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Want to pose a question for you..(philosophical)
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 252703" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Personally, I don't know what I could have done differently that would have created a better, more positive outlook for my difficult child. When she began having rage attacks, I sought help from a counselor, not for the first time thinking it was ALL my fault. The counselor suggested we take difficult child to a nuero-psychiatric. My H refused because he thought they would just fill her with medications. Finally, almost 2 years later (and lots of family counseling), we took her for her evaluation. And yes, she was then placed on medications. When she began 'talking' in sexually explicit terms on line, we put heavy duty restrictions on the computer....she was still able to make contact with and be kidnapped by a predator/sex offender and be sexually assaulted.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Incidentally, we never EVER had to put any restrictions on easy child along the way. She just always followed the rules, played fair, did her best in school, created goals, played sports, had hobbies, and did what was expected of her. Only at about age 14 did she get a wee bit surly, but that only lasted a year and then she was well on her way to her mini adulthood, as we came to see it. Responsible to her family, her teacher and most of all to herself. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Out of both my girls, if there is any failure there, I would think that I actually failed my easy child because I gave so much of myself to difficult child. I will never get those years back or know how much easy child needed me or to what extent I was unavailable to her. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">My difficult child is identical to her bio-dad, who she spent very little time with over the course of her 19 years. Go figure. She also reminds me a bit of me in some ways at 19 - going against convention. The only difference is that I was always responsible and independent like easy child. So, I suppose they each got a bit of me and a bit of their father, though with easy child, I see more of her stepdad than her biodad...(that could be because they are both Scorpios, though!). </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Anyway, just my ramblings. Maybe I have just found a way not to be responsible for who difficult child is by not taking credit for easy child is. I don't know, doesn't really matter to me. They are all old enough to do the work they need to do so they can become the person they want to be at this point. I wash my hands of it, knowing that each of us can only do the best we can with what we know at any given moment. And that's all.</span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 252703, member: 2211"] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Personally, I don't know what I could have done differently that would have created a better, more positive outlook for my difficult child. When she began having rage attacks, I sought help from a counselor, not for the first time thinking it was ALL my fault. The counselor suggested we take difficult child to a nuero-psychiatric. My H refused because he thought they would just fill her with medications. Finally, almost 2 years later (and lots of family counseling), we took her for her evaluation. And yes, she was then placed on medications. When she began 'talking' in sexually explicit terms on line, we put heavy duty restrictions on the computer....she was still able to make contact with and be kidnapped by a predator/sex offender and be sexually assaulted.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Incidentally, we never EVER had to put any restrictions on easy child along the way. She just always followed the rules, played fair, did her best in school, created goals, played sports, had hobbies, and did what was expected of her. Only at about age 14 did she get a wee bit surly, but that only lasted a year and then she was well on her way to her mini adulthood, as we came to see it. Responsible to her family, her teacher and most of all to herself. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Out of both my girls, if there is any failure there, I would think that I actually failed my easy child because I gave so much of myself to difficult child. I will never get those years back or know how much easy child needed me or to what extent I was unavailable to her. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]My difficult child is identical to her bio-dad, who she spent very little time with over the course of her 19 years. Go figure. She also reminds me a bit of me in some ways at 19 - going against convention. The only difference is that I was always responsible and independent like easy child. So, I suppose they each got a bit of me and a bit of their father, though with easy child, I see more of her stepdad than her biodad...(that could be because they are both Scorpios, though!). [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Anyway, just my ramblings. Maybe I have just found a way not to be responsible for who difficult child is by not taking credit for easy child is. I don't know, doesn't really matter to me. They are all old enough to do the work they need to do so they can become the person they want to be at this point. I wash my hands of it, knowing that each of us can only do the best we can with what we know at any given moment. And that's all.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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