Walmart Greeter of the Year *funny*

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, May 31, 2008.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Ok. First picture in your mind a distinguished old gentleman wearing nothing but a Walmart bag as clothing:
    (cuz I can't figure out how to get the picture to show)


    This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Wal-mart in Arkansas
    They hired him because he was so funny.....

    NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old *******)

    SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

    DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously,
    whatever's available.. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place

    DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
    style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

    EDUCATION: Yes.

    LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

    PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

    MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

    REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

    HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

    PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

    DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more
    intimate environment .

    MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

    DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
    TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

    DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'

    HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
    winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

    DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

    WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a
    fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest
    thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

    NEAREST RELATIVE ......7 miles

    DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
    KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

    ***Old People Rock! ***
     
  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    :rofl:

    Gotta love that brutal honesty!
     
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Good for him! I hate those applications. I always get the feeling to tear them up and burn them. I would than submit the following statement, "I am available to work. My past and present financial situation and work situation is not important. I want to work for you and will give you 100%. If I did not believe I could do the job, I would not be here. Give me the job based on who I am at this moment - Give me the job because I am a good person and a good worker. Just give me the job!! NOW!"
     
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Supposedly, he got the job!
     
  5. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    Absolutely precious. I love humor and wit.
     
  6. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    That is SOOOO funny. I hope he DID get the job. He'd probably pretty damn good at it.

    Abbey
     
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is great!!!!!!!! I love his creativity in answering the job application!! Glad he got the job!
     
  9. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    OMG. That has GOT to be fake. I can't imagine any employer letting someone dress like that. I take it to the extremes, but not THAT far.

    Abbey
     
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