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We both don't know what to do anymore.
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<blockquote data-quote="forkeeps251" data-source="post: 468960" data-attributes="member: 12854"><p>I have a son, only about a month older that your step daughter, who is having a hard time as well. We are also in the process of getting him seen by a specialist for his behavior problems... but I know that can take some time. In the mean time, I'll tell you what has helped us. He was started on a behavior plan at school. It might have been easier for us to get this accomplished because he was already receiving special services through speech therapy for a speech delay, but I had the school psychologist come and observe him and help us put into place a behavior plan.</p><p>He has only been on it for about a week and a half, but so far, things are MUCH MUCH better. He is happier, we are happier, and there is SO much less stress on all our family. </p><p>Our behavior plan pretty much is this: EACH and EVERY time he does something right (like sharing with his friends, or standing in line correctly), he is praised and rewarded with a sticker. As my husband said "We treat the good behavior just like the bad behavior". In other words, if your daughter does something like bite someone (just a random example), you don't wait till the end of the day to see that she is punished or reprimanded, do you? For bad behavior, every time we see it in our children, we let them know. The way the psychologist told us, is that for some kids stuff doesn't come naturally and it has to be learned, so every time we see good or correct behavior, we let them know. At the end of the day my son shows me all the stickers he has collected, and the focus is much more on the good behavior, with lots of over the top praise. The bad behavior... actually we haven't had any negative reports from school since we started this, but once we do, we would talk about it, and if it was serious enough, he would have some small punishment, like spending some time in his room or no TV time, that kind of thing. Right now we have got four objectives that he is working on, and the smaller stuff (like talking in the hallway or something like that), is basically ignored. He is reminded of these things, but doesn't receive any negative consequense. </p><p>This has been much better for his self esteem, and he is happier and so are we since we don't have to reprimand him every single night. Before the feedback was done in a similar way, where we looked at the overall, end of the day behavior, and that wasn't working well at all.</p><p></p><p>As far as the eating issue goes, my husband feels much the same way that you do, that they should eat what they are given. This is always a silent battle in our house, as I feel more like I don't eat food I can't stand, so why should they have to? I try to accomidate my kids as much as I can by fixing them foods they like, and if they don't like the meal, just fixing it for myself and my husband and giving them an alternative. I would recommend finding something that you are both happy with so at least she gets the nutrition she needs. Some kids are picky eaters, and sometimes they grow out of it, but sometimes they don't.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="forkeeps251, post: 468960, member: 12854"] I have a son, only about a month older that your step daughter, who is having a hard time as well. We are also in the process of getting him seen by a specialist for his behavior problems... but I know that can take some time. In the mean time, I'll tell you what has helped us. He was started on a behavior plan at school. It might have been easier for us to get this accomplished because he was already receiving special services through speech therapy for a speech delay, but I had the school psychologist come and observe him and help us put into place a behavior plan. He has only been on it for about a week and a half, but so far, things are MUCH MUCH better. He is happier, we are happier, and there is SO much less stress on all our family. Our behavior plan pretty much is this: EACH and EVERY time he does something right (like sharing with his friends, or standing in line correctly), he is praised and rewarded with a sticker. As my husband said "We treat the good behavior just like the bad behavior". In other words, if your daughter does something like bite someone (just a random example), you don't wait till the end of the day to see that she is punished or reprimanded, do you? For bad behavior, every time we see it in our children, we let them know. The way the psychologist told us, is that for some kids stuff doesn't come naturally and it has to be learned, so every time we see good or correct behavior, we let them know. At the end of the day my son shows me all the stickers he has collected, and the focus is much more on the good behavior, with lots of over the top praise. The bad behavior... actually we haven't had any negative reports from school since we started this, but once we do, we would talk about it, and if it was serious enough, he would have some small punishment, like spending some time in his room or no TV time, that kind of thing. Right now we have got four objectives that he is working on, and the smaller stuff (like talking in the hallway or something like that), is basically ignored. He is reminded of these things, but doesn't receive any negative consequense. This has been much better for his self esteem, and he is happier and so are we since we don't have to reprimand him every single night. Before the feedback was done in a similar way, where we looked at the overall, end of the day behavior, and that wasn't working well at all. As far as the eating issue goes, my husband feels much the same way that you do, that they should eat what they are given. This is always a silent battle in our house, as I feel more like I don't eat food I can't stand, so why should they have to? I try to accomidate my kids as much as I can by fixing them foods they like, and if they don't like the meal, just fixing it for myself and my husband and giving them an alternative. I would recommend finding something that you are both happy with so at least she gets the nutrition she needs. Some kids are picky eaters, and sometimes they grow out of it, but sometimes they don't. [/QUOTE]
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