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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 221044" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Is difficult child romantically involved with this young man? Does he work? or is he looking?</p><p>If she can understand that if she wants the relationship to work both he and she need to work a bit. </p><p>I know our difficult child's have a great deal of difficulty holding jobs which has nothing to do with being lazy or pampered. They don't function in the real world like everyone else. </p><p></p><p>Obviously, if this young man hurts your daughter, then you have to offer her some sort of protection or intervention. You can not force it on her. </p><p></p><p>Part of the problem with unique young adults like mine, is that they are lonely. They are not in the mainstream of life and not many people are calling to include them in activities. People who act friendly usually have an ulterior motive to use our kids for rides, food, money, a roof etc. I feel for them and their need to connect to another human being. It must feel desolate to have to struggle to just get acknowledged in a social group. I don't judge harshly those that reinvite an abuser into their midst because they are "nice" to a difficult child. Of course, we have to teach her to think she is worth more than to settle for someone who hurts her but society often says "we aren't including you because you are different". These young adults yearn for a connection on both a same sex bff as well as an opposite sex type relationship. They are searching for the same things most young adults search for. A place in this world to feel like they are valued. Unfortunately, many of our difficult child's can't find it and accept the lowest rung of the ladder to have any connection. To them terrible is better than none. It's heartbreaking. </p><p></p><p>As far as food.... I made a decision a while back that difficult child will never go without food and without shelter. I will not turn my back to those fundamental needs. It's a personal choice and not everyone agrees with it. It is non negotiable for me. Having said that, I don't feel a great need to feed the neighborhood but if someone is hungry, I will not turn them away. There is a bit of human kindness that should be part of my everyday life. Giving someone food is not going to hurt me. You may have to control what she has in the house so that your difficult child is not taken advantage of. Maybe she picks up a days worth of groceries at a time or invite her home for dinner by herself. Grocery gift cards are good as well as buying the groceries for her so that you know where the money is going. </p><p>Heck, You know she isn't alone and you know for the most part she is safe. It's always going to be a tightrope walk from teaching them to be self sufficient to over indulging or enabling them. </p><p></p><p>Of course, all through this I would be encouraging her to find work and to use the services available. I would also ask this young man when he was contributing to the grocery bill and if he is going to work? Keep the pressure on with some subtlety that they must do to get. </p><p></p><p>I feel for her need to be connected but it's always tough. Hugs. A mom thinking her child is being taken advantage of or going hungry is a lot of worry to have going around in your head late at night. </p><p>Food just isn't going to be the battleground for me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 221044, member: 3"] Is difficult child romantically involved with this young man? Does he work? or is he looking? If she can understand that if she wants the relationship to work both he and she need to work a bit. I know our difficult child's have a great deal of difficulty holding jobs which has nothing to do with being lazy or pampered. They don't function in the real world like everyone else. Obviously, if this young man hurts your daughter, then you have to offer her some sort of protection or intervention. You can not force it on her. Part of the problem with unique young adults like mine, is that they are lonely. They are not in the mainstream of life and not many people are calling to include them in activities. People who act friendly usually have an ulterior motive to use our kids for rides, food, money, a roof etc. I feel for them and their need to connect to another human being. It must feel desolate to have to struggle to just get acknowledged in a social group. I don't judge harshly those that reinvite an abuser into their midst because they are "nice" to a difficult child. Of course, we have to teach her to think she is worth more than to settle for someone who hurts her but society often says "we aren't including you because you are different". These young adults yearn for a connection on both a same sex bff as well as an opposite sex type relationship. They are searching for the same things most young adults search for. A place in this world to feel like they are valued. Unfortunately, many of our difficult child's can't find it and accept the lowest rung of the ladder to have any connection. To them terrible is better than none. It's heartbreaking. As far as food.... I made a decision a while back that difficult child will never go without food and without shelter. I will not turn my back to those fundamental needs. It's a personal choice and not everyone agrees with it. It is non negotiable for me. Having said that, I don't feel a great need to feed the neighborhood but if someone is hungry, I will not turn them away. There is a bit of human kindness that should be part of my everyday life. Giving someone food is not going to hurt me. You may have to control what she has in the house so that your difficult child is not taken advantage of. Maybe she picks up a days worth of groceries at a time or invite her home for dinner by herself. Grocery gift cards are good as well as buying the groceries for her so that you know where the money is going. Heck, You know she isn't alone and you know for the most part she is safe. It's always going to be a tightrope walk from teaching them to be self sufficient to over indulging or enabling them. Of course, all through this I would be encouraging her to find work and to use the services available. I would also ask this young man when he was contributing to the grocery bill and if he is going to work? Keep the pressure on with some subtlety that they must do to get. I feel for her need to be connected but it's always tough. Hugs. A mom thinking her child is being taken advantage of or going hungry is a lot of worry to have going around in your head late at night. Food just isn't going to be the battleground for me. [/QUOTE]
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