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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 467250" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Hi there and welcome. How wonderful that you are searching for options and opinions. I am feeling all over the place tonight so I am sorry in advance that my thougths will likely ramble here....</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">It is really early in your process to speculate but as others have said, the first place is to start with an evaluation.Someone mentioned all of the options... and as an Speech Language Pathologist (SLP), it is not too early for speech lang assessment, though if it was me, I would be looking at her language processing. Some subtle language issues can include processing or understanding sounds or words or sentences even if the hearing for sounds is normal. She also should be checked for how well she does with memory...can she follow simple one, two, three step directions...?? How is she with more complex or novel directions? Occupational Therapy evaluation/Sensory Integration evaluation may be a biggie for her because I am sure a few of us see some red flags from your post (rigid about food/limited variety...screamming etc. these can be from many things but IF it is a sensory thing it does wonders to know. Her out of control feelings may respond well to some of the things they do in private Occupational Therapist (OT). Anyway, evaluations with a neuropsychologist, psychiatrist etc. can take time and you are wondering about what to do in the mean time too... I love 123 magic but it may not be enough because for some kids to hit ALL of the problems (any behavior, that's one...any second behaior, that's two...etc. ) IF they have lots of problems then it can overwhelm them. Another book that helps you deal with problems (and it can be adapted to younger kids easily, I did it and even our school chimed in) is The Explosive Child. You will hear lots of parents here talk about it. I was thrilled when I heard them talk about it because it was one of the books that helped me survive my son's earlier years. it is so hard when you have a child who not only doesn't do what you expect but also has issues that seem to go beyond typical naughty stuff...it is affecting school etc. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">She is not able to control and change this at this time. You can control your decisions though....you can pick and choose battles. If she uses words/screams maybe for now think of it as communication and think, What is she really telling me now? Why I say to maybe not flip out over disrespectful sounding yelling and words, is because you say she is aggressive and first you may want to teach her to use words. it just may be too much to also expect her to useonly nice, quiet, polite words in those aggressive moments. The first goal is safety. Once aggression is reduced and she feels heard, maybe start to work on the word choice etc...(obviously if these are not your biggest issues ignore this, pick your issues) . I was thinking too that maybe some special outings for attention may help her with some of the possible trust/anxiety issues she has from what has happened in her past...the disruption of her bond with bio mom. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Kids with lots of issues get punished a lot and their self concept becomes a "I'm a bad kid" and it can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I am not saying you are doing this...she is early in this and I am just saying if it continues at school plus home it could go down that road. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Just throwing out ideas, take what fits.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Now a comment on the RED YELLOW Green light classroom management progam. People are gonna think I'm crazy saying this because my son is on a color/zone behavior plan but it is very different than what you are talking about. I will tell you (in my humble opinion) I HATE that plan for kids who struggle. It is great for the average kid who has good internal calming and control. It can cause anxiety and an inability for a child to access whatever few self control skills they do have. And it is so all or nothing....some teachers will break the day into halves or quarters where when the kids come back they are all back to green etc. but still, what is the motivation to turn it around if once they have a RED day it is just a RED day. (not positive how your daughter's class is doing this but in general I have never seen it work for kids with behavioral challenges that go beyond typical). I am gonna sound like a broken record to some here but there are other types of programs that work better and help to TEACH the child to learn better self control and to change their current state. They are praised for turning it around and getting back to a calmer state/or a state appropriate to the situation (may be loud if playground etc.). The 5 point scale is one method...easly to look up online. How does your engine run is another. My son uses a combo that doesn't have a name yet I think.. it is being published by an Occupational Therapist (OT) in our district but basically combines the above...Green zone is appropriate for the situation, following directions etc. yellow is not following directions, too loud, saying inappropriate things, etc (it is individualized to eachspecific child when teaching it), red for mine is hitting, kicking, throwing, etc.... blue is when he shuts down-can be good he is calming himself, can be bad when he is escaping or it might mean he is ill or sleepy etc. teachers have a card with the colors on it to cue him about what color he is in then to point to what color he needs to go to. He is praised for getting himself into a better state. He has a "tool box" which is a book of pictures and statements that show him what his choices are to get out of red or yellow and into green.(sit and count airplanes, put on earphones and swing in the class swing, crawl under a desk and sqeeze a squish ball, do wall push ups, deep breaths etc. Other things for blue to green if needed. This helps them develop skills. There are lots of variations and the nice thing is when in public all I have to say now is ...You need to be in green if you want to go to X. AND he even says....Hey can I go do X with -name- if I stay in the green zone? OF course this does not work all of the time but has it taken everything down many many notches????YUP!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">I would assume he is a little more dysregulated than your daughter so I dont mean to compare her and say she has some serious thing (she may but you will need to see) but these kinds of approaches support kids better (speaking as mom and sp. ed. person) in my humble opinion of course.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Regarding the food issue, she sounds pretty rigid and maybe she needs that control? Or, maybe it is a sensory thing... only blander foods, maybe only foods with certain colors etc. texture can be a big deal to some kids too. I am not criticizing your parenting decision at all by deciding not to reinforce her for what looks like just being picky or oppositional, but you dont know yet if she has an underlying issue. AND for many kids with behavior issues I was thinking that any kind of discomfort (hunger) can trigger bigger issues. So you might be shooting yourself in the foot. My sisters actually laugh at how obvious it is when my son has not eaten. You may be risking triggering/escalating her issues without realizing it because her blood sugars and hunger levels are not being kept more even. I know you said you can't give her pbj every night, but I dont remember if you said why you couldn't. She is old enough to do it herself by the way. Put a glob of each on a plate if you think she will make a huge mess with the jar. No negative comments, no fine then-this is what you get. Just part of the routine. (some people use cereal instead) ....Again, given all of the big issues, do you want to make that a priority? Some of the emotional stuff may need to come first. Again, I dont live there so obviously dont know much about you all so it is just some thoughts which is why most of us come here, smile.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">I wish it was as easy as do one thing then all of the compliance issues will be solved. It rarely is. Sorry again this is so rambling.... But I wanted to let you know I cared and hear that you have taken on a lovely task. Folks at this site have been through he** and not even back (for some of us) and so we can throw out lots of ideas, but you have to pick what you feel could work for you. Pls. know any suggestions are out of a desire to help. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Hugs to both the kiddos and to you and hubby too. Also, thank you for your service. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hangin.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hangin:" title="hangin :hangin:" data-shortname=":hangin:" /></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 467250, member: 12886"] [SIZE=2]Hi there and welcome. How wonderful that you are searching for options and opinions. I am feeling all over the place tonight so I am sorry in advance that my thougths will likely ramble here.... It is really early in your process to speculate but as others have said, the first place is to start with an evaluation.Someone mentioned all of the options... and as an Speech Language Pathologist (SLP), it is not too early for speech lang assessment, though if it was me, I would be looking at her language processing. Some subtle language issues can include processing or understanding sounds or words or sentences even if the hearing for sounds is normal. She also should be checked for how well she does with memory...can she follow simple one, two, three step directions...?? How is she with more complex or novel directions? Occupational Therapy evaluation/Sensory Integration evaluation may be a biggie for her because I am sure a few of us see some red flags from your post (rigid about food/limited variety...screamming etc. these can be from many things but IF it is a sensory thing it does wonders to know. Her out of control feelings may respond well to some of the things they do in private Occupational Therapist (OT). Anyway, evaluations with a neuropsychologist, psychiatrist etc. can take time and you are wondering about what to do in the mean time too... I love 123 magic but it may not be enough because for some kids to hit ALL of the problems (any behavior, that's one...any second behaior, that's two...etc. ) IF they have lots of problems then it can overwhelm them. Another book that helps you deal with problems (and it can be adapted to younger kids easily, I did it and even our school chimed in) is The Explosive Child. You will hear lots of parents here talk about it. I was thrilled when I heard them talk about it because it was one of the books that helped me survive my son's earlier years. it is so hard when you have a child who not only doesn't do what you expect but also has issues that seem to go beyond typical naughty stuff...it is affecting school etc. She is not able to control and change this at this time. You can control your decisions though....you can pick and choose battles. If she uses words/screams maybe for now think of it as communication and think, What is she really telling me now? Why I say to maybe not flip out over disrespectful sounding yelling and words, is because you say she is aggressive and first you may want to teach her to use words. it just may be too much to also expect her to useonly nice, quiet, polite words in those aggressive moments. The first goal is safety. Once aggression is reduced and she feels heard, maybe start to work on the word choice etc...(obviously if these are not your biggest issues ignore this, pick your issues) . I was thinking too that maybe some special outings for attention may help her with some of the possible trust/anxiety issues she has from what has happened in her past...the disruption of her bond with bio mom. Kids with lots of issues get punished a lot and their self concept becomes a "I'm a bad kid" and it can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I am not saying you are doing this...she is early in this and I am just saying if it continues at school plus home it could go down that road. Just throwing out ideas, take what fits. Now a comment on the RED YELLOW Green light classroom management progam. People are gonna think I'm crazy saying this because my son is on a color/zone behavior plan but it is very different than what you are talking about. I will tell you (in my humble opinion) I HATE that plan for kids who struggle. It is great for the average kid who has good internal calming and control. It can cause anxiety and an inability for a child to access whatever few self control skills they do have. And it is so all or nothing....some teachers will break the day into halves or quarters where when the kids come back they are all back to green etc. but still, what is the motivation to turn it around if once they have a RED day it is just a RED day. (not positive how your daughter's class is doing this but in general I have never seen it work for kids with behavioral challenges that go beyond typical). I am gonna sound like a broken record to some here but there are other types of programs that work better and help to TEACH the child to learn better self control and to change their current state. They are praised for turning it around and getting back to a calmer state/or a state appropriate to the situation (may be loud if playground etc.). The 5 point scale is one method...easly to look up online. How does your engine run is another. My son uses a combo that doesn't have a name yet I think.. it is being published by an Occupational Therapist (OT) in our district but basically combines the above...Green zone is appropriate for the situation, following directions etc. yellow is not following directions, too loud, saying inappropriate things, etc (it is individualized to eachspecific child when teaching it), red for mine is hitting, kicking, throwing, etc.... blue is when he shuts down-can be good he is calming himself, can be bad when he is escaping or it might mean he is ill or sleepy etc. teachers have a card with the colors on it to cue him about what color he is in then to point to what color he needs to go to. He is praised for getting himself into a better state. He has a "tool box" which is a book of pictures and statements that show him what his choices are to get out of red or yellow and into green.(sit and count airplanes, put on earphones and swing in the class swing, crawl under a desk and sqeeze a squish ball, do wall push ups, deep breaths etc. Other things for blue to green if needed. This helps them develop skills. There are lots of variations and the nice thing is when in public all I have to say now is ...You need to be in green if you want to go to X. AND he even says....Hey can I go do X with -name- if I stay in the green zone? OF course this does not work all of the time but has it taken everything down many many notches????YUP! I would assume he is a little more dysregulated than your daughter so I dont mean to compare her and say she has some serious thing (she may but you will need to see) but these kinds of approaches support kids better (speaking as mom and sp. ed. person) in my humble opinion of course. Regarding the food issue, she sounds pretty rigid and maybe she needs that control? Or, maybe it is a sensory thing... only blander foods, maybe only foods with certain colors etc. texture can be a big deal to some kids too. I am not criticizing your parenting decision at all by deciding not to reinforce her for what looks like just being picky or oppositional, but you dont know yet if she has an underlying issue. AND for many kids with behavior issues I was thinking that any kind of discomfort (hunger) can trigger bigger issues. So you might be shooting yourself in the foot. My sisters actually laugh at how obvious it is when my son has not eaten. You may be risking triggering/escalating her issues without realizing it because her blood sugars and hunger levels are not being kept more even. I know you said you can't give her pbj every night, but I dont remember if you said why you couldn't. She is old enough to do it herself by the way. Put a glob of each on a plate if you think she will make a huge mess with the jar. No negative comments, no fine then-this is what you get. Just part of the routine. (some people use cereal instead) ....Again, given all of the big issues, do you want to make that a priority? Some of the emotional stuff may need to come first. Again, I dont live there so obviously dont know much about you all so it is just some thoughts which is why most of us come here, smile. I wish it was as easy as do one thing then all of the compliance issues will be solved. It rarely is. Sorry again this is so rambling.... But I wanted to let you know I cared and hear that you have taken on a lovely task. Folks at this site have been through he** and not even back (for some of us) and so we can throw out lots of ideas, but you have to pick what you feel could work for you. Pls. know any suggestions are out of a desire to help. Hugs to both the kiddos and to you and hubby too. Also, thank you for your service. :hangin:[/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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