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Waving the white flag RE: school
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<blockquote data-quote="greenrene" data-source="post: 493097" data-attributes="member: 9177"><p>Wow such fast responses! It's late here, but I will expound some - </p><p></p><p>Early background/biomom: Biomom has both biological issues and background issues - she was abandoned as a young child, spent a few years in a childrens' home/orphanage, eventually ended up living with her father (which is where difficult child spent her first couple of years of life). She is an extreme difficult child herself, never able to keep a job or live on her own, no education, etc. She definitely has mental issues, although they are undiagnosed - she is almost certainly bipolar, has a horrible temper, and is just generally an unpleasant person - she and husband were together when he was in the height of his own difficult child days.... I can only imagine difficult child's home life when she lived with biomom - I know there was some neglect, but not outright abuse I don't think. They were/are very poor, biomom went from minimum wage job to minimum wage job... no real motivation or direction there. Biomom really is a sad case. She never had much of a chance herself, you know?</p><p></p><p>My husband is very supportive, but he's about as frustrated as I am with everything and at a loss sometimes as well. He has done well in taking on more responsibilities with her in the past few years, especially since we moved here to FL back in 2009 (it hasn't always been that way, but that's another loooong story - he's always been kind and loving though). He gets her up in the morning, he makes sure she gets ready on time, he gives her her medications (which she has recently started trying to hide, so he has to really watch her), and he drives her to school every day (a 20-minute drive which is "their" time).</p><p></p><p>difficult child goes to "Homework Club" every day after school (an invitation-only activity for kids with IEPs), which has been an absolute lifesaver. Most of the time she gets her homework done there. The problem comes when, for whatever reason, she doesn't turn the homework in. I'll add that she's not in public school anymore - she went to public school when we lived in KY, but when we moved here (summer before 6th grade) we thought it would be better for her to go to a private school. She goes to a very small Catholic school - there are less than 20 kids in her entire grade. She gets lots of one-on-one help that way.</p><p></p><p>Testing/medications/evaluations, etc: She was originally diagnosis'd by her pediatrician around age 5, and pediatrician managed medications until age 11 when we moved to FL. She has, since we moved, seen several professionals and been tested quite a bit, including at the local university's autism treatment center - she definitely is ADHD, but she's not "enough" of other things to have an official diagnosis. She shows many Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) traits. Right now her medications are managed by a neurologist, and we have an appointment with him next week to discuss medications. The medication issue in relation to schoolwork is difficult to ascertain, and it's hard to know if changes need to be made. It's a "better the devil you know than the one you don't" thing - the medications make a HUGE difference in her, but she's still really struggling with schoolwork, and that TEMPER... However, she is absolutely off the chain when she's off her medications.</p><p></p><p>I don't want to give the wrong impression of my mother in law. She is truly a wonderful person, and we'd all be up a creek if it weren't for her support with difficult child, both emotionally and financially. Her son (my husband) was quite a difficult child too back in the day (only without the temper his daughter has!), so she's been there done that. She is just really worried about her granddaughter, and I understand that. She sees a problem, she wants to fix it. She just doesn't seem to understand that I just can't. do. it. She advises me to reduce the drama as much as possible by avoiding areas of conflict when possible but then says that "someone" needs to micromanage her schoolwork. I don't do that much micromanagement for my 3rd grader, much less difficult child who is supposed to be getting ready to start high school next year! I guess I just need to talk to her about it, but I'm a bigtime conflict avoider...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="greenrene, post: 493097, member: 9177"] Wow such fast responses! It's late here, but I will expound some - Early background/biomom: Biomom has both biological issues and background issues - she was abandoned as a young child, spent a few years in a childrens' home/orphanage, eventually ended up living with her father (which is where difficult child spent her first couple of years of life). She is an extreme difficult child herself, never able to keep a job or live on her own, no education, etc. She definitely has mental issues, although they are undiagnosed - she is almost certainly bipolar, has a horrible temper, and is just generally an unpleasant person - she and husband were together when he was in the height of his own difficult child days.... I can only imagine difficult child's home life when she lived with biomom - I know there was some neglect, but not outright abuse I don't think. They were/are very poor, biomom went from minimum wage job to minimum wage job... no real motivation or direction there. Biomom really is a sad case. She never had much of a chance herself, you know? My husband is very supportive, but he's about as frustrated as I am with everything and at a loss sometimes as well. He has done well in taking on more responsibilities with her in the past few years, especially since we moved here to FL back in 2009 (it hasn't always been that way, but that's another loooong story - he's always been kind and loving though). He gets her up in the morning, he makes sure she gets ready on time, he gives her her medications (which she has recently started trying to hide, so he has to really watch her), and he drives her to school every day (a 20-minute drive which is "their" time). difficult child goes to "Homework Club" every day after school (an invitation-only activity for kids with IEPs), which has been an absolute lifesaver. Most of the time she gets her homework done there. The problem comes when, for whatever reason, she doesn't turn the homework in. I'll add that she's not in public school anymore - she went to public school when we lived in KY, but when we moved here (summer before 6th grade) we thought it would be better for her to go to a private school. She goes to a very small Catholic school - there are less than 20 kids in her entire grade. She gets lots of one-on-one help that way. Testing/medications/evaluations, etc: She was originally diagnosis'd by her pediatrician around age 5, and pediatrician managed medications until age 11 when we moved to FL. She has, since we moved, seen several professionals and been tested quite a bit, including at the local university's autism treatment center - she definitely is ADHD, but she's not "enough" of other things to have an official diagnosis. She shows many Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) traits. Right now her medications are managed by a neurologist, and we have an appointment with him next week to discuss medications. The medication issue in relation to schoolwork is difficult to ascertain, and it's hard to know if changes need to be made. It's a "better the devil you know than the one you don't" thing - the medications make a HUGE difference in her, but she's still really struggling with schoolwork, and that TEMPER... However, she is absolutely off the chain when she's off her medications. I don't want to give the wrong impression of my mother in law. She is truly a wonderful person, and we'd all be up a creek if it weren't for her support with difficult child, both emotionally and financially. Her son (my husband) was quite a difficult child too back in the day (only without the temper his daughter has!), so she's been there done that. She is just really worried about her granddaughter, and I understand that. She sees a problem, she wants to fix it. She just doesn't seem to understand that I just can't. do. it. She advises me to reduce the drama as much as possible by avoiding areas of conflict when possible but then says that "someone" needs to micromanage her schoolwork. I don't do that much micromanagement for my 3rd grader, much less difficult child who is supposed to be getting ready to start high school next year! I guess I just need to talk to her about it, but I'm a bigtime conflict avoider... [/QUOTE]
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