Wasted conversation with-bio grandma

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Dec 13, 2009.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    difficult child's bmom didn't show up for the birthday party Sat. Her mother said she wasn't feeling well. Yeah, right. She's used that excuse b4. She has made it to roughly half of difficult child's birthday parties, and we only see one another at this time of the year. This, from someone who really made a big deal out of open adoption.
    Her son, difficult child's 1/2 bro, didn't come, either. He was at his bio dad's house. Bio dad takes difficult child on weekends or something, and never answers his cell or home ph, and it infuriates bio grandma because they don't communicate. They had agreed to p/u the 1/2 bro for the party, but it just fell apart.
    So, grandma came by herself.
    We did get to talk, although most of her talking consisted of diagnosis-ing people from a distance when she has no idea who they are (one of my cousins' caregivers called during lunch, and I happened to mention it, since I had to leave the table) and grandma immediately said my cousin needs exercise, magnesium and doG-knows-what else.
    Later, as we discussed difficult child's allergies, she continued to talk about how good X,Y and Z foods were, and then added, "Oh, but I guess he can't have those. Well, he needs liquid vitamins because they go straight into his system."
    Like we didn't know that.
    She talked about how stubborn her daughter is, (difficult child's bmom) and she just sticks to one thing and won't change her mind, as well as the 1/2 bro, and I thought, well, that certainly runs in the family! And she decided it was because they were not spiritual and were not connected to Jesus. She complained that her daughter is doing nothing to encourage her son or motivate him for school or a potential job, buys him any videos he wants (mostly violent) and won't listen to anything she says. She still complains that everything that goes wrong in her life is because of her mother's interference and bad advice.
    I asked "how old is she?" and the grandma said, "32." I said, "Well, she's got to get over that." :laugh:
    What I didn't say was, "If I were 32, I'd be halfway across the country and not stuck under my mother's thumb any more, getting free day care and unwanted advice." :faint:
    Then she went on to say that she is a "seer," and difficult child is a "messenger," and she's really into horoscopes, and people are just born the way they are, because it's all predestined.
    So much for getting any family mental/medical history!

    It's all becoming clear now ...
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Just nod and smile, nod and smile...

    It's how we can get through so much in life.

    Anything she tells you that you're already doing, thank her for her wisdom and tell her that this sage advice is in exact agreement with what the best specialists have advised you to do. Stroke her ego, make her feel as if she is contributing something of use somewhere, because she clearly isn't having any impact on her daughter, and for someone like her (g'ma) to not have any impact on anyone even when she can so desperately see the need - very frustrating. So of course she will practice it all on you, because she has to gt results somewhere!

    For all her faults, she was there. I guess because she loves difficult child and she knows the right thing to do.

    But I do hear ya on "it doens't just run in our family, it gallops."

  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    she loves difficult child and she knows the right thing to do.

    Yes. And she had told her grandson to call difficult child last night but he never did ... sigh.

    But I do hear ya on "it doens't just run in our family, it gallops."

  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Terry, I've read that many open adoptions are not what they are advertised to be. In fact, the open adoption push is slowing down because kids are being disappointed by bio parents left & right.

    Kind of like the absent parent syndrome in divorce situations.

    Having said that, you have a clear idea & know the background before you adopt. A plus in my book.

  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Kind of like the absent parent syndrome in divorce situations.

    Absolutely. Everyone is all uptight when the baby is born ... they're so cute and helpless. When they get older, the interest wanes. That's life.