Wanted to post an update on how my dad was doing so far

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DammitJanet, Apr 8, 2010.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I posted back in March that I found out that my Dad had been dxd with Stage 3 lung cancer.

    I dropped by his house on the way home from Difficult Child on Tuesday. He and my Step-mom had been kind of iffy whenever I mentioned coming around and had specifically told me he could not see any of the great-grands so I just decided that Tony and Keyana would play out in his yard while I saw him for just a few minutes. If I did nothing more than lay eyes on him and give him a hug or three that was good enough for me. I was not going to go through Richmond and NOT see my Dad because you just never know.

    Well, when we got there, they were ecstatic to see us and told us they were tossing the doctors orders out the window. For as long as my Dad has left, he needs to see all his loved ones. Period. Makes good sense to me. Of course we dont take them if they are sick but come on, we are his family and we love him and he loves us. What better medicine is there? He may only get to see Keyana 3 or 4 more times if the doctors are right in their predictions. Pat wasnt letting him miss out on her!

    Ok, onto how he is. He has Stage 3A with one large tumor in the right lower lobe and involvement in the lymph nodes on the right side around his esophagus. The radiation had been going fairly well but in the last few days it has started to have some side effects. He is having some trouble swallowing. He is only wanting to eat soup right now. He is losing some weight and that is noticeable. He is coughing quite a bit and his doctor has him on a VERY strong cough medicine. Of course it also has pain relieving properties so that is good.

    He seems in good spirits. He has never let any of his ailments, and he has had quite a few, get him down. Never asked why me. Always says he can do anything because he was a Marine...lol. Jamie told me he cried on the phone with him and my dad told him not to cry because he had lived his life, it was okay. That makes me cry. Talk about the Greatest Generation.

    Pat and I talked about whether he will go to chemo if this doesnt work. I am being a realist here and not expecting it to. I dont think my dad can withstand chemo. As much as I want him here for the next 50 years I dont want him to go through something that will make his life a living hell. Maybe just not doing the chemo and living his life to the fullest would be the best thing.

    Gosh this is hard. I love him so much. I regret every single one of those teen years when I gave him so much hell. I regret every time I told him I hated him. I wish kids could know how awful it is when they lose their parents later. Every little thing they ever did comes pouring back.
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so glad you went to see him!! Sounds like a great visit. I think tossing the orders about visitors out the window is great as long as common sense is used. HOW can visitors who lift his spirits hurt? If they help keep his spirits up then they are HELPING.

    I am reminded of an old TV movie with Ed Asner as a guy who had cancer. Docs gave no hope, and he was really sick so he had a nurse. He decided to chunk what the docs said and handle it himself. He used lots of vitamins and humor. Movies that made him laugh out loud, funny books, etc... In the movie Ed has one home nurse who is all by the books, no humor at all, etc... So he has a tray with apple juice from a meal. When the nurse comes in she wants a urine sample for the doctor. He takes the container, pours his apple juice in it. Nurse comes in, sees it and freaks. It is cloudy, it is so dark, his kidneys have all shut down, so many things not filtered out, etc.... So he tells her it probably just needs to be filtered again - and drinks it! Nurse is revolted and makes a big fuss while he laughs his fool head off.

    Sometimes it is only logical to ignore directions meant to keep you away from those you love, esp if you are sick like your day. Being depressed or just "down" can have a big effect on disease. Having a positive attitude will probably help as much as some of the medical things do. Doctors can forget that.

    Still praying for the entire family.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Tony and Cory are going up in three weeks to Jamies for 3 day weekend of fishing. They will leave really early on Sunday morning to go to my Dads and help spread mulch around his yard. My dad lives in one of those subdivisions where they have all those rules you have to go by. However the subdivision also owns some of the property that no one can live on too. My dad has asked for years for them to remove some trees that are on their property because he thought they were dangerous. Guess what? Twice now those danged trees have fallen on his house! Last ones just six months ago and he just got done having the repairs finished. Ugh. But they just sent a stupid letter around telling him he had to get his yard cleared of leaves and mulch put down. Yeesh. The man is 84 and sick. We will handle it for him.

    I told them, no matter what you need done, just tell me. If nothing else, I can send Cory on a bus and he can do it.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm sure your father knows you regret those things- he was a teen once, too, remember. I'm sorry he has to go thru all that but I'm hoping the radiation at least buys him more quality time. And I'm very glad to hear that all of you got to spend some time together.
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    My dad has been gone 3 years now. He was 67 and had just fully recuperated from having both knees replaced and was beginning to enjoy life again after 10 years on the couch. We had no idea. Far as we knew, he was healthy as a horse.
    My nephew spent part of his spring break at my folks' that year. Work was crazy for me that year, I was pretty sure I was going to be fired, but for some reason, I bit the bullet and took off on a Tuesday and drove up with Wee to spend the day with my mom and dad and nephew. We colored Easter eggs and Wee sold the same eggs to my dad over and over and over. lol. Exactly one week later, I got the phone call that he was gone.
    Sometimes I envy folks who get to say good bye. Other times, I think it was a blessing. My dad went the way I think most of us want to go...enjoying every day.
    Anyway, don't mean to hijack your thread, just want to say I'm glad you stopped in and I'm glad he has decided to surround himself with loved ones. I wouldn't trade that last day with my dad for the world.
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    So glad you got to visit with your Dad. That time is precious. Hugs. DDD
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Glad you got to spend some time with your Dad. Many hugs.
  8. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    That's good that he's decided to see and do as much as he can while he can, and that includes time with family. I hope your family gets a chance to spend a few more visits with him before the end. Good thing you decided to stop in :)
  9. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    Glad you got a chance to visit with your dad and he enjoyed seeing ALL the family!! Perhaps now that you both realize how wonderful it was to just see each other, maybe you could take the bus up and stay with him for a couple days. Hugs.

  10. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry.
  11. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am happy that you stopped by. Maybe it helped them figure out that keeping others away is not the best thing for anyone. That is a good thing, in my humble opinion.
    You are a good daughter and he knows it. Teens are teens! You can not help it when you are a teen. Forgive yourself. I am sure he has.