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Way too dependent
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<blockquote data-quote="gcvmom" data-source="post: 374261" data-attributes="member: 3444"><p>My difficult child 2 was somewhat like this up until about the last year. Getting ready for school, getting ready for bed, the usual routine things he just had to have someone hovering to tell him what to do or supervise. He has always had me sing to him at night and I was getting really tired of it. It wasn't cute anymore and with the other demands on me, I just didn't have the energy or the enthusiasm. I wasn't very nice and flat out told him no, I was too tired and although I still love him, he needed to just go to bed. He complained a lot at first, but now it's not an issue any more. Both difficult child's will ask me to do stuff for them that they can easily do themselves but don't want to. If it's at the wrong time or flat out inappropriate for me to do, I do not hesitate to say no and explain why I'm saying no. Usually it's a matter of them needing to consider that they are completely capable of doing for themselves and that what I'm in the midst of doing cannot be interrupted and/or I'm just not up to it. I try to talk to all of them about the benefits of becoming more independent, behaving more maturely, (looser restrictions on what they get to do, privileges gained, etc.) so that it's a meaningful process and not a power struggle. This is a big deal for difficult child 1 right now because he's realizing that he could have gotten his driver's permit 6 months ago if he'd had his act together. But now he's going to be 16 in a few weeks and will have to wait until the end of the first semester (February) to see if his grades and behavior merit a trip to the DMV. I think this talking point (plus a recent medication tweak) have finally gotten his attention, but only time will tell.</p><p> </p><p>I have to add that since my dad died and my whole family witnessed my open grieving over the loss, they have been MUCH more empathetic towards me. If I'm having a bad day, all I have to do is say so, and they are suddenly much more cooperative and helpful towards me. I think there's something to be said for teaching our kids that their parents are human and have needs too, and that at some point their mindset has to shift away from their own needs, if only for a little while.</p><p> </p><p>Good luck, Sharon. This is a tough transition for a lot of difficult child's.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gcvmom, post: 374261, member: 3444"] My difficult child 2 was somewhat like this up until about the last year. Getting ready for school, getting ready for bed, the usual routine things he just had to have someone hovering to tell him what to do or supervise. He has always had me sing to him at night and I was getting really tired of it. It wasn't cute anymore and with the other demands on me, I just didn't have the energy or the enthusiasm. I wasn't very nice and flat out told him no, I was too tired and although I still love him, he needed to just go to bed. He complained a lot at first, but now it's not an issue any more. Both difficult child's will ask me to do stuff for them that they can easily do themselves but don't want to. If it's at the wrong time or flat out inappropriate for me to do, I do not hesitate to say no and explain why I'm saying no. Usually it's a matter of them needing to consider that they are completely capable of doing for themselves and that what I'm in the midst of doing cannot be interrupted and/or I'm just not up to it. I try to talk to all of them about the benefits of becoming more independent, behaving more maturely, (looser restrictions on what they get to do, privileges gained, etc.) so that it's a meaningful process and not a power struggle. This is a big deal for difficult child 1 right now because he's realizing that he could have gotten his driver's permit 6 months ago if he'd had his act together. But now he's going to be 16 in a few weeks and will have to wait until the end of the first semester (February) to see if his grades and behavior merit a trip to the DMV. I think this talking point (plus a recent medication tweak) have finally gotten his attention, but only time will tell. I have to add that since my dad died and my whole family witnessed my open grieving over the loss, they have been MUCH more empathetic towards me. If I'm having a bad day, all I have to do is say so, and they are suddenly much more cooperative and helpful towards me. I think there's something to be said for teaching our kids that their parents are human and have needs too, and that at some point their mindset has to shift away from their own needs, if only for a little while. Good luck, Sharon. This is a tough transition for a lot of difficult child's. [/QUOTE]
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