Walking on eggshells...
- Thread starter Marguerite
- Start date
M
ML
Guest
This certainly has a feeling of extra imbalance to it and hormones makes a lot of sense. I know that for me, menopause symptoms about pushed me over the edge there for a while. I think I'm on the downside now and my body has adjusted to the declining estrogen. But a young girl just bursting with it, on top of other chemical or neurological imbalances, I can only imagine.
There have been times I thought my difficult child was going through early pueberty. My little drama queen. Everything was a major affront to him and the doors in my house took (and still do take) beatings.
I don't have any advice except to keep doing what you are doing. It's good that she has agreed to see GP. Please let us know how that goes, Marg.
Thinking of you.
Hugs,
MicheleL
There have been times I thought my difficult child was going through early pueberty. My little drama queen. Everything was a major affront to him and the doors in my house took (and still do take) beatings.
I don't have any advice except to keep doing what you are doing. It's good that she has agreed to see GP. Please let us know how that goes, Marg.
Thinking of you.
Hugs,
MicheleL
Marguerite
Active Member
I think we're dealing with two separate problems here, superimposing. Her basic behaviour patterns, non-hormonal, ARE getting worse and I think she needs not just a psychologist but medication. And from what the doctor was asking, she thinks so too.
Then there is the hormonal stuff - easy child 2/difficult child 2 has been getting breakthrough bleeds half way through each Pill cycle for several months. So the doctor changed her prescription and now the bleed (mild, thank goodness) hasn't stopped for six weeks (found out at doctor's today). So despite the ongoing bleed, the doctor insisted on doing a Pap smear today and wants the ultrasound done urgently. She says this bleed is not hormonal, considering the time and t he Pill dosages, there is something else there needing investigation. And easy child 2/difficult child 2 has top remember to tell the doctor, that this Pap smear, and the previous one (her first, two years ago) both hurt for some time afterwards.
She's just handed me the test order forms, asked me to go ahead and book her for Wednesday after all (she had wanted to stay home - it means another trip "to the mainland" on her day off) so she accepts the need to get this checked out urgently.
So, two problems - with maybe some crossover, but the underlying behaviour/anxiety/moodiness are pre-existing, they may be getting aggravated by hormonal changes but are a separate problem nevertheless.
I just wish someone would really take us seriously and check her out for Asperger's, properly. And she wants it checked out too.
She's basically a very cooperative kid, when she's not throwing a tantrum, slamming doors or giving any of us a l-o-n-g lecture on any one of a number of total irrelevant topics (or even slightly relevant).
ho hum. We'll get there.
But thanks for all the ideas, you guys are great at brainstorming. husband said he's been going through all your posts too, he hasn't posted himself because so far he's agreeing with everything. And he also values all your inputs.
Marg
Then there is the hormonal stuff - easy child 2/difficult child 2 has been getting breakthrough bleeds half way through each Pill cycle for several months. So the doctor changed her prescription and now the bleed (mild, thank goodness) hasn't stopped for six weeks (found out at doctor's today). So despite the ongoing bleed, the doctor insisted on doing a Pap smear today and wants the ultrasound done urgently. She says this bleed is not hormonal, considering the time and t he Pill dosages, there is something else there needing investigation. And easy child 2/difficult child 2 has top remember to tell the doctor, that this Pap smear, and the previous one (her first, two years ago) both hurt for some time afterwards.
She's just handed me the test order forms, asked me to go ahead and book her for Wednesday after all (she had wanted to stay home - it means another trip "to the mainland" on her day off) so she accepts the need to get this checked out urgently.
So, two problems - with maybe some crossover, but the underlying behaviour/anxiety/moodiness are pre-existing, they may be getting aggravated by hormonal changes but are a separate problem nevertheless.
I just wish someone would really take us seriously and check her out for Asperger's, properly. And she wants it checked out too.
She's basically a very cooperative kid, when she's not throwing a tantrum, slamming doors or giving any of us a l-o-n-g lecture on any one of a number of total irrelevant topics (or even slightly relevant).
ho hum. We'll get there.
But thanks for all the ideas, you guys are great at brainstorming. husband said he's been going through all your posts too, he hasn't posted himself because so far he's agreeing with everything. And he also values all your inputs.
Marg
Star*
call 911........call 911
Hi there,
Gotta tell you first we watched a show on the telly last night about Australia and the deadly things that are creeping, swimming, and slithering, hidden in the surf and well, let's just say maybe one day we'll meet in New Zeland. MY GOSH. Box jellies, some sort of rock fish, mouse spiders, red backs, poisonous water snakes, salties, and a blob fish? Scratching Australia off the must do before I die list.
Anyway. Here is something that is true and once discovered it helped me with difficult child. difficult child who is now 17, 6'1" tall, size 11.5 shoe is for all intents and purposes in a 17 year olds body, BUT has the emotional capacity of maybe a 12 or 13 years old child and has the street savy of a 41 year old (or so he thinks) he can't count change back but can tell you the name of all the gangsta rappers. A skill which will come in handy should he ever need to give someone change for 50cent. (another rapper)
So when he would "begin" the first time after I had this enlightment I saw him not as a 17 year old juvenille, but rather as a skinny, little 12 year old and it worked wonders. The younger I made him in my mind, the better off I was in not responding to him. And the "SHUT UP why do I bother?" Yeah we had that too, and our answer STANDARD was "HE&& we don't know why do you?" in unison and he would clear the room. When HE decided it was time to talk, we would get up and leave the room, and shut the door behind us. This went on for about a month or month and a half. IN therapy we discussed how it made HIM feel when we didn't give him our attention but instead got up and left the room silent as the grave. No matter what he said, cursed, swore we didn't react. THey are looking for a rise, reaction something. That's why the door slamming started here. And we took his door off. THen he slammed the kitchen door, and since we can't take IT off, we told him that if he slammed it ONE more time he would be standing there shutting and opening it in an appropriate manner 500 times. And I sat on a chair and counted.
The kitchen door never got slammed again. At 399 times of opening and shutting the door slowly the joke had worn off. And he still had 101 times more to go. DF thought I lost what was left of my marbles.
So at 21, tell yourself she looks 21, has aboyfriend living there but is really 13 at best? I mean you don't tell her this. IT's YOUR coping mechanism. Tell the other kids, each time they don't engage her in an argument? Or totally ignore her you'll PAY them. Ask them also to just get up, and walk away in silence, then shut the door behind them. IF she goes after them into THEIR room, they leave their room and come find you (again in silence) and you walk the other kid past her, put him in his room shut the door, and then go back to what you were doing in silence.
- from the show Merlin - if we are forgotten we cease to exist. And to not exist in that moment? Well...nothing is ever won by screaming except maybe a spot on Idol.
Hope you find some relief. And what a little cutie....mouse spider. We have black widows here at my house, but only ever had one in the house and df sprayed like we owned the pest control company
Hugs
Star
OH gosh I just saw a Wombat....HOW adorable. Maybe I could be persuaded.
Gotta tell you first we watched a show on the telly last night about Australia and the deadly things that are creeping, swimming, and slithering, hidden in the surf and well, let's just say maybe one day we'll meet in New Zeland. MY GOSH. Box jellies, some sort of rock fish, mouse spiders, red backs, poisonous water snakes, salties, and a blob fish? Scratching Australia off the must do before I die list.
Anyway. Here is something that is true and once discovered it helped me with difficult child. difficult child who is now 17, 6'1" tall, size 11.5 shoe is for all intents and purposes in a 17 year olds body, BUT has the emotional capacity of maybe a 12 or 13 years old child and has the street savy of a 41 year old (or so he thinks) he can't count change back but can tell you the name of all the gangsta rappers. A skill which will come in handy should he ever need to give someone change for 50cent. (another rapper)
So when he would "begin" the first time after I had this enlightment I saw him not as a 17 year old juvenille, but rather as a skinny, little 12 year old and it worked wonders. The younger I made him in my mind, the better off I was in not responding to him. And the "SHUT UP why do I bother?" Yeah we had that too, and our answer STANDARD was "HE&& we don't know why do you?" in unison and he would clear the room. When HE decided it was time to talk, we would get up and leave the room, and shut the door behind us. This went on for about a month or month and a half. IN therapy we discussed how it made HIM feel when we didn't give him our attention but instead got up and left the room silent as the grave. No matter what he said, cursed, swore we didn't react. THey are looking for a rise, reaction something. That's why the door slamming started here. And we took his door off. THen he slammed the kitchen door, and since we can't take IT off, we told him that if he slammed it ONE more time he would be standing there shutting and opening it in an appropriate manner 500 times. And I sat on a chair and counted.
The kitchen door never got slammed again. At 399 times of opening and shutting the door slowly the joke had worn off. And he still had 101 times more to go. DF thought I lost what was left of my marbles.
So at 21, tell yourself she looks 21, has aboyfriend living there but is really 13 at best? I mean you don't tell her this. IT's YOUR coping mechanism. Tell the other kids, each time they don't engage her in an argument? Or totally ignore her you'll PAY them. Ask them also to just get up, and walk away in silence, then shut the door behind them. IF she goes after them into THEIR room, they leave their room and come find you (again in silence) and you walk the other kid past her, put him in his room shut the door, and then go back to what you were doing in silence.
- from the show Merlin - if we are forgotten we cease to exist. And to not exist in that moment? Well...nothing is ever won by screaming except maybe a spot on Idol.
Hope you find some relief. And what a little cutie....mouse spider. We have black widows here at my house, but only ever had one in the house and df sprayed like we owned the pest control company
Hugs
Star
OH gosh I just saw a Wombat....HOW adorable. Maybe I could be persuaded.
Marguerite
Active Member
To a large extent, Star, that's what we do - tell ourselves that inside somewhere, she's still a little kid. But we do have to avoid setting her off, because that triggers a cascade that severely impacts everyone in the house.
If her siblings were 'normal', we would maybe cope better. But they're not. easy child doesn't live with us but when she did, has a mouth on her that can devastate (gee, I wonder where she got that?). So it's only the boys, who share a room. And both boys are thoroughly Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) and can't easily stop themselves from reacting. difficult child 3 reacts to the noise, and the fact that HE gets into trouble when he slams doors. We've long ago had to resort to, "We each have different rules because we each are working on different issues. Ignore it."
difficult child 1 gets uppity when rules are broken or things are unfair. In speaking out of turn he often makes things worse, which he DOES realise - later. Yesterday while shopping (after we saw the doctor) difficult child 1 apologised to easy child 2/difficult child 2 for "speaking out of turn" the other night and making things worse. I think he was also making a point by apologising in front of me, so I knew it too. But sometimes just bringing up the subject a day or more later can set her off again.
The kids are not permitted to go into each other's rooms without permission. And the state the rooms are in, it's not safe to, anyway. easy child 2/difficult child 2 will sometimes stand ion the doorway and lecture, in that shrill tone she gets which would send anyone to the wall and back. It goes like this:
"I asked you to run the bath tonight, because I am busy helping Mum get dinner." [OK so far, but she doesn't stop] "...so if I can't trust you to do one simple job, when I've written it up on the blackboard for you, then why should I bother doing anything for you?" [emotional blackmail beginning to creep in, plus I can hear her beginning to get emotional] "...I come home from work, I'm tired, you want to be ready for bed early so you get extra privileges, you have to pull your weight and do your jobs. I'm tired, I need my bath first so you can get yours at the right temperature and in time for bed. I'm tired because..." [now follows a very long explanation of exactly why her day has been so difficult. Meanwhile whoever she's talking to is wanting to get a word in, maybe to say why he hasn't had a chance to start the bath off yet, ie he has a noisy sister haranguing him in his doorway and he can't get to the bathroom!]
Any attempt to break this pattern is what triggers the meltdowns. Sometimes she gets herself so worked up the meltdown happens anyway.
When I stop to think about it, our family evening routine doesn't exactly revolve around her - it mostly revolves around difficult child 3 - but she has organised it so SHE gets her needs met in all the activities going on. difficult child 3 running the bath early and having his bath, means less water is used (important, in Sydney). She insists her bath has to be between 42C and 42.5C. This means to save water, difficult child 3 has to have his cooler bath much shallower. She runs her own bath, or asks difficult child 3 to run it if he's showered, and a thermometer is used (she bought it) to make sure the temperature is correct. Her food mustn't have nuts in it except cashews in a stir-fry. I've noticed she's even more insistent lately on wearing furry fabrics. She wore her long black velvet skirt yesterday and was complaining that the velvet nap goes up and not down (ie you can't brush crumbs off your lap except by stroking against gravity).
When she screams at us along the "why do I bother?" angle, we usually don't get time to respond. We don't follow her, either. We just get back to whatever we were doing and enjoy the new peace and quiet. Although I'm often left coping with difficult child 3 saying, "She distracted me when she slammed that door! I've a good mind to go and tell her just what I think of her inappropriate behaviour!" Which, of course, would be the worst thing. When he HAS done this in the past (before we could rope him in the hallway) it has always escalated events to an unbelievable pitch.
She was telling the doctor about this yesterday - it was interesting (and I was so glad she didn't try to hide anything - she clearly hates this behaviour too). She told the doctor that when she gets upset to the point of crying, she ends up gulping in air, she feels she is sobbing so hard she can't catch her breath and she just can't get control of herself. It's anger, she insisted, not depression. She said there's no sadness, but she went on to describe floods of uncontrollable tears and how she cries really easily at any confrontation.
Punishing this is pointless. She already knows it's undesirable, she hates how it makes her feel physically, as well as emotionally. It's prevention and a cause we need. As well as another way to deal with whatever is causing it. I could make her stand there, opening and closing doors, and she would say, "I get the point, already! I KNOW I shouldn't do this! I want it to stop! How do I stop?"
While she's in a meltdown, she cannot be talked to or reasoned with. She has no perception of how badly she is behaving and cannot be made to see it, mid-meltdown. Afterwards, she can only see what she is told about. But at least she WILL accept what we tell her and take it on board. In that I know we are fortunate.
More and more, I'm convinced she has Asperger's or something similar, which is predisposing her to this. She began as a child genius, remarkably capable but who hit a brick wall later at school when she had difficulty consolidating academic information in her head. She is meticulous, fastidious, obsessive, brilliant at incredibly tiny and intricate detail, a perfectionist and extremely tactile. Her obsessions have changed - she used to collect teddy bears and anything teddy. Currently it's "Pirates of the Carribbean" and anything Johnny Depp. Plus anything Terry Pratchett, but I must admit I do share that interest. In her, though, it is obsession with detail - her knowledge of trivia on these topics is scary.
I've got an appointment for her tomorrow at 9.30 am (she won't be happy with the early start!) to have her pelvic ultrasound done. When I told the radiologist's what the doctor had written they made a point of saying, "Earlier appointments are better for an urgent ultrasound like this one."
I'm going with her, I know she will be scared, especially of what they might find. I'm also going to suggest she makes some notes of things she needs to discuss with the GP when she sees her on Thursday afternoon.
And Star, on the subject of wildlife - easy child 2/difficult child 2 hates creepy crawlies too. We have a plague of Bogong moths at the moment, in Sydney. They're totally harmless but they're large and fluttery and can startle you. I flicked one off the kitchen bench last night and it flew right at easy child 2/difficult child 2, who screamed. husband almost dropped what he was carrying. She was OK quickly, just startled and laughed about it.
Redback spiders are much the same as black widows. We don't spray - we need the other creepy crawlies to keep the baddies down in numbers. Box jellyfish, stone fish, butterfly cod, salties (saltwater crocodiles), sea snakes - all way up north, not down here. Never. Our black snakes are timid and can hear you coming and get out of the way. I'm certain one lives right at our back door behind the water tank, but we rarely see it. What we have in Australia, we know about. We know how to stay safe. Blue-ringed octopuses will only bite if you pick them up AND really annoy them. I've only ever once seen them in the wild, but there must be many here. Their bite is virtually painless and I've not heard of anyone being bitten for decades. And now we know - if ever anyone's bitten, it's like being hit by a curare arrow, you just maintain CPR until you can get medical help. Then it's just a matter of waiting and keeping the patient ventilated until they can breath on their own again.
We have these nasties, but rarely is anyone ever injured. You're more likely to break your neck bungee-jumping in New Zealand!
And easy child 2/difficult child 2's internal age - hmm, I think maybe 11? It really does depend.
Thanks for all the advice, guys. It's all going on board and being tossed around in our minds.
Marg
If her siblings were 'normal', we would maybe cope better. But they're not. easy child doesn't live with us but when she did, has a mouth on her that can devastate (gee, I wonder where she got that?). So it's only the boys, who share a room. And both boys are thoroughly Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) and can't easily stop themselves from reacting. difficult child 3 reacts to the noise, and the fact that HE gets into trouble when he slams doors. We've long ago had to resort to, "We each have different rules because we each are working on different issues. Ignore it."
difficult child 1 gets uppity when rules are broken or things are unfair. In speaking out of turn he often makes things worse, which he DOES realise - later. Yesterday while shopping (after we saw the doctor) difficult child 1 apologised to easy child 2/difficult child 2 for "speaking out of turn" the other night and making things worse. I think he was also making a point by apologising in front of me, so I knew it too. But sometimes just bringing up the subject a day or more later can set her off again.
The kids are not permitted to go into each other's rooms without permission. And the state the rooms are in, it's not safe to, anyway. easy child 2/difficult child 2 will sometimes stand ion the doorway and lecture, in that shrill tone she gets which would send anyone to the wall and back. It goes like this:
"I asked you to run the bath tonight, because I am busy helping Mum get dinner." [OK so far, but she doesn't stop] "...so if I can't trust you to do one simple job, when I've written it up on the blackboard for you, then why should I bother doing anything for you?" [emotional blackmail beginning to creep in, plus I can hear her beginning to get emotional] "...I come home from work, I'm tired, you want to be ready for bed early so you get extra privileges, you have to pull your weight and do your jobs. I'm tired, I need my bath first so you can get yours at the right temperature and in time for bed. I'm tired because..." [now follows a very long explanation of exactly why her day has been so difficult. Meanwhile whoever she's talking to is wanting to get a word in, maybe to say why he hasn't had a chance to start the bath off yet, ie he has a noisy sister haranguing him in his doorway and he can't get to the bathroom!]
Any attempt to break this pattern is what triggers the meltdowns. Sometimes she gets herself so worked up the meltdown happens anyway.
When I stop to think about it, our family evening routine doesn't exactly revolve around her - it mostly revolves around difficult child 3 - but she has organised it so SHE gets her needs met in all the activities going on. difficult child 3 running the bath early and having his bath, means less water is used (important, in Sydney). She insists her bath has to be between 42C and 42.5C. This means to save water, difficult child 3 has to have his cooler bath much shallower. She runs her own bath, or asks difficult child 3 to run it if he's showered, and a thermometer is used (she bought it) to make sure the temperature is correct. Her food mustn't have nuts in it except cashews in a stir-fry. I've noticed she's even more insistent lately on wearing furry fabrics. She wore her long black velvet skirt yesterday and was complaining that the velvet nap goes up and not down (ie you can't brush crumbs off your lap except by stroking against gravity).
When she screams at us along the "why do I bother?" angle, we usually don't get time to respond. We don't follow her, either. We just get back to whatever we were doing and enjoy the new peace and quiet. Although I'm often left coping with difficult child 3 saying, "She distracted me when she slammed that door! I've a good mind to go and tell her just what I think of her inappropriate behaviour!" Which, of course, would be the worst thing. When he HAS done this in the past (before we could rope him in the hallway) it has always escalated events to an unbelievable pitch.
She was telling the doctor about this yesterday - it was interesting (and I was so glad she didn't try to hide anything - she clearly hates this behaviour too). She told the doctor that when she gets upset to the point of crying, she ends up gulping in air, she feels she is sobbing so hard she can't catch her breath and she just can't get control of herself. It's anger, she insisted, not depression. She said there's no sadness, but she went on to describe floods of uncontrollable tears and how she cries really easily at any confrontation.
Punishing this is pointless. She already knows it's undesirable, she hates how it makes her feel physically, as well as emotionally. It's prevention and a cause we need. As well as another way to deal with whatever is causing it. I could make her stand there, opening and closing doors, and she would say, "I get the point, already! I KNOW I shouldn't do this! I want it to stop! How do I stop?"
While she's in a meltdown, she cannot be talked to or reasoned with. She has no perception of how badly she is behaving and cannot be made to see it, mid-meltdown. Afterwards, she can only see what she is told about. But at least she WILL accept what we tell her and take it on board. In that I know we are fortunate.
More and more, I'm convinced she has Asperger's or something similar, which is predisposing her to this. She began as a child genius, remarkably capable but who hit a brick wall later at school when she had difficulty consolidating academic information in her head. She is meticulous, fastidious, obsessive, brilliant at incredibly tiny and intricate detail, a perfectionist and extremely tactile. Her obsessions have changed - she used to collect teddy bears and anything teddy. Currently it's "Pirates of the Carribbean" and anything Johnny Depp. Plus anything Terry Pratchett, but I must admit I do share that interest. In her, though, it is obsession with detail - her knowledge of trivia on these topics is scary.
I've got an appointment for her tomorrow at 9.30 am (she won't be happy with the early start!) to have her pelvic ultrasound done. When I told the radiologist's what the doctor had written they made a point of saying, "Earlier appointments are better for an urgent ultrasound like this one."
I'm going with her, I know she will be scared, especially of what they might find. I'm also going to suggest she makes some notes of things she needs to discuss with the GP when she sees her on Thursday afternoon.
And Star, on the subject of wildlife - easy child 2/difficult child 2 hates creepy crawlies too. We have a plague of Bogong moths at the moment, in Sydney. They're totally harmless but they're large and fluttery and can startle you. I flicked one off the kitchen bench last night and it flew right at easy child 2/difficult child 2, who screamed. husband almost dropped what he was carrying. She was OK quickly, just startled and laughed about it.
Redback spiders are much the same as black widows. We don't spray - we need the other creepy crawlies to keep the baddies down in numbers. Box jellyfish, stone fish, butterfly cod, salties (saltwater crocodiles), sea snakes - all way up north, not down here. Never. Our black snakes are timid and can hear you coming and get out of the way. I'm certain one lives right at our back door behind the water tank, but we rarely see it. What we have in Australia, we know about. We know how to stay safe. Blue-ringed octopuses will only bite if you pick them up AND really annoy them. I've only ever once seen them in the wild, but there must be many here. Their bite is virtually painless and I've not heard of anyone being bitten for decades. And now we know - if ever anyone's bitten, it's like being hit by a curare arrow, you just maintain CPR until you can get medical help. Then it's just a matter of waiting and keeping the patient ventilated until they can breath on their own again.
We have these nasties, but rarely is anyone ever injured. You're more likely to break your neck bungee-jumping in New Zealand!
And easy child 2/difficult child 2's internal age - hmm, I think maybe 11? It really does depend.
Thanks for all the advice, guys. It's all going on board and being tossed around in our minds.
Marg
1 Day At a Time
Member
Marg,
Your difficult child/easy child 2 sounds so much like our difficult child it is eerie. He is very bright but totally Aspie in his approach to life. Unfortunately everyone is wowed by his intelligence and they "overlook" the other issues until they become too glaring to ignore. Our home is completely controlled by him - and honestly - it has been since his birth. The intelligence and AS are a wicked combination - throw in some hormones and boy did you have issues to deal with!
For years now I have been hoping that this is a phase, he's just VERY immature, he's just quirky - that he will outgrow it all. This year reality really set in for me - and I realized that we are all in this for the long run. I am pretty sure now, that in spite of his incredible talents, he will probably never be able to live independently. I have my serious doubts about his ability to ever hold a job - though husband and I disagree on this. I would really love to be proven wrong - but years of helping disabled individuals procure and maintain employment makes me think otherwise. The most crucial skill needed in getting and keeping a job is the ability to get along with others on the job!
We're working now with a great husband-wife neuropsy team to get some serious future planning in place for him. Since husband and I are , aheem, not so very young anymore - this means planning for his care after we are gone. It's so easy for me to slip into the fantasy that he's going to get better. Then I snap to, and remind myself - he is what he is - and I enjoy and love him for who he is - our special and beloved son.
Your difficult child/easy child 2 sounds so much like our difficult child it is eerie. He is very bright but totally Aspie in his approach to life. Unfortunately everyone is wowed by his intelligence and they "overlook" the other issues until they become too glaring to ignore. Our home is completely controlled by him - and honestly - it has been since his birth. The intelligence and AS are a wicked combination - throw in some hormones and boy did you have issues to deal with!
For years now I have been hoping that this is a phase, he's just VERY immature, he's just quirky - that he will outgrow it all. This year reality really set in for me - and I realized that we are all in this for the long run. I am pretty sure now, that in spite of his incredible talents, he will probably never be able to live independently. I have my serious doubts about his ability to ever hold a job - though husband and I disagree on this. I would really love to be proven wrong - but years of helping disabled individuals procure and maintain employment makes me think otherwise. The most crucial skill needed in getting and keeping a job is the ability to get along with others on the job!
We're working now with a great husband-wife neuropsy team to get some serious future planning in place for him. Since husband and I are , aheem, not so very young anymore - this means planning for his care after we are gone. It's so easy for me to slip into the fantasy that he's going to get better. Then I snap to, and remind myself - he is what he is - and I enjoy and love him for who he is - our special and beloved son.
Marguerite
Active Member
We've had this hassle with the boys, too, where the high functioning masks the autism to a point where those assessing the child miss the problems. difficult child 1 was 16 when finally being assessed for autism, at a clinic which normally tests children 10 years younger. They said he was fine, based on a couple of tests where he performed brilliantly, which I had not expected. I later found that he had fudged those tests - he hadn't deliberately cheated, but because they hadn't asked the question properly, he did it the wrong way. Example - "Write us a story, we want to see how well you write."
So difficult child 1 wrote a few paragraphs from a book he'd been reading and enjoying. HE thought they wanted to see his handwriting. And of course, he had written from the book verbatim - not even trying. And they thought his fluent creativity was wonderful. Ironically, the other test was to assess the way he uses his long-term memory to deal with the shortcomings of his short-term memory, and he also fudged that one, because they asked their questions so slowly, his long-term memory kicked in. They read him a list of numbers. Several months later, he could still recite that list.
Two other psychiatrists identified him as Asperger's.
When a kid is really intelligent but impaired by Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), they seemingly adapt, thanks to that intelligence. But it's only a SEEMING adaptation; underneath the serene surface a lot of furious mental activity is going on, in order to provide a semblance of normal functioning. What WE see at home is when the mask of serenity drops.
I just wish I could convince SOMEONE, anyone, to give her a thorough assessment for Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). The trouble is, all the testing is mostly designed to test children, or those who haven't got such good adaptation skills.
Talking about this with you is making me think of a couple of possibilities - I might try and find someone who assesses adults with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), to see if they can help.
We're about to head out the door for her ultrasound. I'll provide and update when we return.
Marg
So difficult child 1 wrote a few paragraphs from a book he'd been reading and enjoying. HE thought they wanted to see his handwriting. And of course, he had written from the book verbatim - not even trying. And they thought his fluent creativity was wonderful. Ironically, the other test was to assess the way he uses his long-term memory to deal with the shortcomings of his short-term memory, and he also fudged that one, because they asked their questions so slowly, his long-term memory kicked in. They read him a list of numbers. Several months later, he could still recite that list.
Two other psychiatrists identified him as Asperger's.
When a kid is really intelligent but impaired by Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), they seemingly adapt, thanks to that intelligence. But it's only a SEEMING adaptation; underneath the serene surface a lot of furious mental activity is going on, in order to provide a semblance of normal functioning. What WE see at home is when the mask of serenity drops.
I just wish I could convince SOMEONE, anyone, to give her a thorough assessment for Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). The trouble is, all the testing is mostly designed to test children, or those who haven't got such good adaptation skills.
Talking about this with you is making me think of a couple of possibilities - I might try and find someone who assesses adults with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), to see if they can help.
We're about to head out the door for her ultrasound. I'll provide and update when we return.
Marg
