Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Was feeling hopeful and excited...until the guilt snuck back in.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 415102" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>HML, </p><p> </p><p>You owe me nothing - I was sincerely worried about you. Had you come back with your feelings? I would have responded to them, and probably not like you are used to in the 'outside' world. Mostly because I raised boys, and because I had a son that would have tried the patience of any Saint. I was not a Saint by any means. I was just a Mom who was raised in a home to do as I was told, then had a son who didn't seem to do ANYTHING he was told and had an extremely hard time figuring out what in the world was the problem. Me? My parenting? Him? Nothing I did worked. </p><p> </p><p>Frustrating as it can get, and as helpful as the outside world tries to be? Most people who do NOT have children like ours haven't a clue. I say most because when you come here, and get suggestions or flat out advice? We have been there, and do know a little more about how to come at behavioral issues with kids like ours. In my case because I made the exact same mistakes I see others (not just you) posting about and I'll take a chance that you will get angry wtih me IF it helps the child. If it makes one change in your relationship with your son? It's worth it to me for you to think about what I said and be upset with someone you'll never meet in SC rather than me sit back and give you a 'hug' or sympathy. Change and suggestions will make changes for positive actions in your home - hugs and well wishes will not. When I came to the board and posted I also got some advice that took me out of my comfort zone, but a lot of it was from parents who had kids; now in their late 20's or who have passed away - I didn't want that for my son. I wanted to at least have an idea of what worked. Not everything does. </p><p> </p><p>What did work for us? Effective communication workbooks. Sounds ridiculous I know. I figured everyone already knows how to speak to people. Okay right now you're probably laughing thinking (well you could have used a little of that effective communication on me Star) and in a way you're right, I get very passionate about children and maybe what I saw in you and your son was a bit more of me and my son than I cared to remember. When I tell you he was out of control, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. We were both horribly oppositional. When it was suggested that I attend parenting classes I was all for it, but in a sarcastic way. Then it was suggested that we went to family counseling, and individual counseling while our son went to his therapy. He did individual therapy, anger management, art therapy, rec therapy. You name it. I think he even had yoga, and breathing therapy. Whatever there was - we left literally no rock unturned. His behavior was off the charts. I was dealing with a psychotic ex husband who wanted to hunt us down and kills us, the death of an older adopted son, finding out my x had run up credit in my name, back taxes, trying to buy a home when I found out all of this, a child who wanted to kill me, the school system, having my son kicked out of every day care, loosing a job, after job due to my sons behavior, psychiatric. hospitals, Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, crazy neighbors, the death of my Father, and just daily things, plus a nutty abusive past from my x - and I honestly thought I had it so together. By the time I did get to the doctor? I had been surviving on 3 hours of sleep a day for about 3-4 years. Wound tight? Yes please - tell ME I wasn't combative. </p><p> </p><p>Possibly my post - and I say possibly because I have no idea where you are coming from, but possibly the part of the post that I saw in you and reached out to was me seeing things sorta similar between us - mostly the frustration level in where normally? You'd never have gotten to that point ever. However when you did? I recognized it, and knew from looking back - that there is a slight chance once you cross over to that point? You are going downhill fast. Fighting an uphill battle very much alone. If I could take back any words I wouldn't but I'd have added those to try and make you understand I'm standing with you. Also if I lived anywhere near you? I'd take your son for a while and give you a break. You laugh - but I'm telling you - I get him. It would take one of us to take him for an afternoon and he'd do fine. That's what I'm telling you about outside world. They haven't survived one or two of these kids. They have no clue that under all that yelling, and screaming and threatening and combativeness - there is a kid that falls asleep at night - while you stand in the doorway of his room and cry while he sleeps blaming yourself and wondering where in the world that miracle is that will help him and WHY either of you have to suffer this whatever it is and how unfair it is. </p><p> </p><p>My heart goes out to you - It's a very unfair battle. I pass to you my tough as nails rhino skin, my warrior Mom suit, and any help I can ever offer as a board sister. My best advice at this stage of your battle is to not take any offense about therapy - but give it a try, and go, cry, be angry, sob, grit your teeth - whatever it is you need to do. Personally I took a baseball bat into the woods and beat trees and grass. My mantra used to be trees fear me - grass hates me - give you any idea where I was coming from? - I chuckle now and say "I'm much better now." But 15 years of thearapy in retrospect will do that for you. </p><p> </p><p>I'm glad you are here. It does get better - but know it's going to be tough - that's why you have friends who understand, support you and won't shoot you any BS. It is what it is - and then you go get pink toes. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 415102, member: 4964"] HML, You owe me nothing - I was sincerely worried about you. Had you come back with your feelings? I would have responded to them, and probably not like you are used to in the 'outside' world. Mostly because I raised boys, and because I had a son that would have tried the patience of any Saint. I was not a Saint by any means. I was just a Mom who was raised in a home to do as I was told, then had a son who didn't seem to do ANYTHING he was told and had an extremely hard time figuring out what in the world was the problem. Me? My parenting? Him? Nothing I did worked. Frustrating as it can get, and as helpful as the outside world tries to be? Most people who do NOT have children like ours haven't a clue. I say most because when you come here, and get suggestions or flat out advice? We have been there, and do know a little more about how to come at behavioral issues with kids like ours. In my case because I made the exact same mistakes I see others (not just you) posting about and I'll take a chance that you will get angry wtih me IF it helps the child. If it makes one change in your relationship with your son? It's worth it to me for you to think about what I said and be upset with someone you'll never meet in SC rather than me sit back and give you a 'hug' or sympathy. Change and suggestions will make changes for positive actions in your home - hugs and well wishes will not. When I came to the board and posted I also got some advice that took me out of my comfort zone, but a lot of it was from parents who had kids; now in their late 20's or who have passed away - I didn't want that for my son. I wanted to at least have an idea of what worked. Not everything does. What did work for us? Effective communication workbooks. Sounds ridiculous I know. I figured everyone already knows how to speak to people. Okay right now you're probably laughing thinking (well you could have used a little of that effective communication on me Star) and in a way you're right, I get very passionate about children and maybe what I saw in you and your son was a bit more of me and my son than I cared to remember. When I tell you he was out of control, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. We were both horribly oppositional. When it was suggested that I attend parenting classes I was all for it, but in a sarcastic way. Then it was suggested that we went to family counseling, and individual counseling while our son went to his therapy. He did individual therapy, anger management, art therapy, rec therapy. You name it. I think he even had yoga, and breathing therapy. Whatever there was - we left literally no rock unturned. His behavior was off the charts. I was dealing with a psychotic ex husband who wanted to hunt us down and kills us, the death of an older adopted son, finding out my x had run up credit in my name, back taxes, trying to buy a home when I found out all of this, a child who wanted to kill me, the school system, having my son kicked out of every day care, loosing a job, after job due to my sons behavior, psychiatric. hospitals, Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, crazy neighbors, the death of my Father, and just daily things, plus a nutty abusive past from my x - and I honestly thought I had it so together. By the time I did get to the doctor? I had been surviving on 3 hours of sleep a day for about 3-4 years. Wound tight? Yes please - tell ME I wasn't combative. Possibly my post - and I say possibly because I have no idea where you are coming from, but possibly the part of the post that I saw in you and reached out to was me seeing things sorta similar between us - mostly the frustration level in where normally? You'd never have gotten to that point ever. However when you did? I recognized it, and knew from looking back - that there is a slight chance once you cross over to that point? You are going downhill fast. Fighting an uphill battle very much alone. If I could take back any words I wouldn't but I'd have added those to try and make you understand I'm standing with you. Also if I lived anywhere near you? I'd take your son for a while and give you a break. You laugh - but I'm telling you - I get him. It would take one of us to take him for an afternoon and he'd do fine. That's what I'm telling you about outside world. They haven't survived one or two of these kids. They have no clue that under all that yelling, and screaming and threatening and combativeness - there is a kid that falls asleep at night - while you stand in the doorway of his room and cry while he sleeps blaming yourself and wondering where in the world that miracle is that will help him and WHY either of you have to suffer this whatever it is and how unfair it is. My heart goes out to you - It's a very unfair battle. I pass to you my tough as nails rhino skin, my warrior Mom suit, and any help I can ever offer as a board sister. My best advice at this stage of your battle is to not take any offense about therapy - but give it a try, and go, cry, be angry, sob, grit your teeth - whatever it is you need to do. Personally I took a baseball bat into the woods and beat trees and grass. My mantra used to be trees fear me - grass hates me - give you any idea where I was coming from? - I chuckle now and say "I'm much better now." But 15 years of thearapy in retrospect will do that for you. I'm glad you are here. It does get better - but know it's going to be tough - that's why you have friends who understand, support you and won't shoot you any BS. It is what it is - and then you go get pink toes. Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Was feeling hopeful and excited...until the guilt snuck back in.
Top