotionally fragile, we try to redirect and deflect a lot. Sibs who choose to aggravate the situation get major consequences -- because that amounts to bullying. We also make him responsible for doing the damage cleanup after a meltdown. Obviously that would be AFTER he's calmed down. There have to be consequences, even if they aren't in control of their emotions at the time. I think that if he is really feeling fragile, it is okay to let the chores slide while he's in an elevated emotional state. Save the chores for a time when he's able to handle them without exploding. The towels can wait a few hours or a day or two until he's calm. They won't go anywhere. Until you get the medications sorted out and he's more stable, it's going to take a lot of patience and creative thinking to keep the peace. No point in punishing him, per se, for the instability. But your parenting and "therapist" skills will be getting a full workout during these times. I'd also be telling the school about his stress levels -- they need to know how hard he's working to hold it together at school and what's happening when he gets home. Maybe they can reduce his homework load, or at least give him more time to complete assignments. Also see if Badger can verbalize what he thinks is causing all the stress in him. Is it the busy schedule? Is it the crowds? Is it the feeling of trying to fit in somewhere? Is it the pace in the classroom? There are probably solutions the school can offer if it's issues like those. difficult child 1 ended up needing a sheltered science class because he was feeling a lot of stress over the pace of his regular science class. He went from a D-/F to an A+, and it was the SAME teacher, SAME curriculum. Just a slower pace and a smaller class. He also had problems dealing with the loud crowds at lunchtime. His solution was to hang out in the library with some other like-minded kids during lunch. It was quiet, away from all the social drama, and they played chess or read. But some kids need help in figuring out what's driving their stress first. The middle school years are horrible, in my humble opinion. And even worse for our "special" kids because of their lag in developmental skills. Hang in there! It's only two years! :raspberry-tounge: [/QUOTE]
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