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Substance Abuse
wastedpotential ~ welcome to the board!
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<blockquote data-quote="wastedpotential" data-source="post: 498427" data-attributes="member: 13601"><p>Thank you both for the welcome. </p><p></p><p>I chose my name because that's what I think of when I think about my 23 year old son. He was such a bright, sweet, and funny child with so much going for him. That is one of the saddest things to me. </p><p></p><p> He started smoking pot at around 15 years old. I found out about pills during his teenage years but I always thought, and he always told us that pot was his drug of choice. He started to smoke a lot in HS and wound up getting suspended in his senior year for having pot in his locker. Throughout HS we had him in and out of counseling. He would tell the counselors what they wanted to hear and we were always told that it was just some rebellious behavior and he would be fine. We tried to get him into rehab but he refused. We kept convincing ourselves 'it's only pot, it could be so much worse'. It just seemed so extreme with him. Everything he does is 'a lot'. He is obese, he eats a lot, he smokes a lot of cigarettes...nothing in moderation for him.</p><p></p><p> He went to college and got expelled and arrested for dealing drugs out of his dorm room in his second semester. He came home and got clean in order to be able to live with us and get a job. Long story short, he's been unable to keep a job, been back and forth living with us, we've thrown him out twice but each time he loses his apt we let him back. He has stolen from us...that was when in addition to the drugs he got heavy into gambling. </p><p></p><p> Just this week I found out he's doing cocaine, too. That was a reality check for me and I felt like the wind was knocked out of me. I reached out for support on another forum I am on and one of the members directed me here. She said that I'll find the support I need here. One of the conditions of his moving back in was that he doesn't do drugs in our house. I don't think he is, but I know he's doing drugs whenever he's out of the house. We keep changing our rules and conditions because we want to let him live here, but that's getting harder and harder. He lost his last job because he failed a random drug test. He got that job by getting clean but once he got that job he started using again. He got the job he's starting on Monday by using synthetic urine to pass his drug test. I'm just kind of at a loss. I've gone to a few alanon meetings and I liked them, but I after awhile I felt like I was doing okay. And I was fooling myself thinking my son was 'getting better'. Functioning in life, using less...I was wrong. I can't detach. I still want to mother him, love him enough to make him want to stop. I know I can't. I don't know how to change my mindset. I know others here feel the pain that I do in my heart and I hope that reading and posting here will help me learn how to deal with it and how to detach as much as I need to to help him, and myself. </p><p></p><p>I also am afraid of drifting away from and neglecting the other parts of my life....my marriage, my daughter....because of the constant strain of my son's lifestyle.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for the hugs and for reaching out.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="wastedpotential, post: 498427, member: 13601"] Thank you both for the welcome. I chose my name because that's what I think of when I think about my 23 year old son. He was such a bright, sweet, and funny child with so much going for him. That is one of the saddest things to me. He started smoking pot at around 15 years old. I found out about pills during his teenage years but I always thought, and he always told us that pot was his drug of choice. He started to smoke a lot in HS and wound up getting suspended in his senior year for having pot in his locker. Throughout HS we had him in and out of counseling. He would tell the counselors what they wanted to hear and we were always told that it was just some rebellious behavior and he would be fine. We tried to get him into rehab but he refused. We kept convincing ourselves 'it's only pot, it could be so much worse'. It just seemed so extreme with him. Everything he does is 'a lot'. He is obese, he eats a lot, he smokes a lot of cigarettes...nothing in moderation for him. He went to college and got expelled and arrested for dealing drugs out of his dorm room in his second semester. He came home and got clean in order to be able to live with us and get a job. Long story short, he's been unable to keep a job, been back and forth living with us, we've thrown him out twice but each time he loses his apt we let him back. He has stolen from us...that was when in addition to the drugs he got heavy into gambling. Just this week I found out he's doing cocaine, too. That was a reality check for me and I felt like the wind was knocked out of me. I reached out for support on another forum I am on and one of the members directed me here. She said that I'll find the support I need here. One of the conditions of his moving back in was that he doesn't do drugs in our house. I don't think he is, but I know he's doing drugs whenever he's out of the house. We keep changing our rules and conditions because we want to let him live here, but that's getting harder and harder. He lost his last job because he failed a random drug test. He got that job by getting clean but once he got that job he started using again. He got the job he's starting on Monday by using synthetic urine to pass his drug test. I'm just kind of at a loss. I've gone to a few alanon meetings and I liked them, but I after awhile I felt like I was doing okay. And I was fooling myself thinking my son was 'getting better'. Functioning in life, using less...I was wrong. I can't detach. I still want to mother him, love him enough to make him want to stop. I know I can't. I don't know how to change my mindset. I know others here feel the pain that I do in my heart and I hope that reading and posting here will help me learn how to deal with it and how to detach as much as I need to to help him, and myself. I also am afraid of drifting away from and neglecting the other parts of my life....my marriage, my daughter....because of the constant strain of my son's lifestyle. Thanks for the hugs and for reaching out. [/QUOTE]
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wastedpotential ~ welcome to the board!
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