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We changed the locks, she went to sugar daddy site
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 619097" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>We understand here how much you love your adult child and how much this hurts. I have been there too. It is awful and painful.</p><p></p><p>MWM tells it like it is. You have to let her go---after all she is an adult, no matter how many childish and dumb decisions she is making.</p><p></p><p>She will have to find her own way. Nobody can tell anybody anything to "save them the pain of living it." We have to experience it ourselves, for the most part. </p><p></p><p>This site may help you shorten the long, agonizing months and years of doing what your heart wants instead of what you and your daughter need.</p><p></p><p>If you have an open mind and are miserable enough to want to change the way you are doing things. And that is what has to happen for her as well---believe me, she sounds super-resilient and resourceful. Once her life as is stops working for her, she'll change it. </p><p></p><p>So, start the hard work, as MWM said, of detachment. Read the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. It is great and one of my core books. I have given it to others who are in the throes of stopping enabling and setting healthy boundaries and I go to the book and reread sections all the time.</p><p></p><p>You don't mention whether your daughter is using drugs or alcohol or not. If this is the case, consider going to an Al-Anon meeting. Go to six before you decide if Al-Anon is for you or not. Al-Anon has saved my life and my sanity in dealing with my 24 yo son. It is wonderful.</p><p></p><p>Melody Beattie also has several other books, including some daily devotionals. She is a recovering addict and alcoholic and a great writer. She also lost her son prematurely in an accident. She has been through it all, and she gets it. </p><p></p><p>Another writer who has helped me a lot is Anne Lamott. She writes great books, very practical, about life, love, faith and relationships.</p><p>I also like the book Simple Abundance, it's a daily reader and straight talker.</p><p></p><p>I have had a lot of therapy in my life---well before all of this with my son---so I had that good foundation as well. A good therapist is worth a lot. Also, one easy thing that pays great dividends is every day, writing down 5 things you are grateful for. Just take two or three minutes and do this, and sit thoughtfully with your list for a couple of minutes. You will be amazed---I mean this---at how much this will change your attitude and your outlook.</p><p></p><p>Also, every day, focus on what YOU want to do, what YOU enjoy, living YOUR life, working toward your goals. Do kind and nice things for yourself. I exercise, take trips, own my own business, am involved in church and in the community, etc. I am living my own life, and I am grateful for all my life includes today. I work hard every day to turn my son back over to God. I have to do it over and over again.</p><p></p><p>Your beautiful, smart daughter can turn and walk in a new direction at any time. She has her college degree already! That is great. You are already on the road to setting boundaries as you changed the locks and said no more. Often, when we start setting boundaries (Cloud talks about this in his book) people push back hard. Things get worse. They don't like it because we have changed and then they have to change.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. We are here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 619097, member: 17542"] We understand here how much you love your adult child and how much this hurts. I have been there too. It is awful and painful. MWM tells it like it is. You have to let her go---after all she is an adult, no matter how many childish and dumb decisions she is making. She will have to find her own way. Nobody can tell anybody anything to "save them the pain of living it." We have to experience it ourselves, for the most part. This site may help you shorten the long, agonizing months and years of doing what your heart wants instead of what you and your daughter need. If you have an open mind and are miserable enough to want to change the way you are doing things. And that is what has to happen for her as well---believe me, she sounds super-resilient and resourceful. Once her life as is stops working for her, she'll change it. So, start the hard work, as MWM said, of detachment. Read the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. It is great and one of my core books. I have given it to others who are in the throes of stopping enabling and setting healthy boundaries and I go to the book and reread sections all the time. You don't mention whether your daughter is using drugs or alcohol or not. If this is the case, consider going to an Al-Anon meeting. Go to six before you decide if Al-Anon is for you or not. Al-Anon has saved my life and my sanity in dealing with my 24 yo son. It is wonderful. Melody Beattie also has several other books, including some daily devotionals. She is a recovering addict and alcoholic and a great writer. She also lost her son prematurely in an accident. She has been through it all, and she gets it. Another writer who has helped me a lot is Anne Lamott. She writes great books, very practical, about life, love, faith and relationships. I also like the book Simple Abundance, it's a daily reader and straight talker. I have had a lot of therapy in my life---well before all of this with my son---so I had that good foundation as well. A good therapist is worth a lot. Also, one easy thing that pays great dividends is every day, writing down 5 things you are grateful for. Just take two or three minutes and do this, and sit thoughtfully with your list for a couple of minutes. You will be amazed---I mean this---at how much this will change your attitude and your outlook. Also, every day, focus on what YOU want to do, what YOU enjoy, living YOUR life, working toward your goals. Do kind and nice things for yourself. I exercise, take trips, own my own business, am involved in church and in the community, etc. I am living my own life, and I am grateful for all my life includes today. I work hard every day to turn my son back over to God. I have to do it over and over again. Your beautiful, smart daughter can turn and walk in a new direction at any time. She has her college degree already! That is great. You are already on the road to setting boundaries as you changed the locks and said no more. Often, when we start setting boundaries (Cloud talks about this in his book) people push back hard. Things get worse. They don't like it because we have changed and then they have to change. Hang in there. We are here for you. [/QUOTE]
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