wayward daughter

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by scootles, May 8, 2014.

  1. scootles

    scootles New Member

    With the past event happening with my son.I finally laid it into my 26 yr old daughter. my daughter will put anyone or anything in front of me.But when she needs something and I refuse,she will use my grandkids as a guilt trip.which usually works.this time I asked her to help me out with some groceries and she flat out told me no!I expect my children to do for me,but sadly I have to accept that they will not be there for me.I cussed her out.I feel like I'm getting it from both end and I'm tired of it.Now she will keep my grandkids from seeing me.I feel at a loss w her.its either her way or no way.but I'm so tired of being treated like this by my kids
  2. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Good for you! Standing up for ourselves is almost impossibly hard. (Well, it is for me, anyway.)

    We are responsible for the kinds of relationships we encourage. I like that you stood up for yourself.

    How will you get the groceries, now?

  3. scootles

    scootles New Member

    Don't know.it breaks my heart that I can't rely on my an kids.I always wish for that closeness from both of them but they both seem to hate me and want to get as far as they can from me
  4. LoveSushi

    LoveSushi Member

    I don't understand. You expect your adult kids to help you out? And you cussed out your daughter when she wouldn't?
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I understand. She just asked her grown daughter to help her bring in the groceries. Most considerate kids do this on their own when they are twelve. Her daughter acted like a jerk, probably for the 100th time, and said no after this mother has probably given her the world so she lost it and cussed her out.

    I never went as far as cussing out my kids, but I have sent two of them packing.

    Now this poster is afraid, rightfully so, that her daughter will withhold the grandkids from her because her daughter will somehow turn this all around and make it seem like her mother is the bad guy. This is a difficult child. It is what they do.

    That is why we have to learn to detach...live and let live. Sometimes we even have to emotionally withdraw from the grands because we can not force our impossible, childish difficult children to allow us to be with the grands unless we do exactly what they tell us to do, and often it is like blackmail.

    scooties, I feel your pain and I understand. I certainly would expect my grown kids to help me haul in groceries. If they won't do that much, well, I'd work very hard on getting my own life together....without the adult child. I am sorry your daughter is so selfish. It is not your fault and I'm not surprised you lost it on her. Sometimes so much piles up that we just collapse...that's when we know that WE need to change our relationship with this adult child, even if that means putting them on the back burner for our own mental and physical health. If you are tired of being mistreated by your grown kids, demand respect and set boundaries. They will raise holy hello at first and maybe give you the silent treatment and threaten you even, but you need to move on with your life with people who respect and appreciate the goodness in you. If the kids come back, make sure they do it under your new boundaires. For example, if my adult son starts to yell at me or swears at me or calls me even one name I hang up on him. He knows I will do this. It has made things a lot more pleasant for me when I speak to him. He is states away so I don't have to see him very often and it is a good thing, at least for me.

    Sorry for your sad, hurting mommy heart.
  6. LoveSushi

    LoveSushi Member

    OHHHH! I read it differently. I thought she was asking her adult (living on her own) daughter to buy her groceries!

    I don't know the story, so I shouldn't have commented. My apologies.