We hadn't even gotten in the car from camp when difficult child had a very public meltdown

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Jul 21, 2012.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    He was extremely agitated yesterday when I picked him up, didn't even want to show me his new video game he had spent a week creating ... then he demanded that he go home and game immediately. I told him no, he's got other things to do and remember, I told you things were going to change. One of those changes is no gaming, and total control of your movements. You owe us a lot of money and have to get working on it. You've had a whole week to game. Now that I think about it, I could have phrased it differently, considering how black and white his thinking is.

    We got out into the pkng lot and he was practically turning purple.
    He started to yell, and it turned into a very public, "I HATE YOU AND YOU HATE ME AND YOU AREN'T EVEN MY REAL MOTHER AND I CAME OUT OF R'S STOMACH AND YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND A THING ABOUT ME AND JUST SHUT UP AND GET IN THE CAR, AND NO I WILL NOT SHUT UP AND I DON'T CARE WHO'S LISTENING, and EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT BECAUSE DAD DOES EVERYTHING YOU WANT HIM TO..."

    I was in tears, he was bright red, and I noticed a woman standing in front of my car (I had the AC going but wouldn't sit down with-difficult child until he calmed down because I can't drive under those emotional conditions). I walked over to her. She had tears in her eyes and I saw her son standing by their car a few pkng spaces away. She said, "I have a sister just like you and I saw so much of her in you and I just wanted to see if you needed anything."
    OMG, what an angel. I asked for a bit of info and she said the boy is 21 now, and she asked if I wanted to go out for coffee. I said I'd love to, but, "He's in the car ..." and as I turned to gesture toward difficult child, a police car drove up. She said her name was Annette and she hugged me. Frankly, if it hadn't been for her, I think I'd have had a nervous breakdown.

    The campus police ofc pulled up behind my car (I didn't realize it until now, but he blocked me in ... very clever). He said that people at the other end of the pkng lot had said there was a fight going on. I told him that I'd just picked up my son from camp and he'd been gaming all wk and I told him he couldn't game at home and now he hates me. I told him I wanted to go home but I didn't think it was safe to drive in that position. He asked if he should talk to him and what he should say and I said, "Yes, say something about how we're out in public and he's got to calm down."
    He knocked on the door and when difficult child opened the passenger side, I noticed that the officer had a gun. I guess I didn't realize that campus police carried guns. I thought they just carried walkie-talkies.
    So he said he had 5 boys and he'd been through this and difficult child needed to calm down, and that sure, men and women, and especially guys and their moms don't always think alike, but you have to show respect. And people were complaining about the arguing and he's out in public and has got to stop it.
    difficult child never said a word, but he listened, and his face was totally contorted in agitation and rage.

    I finally got back in the car and we didn't even get out of the pkng lot when difficult child started up again. It turned out that his girlfriend, N, has limited min. on her phone, but online gaming gives her unlimited min. and it was she difficult child really wanted to talk to.
    Sigh.
    I pulled over again 1/2 blk away, and then drove around the block 3X because I couldn't remember where to go. I just put my head on the steering wheel at a red light. difficult child offered his gps but we had to sign up for it and put it on a credit card, and just then, I noticed a fwy sign.

    After he got it all out of his system, he was personable, told me he was texting some girls he'd met at camp, and that he'd hardly slept (the mattress was uncomfortable) or eaten (the food was awful) and he was very tired. "And I've never transistioned well, coming home from camp, anyway," he added.

    Ya think?

    When we got home, I made him wait until we went upstairs together, and then I showed him that we'd removed his door because he'd still been taking things and he needed to earn back our trust, and that I'd cleaned his room.
    He wanted a computer and I said he could earn it to play the game he created, if he swept and cleaned one corner of the room. He started to have a fit so I just walked away but in a few min, he had the dustpan and small broom in his hand and was in the corner.

    I went out with-some friends for their bdays last night, which helped, and when I got home, husband was sitting in the kitchen by himself and difficult child was upstairs by himself and husband said difficult child was not talking but he wasn't arguing, either.

    I slept and slept but I still feel like a wet rag today.

    Annette, whoever you are, THANK YOU!
     
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    P.S. So does this mean the lithium doesn't really work? It just makes him more talkative but doesn't do anything for his moods.
     
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I wouldn't be too worried about the medications tight now. Your difficult child just endured a prolonged period of sleeplessness and poor nutrition and then had his "plans" (that I'm sure he's spent most of the camp time thinking about and looking forward to) shot down. Give him a chance to catch up on the sleep, get his diet back to normal, and get used to the changes you've made at home. It may take awhile but for difficult child's like ours, he's had what amounts to a hurricane happen to him since he left for camp.

    {{{{HUGS}}}} to you as you wait for the "routine" to return.
     
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Okay. Deep breath.
    Thank you.
     
  5. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    No problem. Except for the gaming and stealing (at this point in time), your difficult child sounds a LOT like my difficult child 1 and the things difficult child told you are a recipe for disaster in our house.......for a week or more....... hang in there. This too shall pass.
     
  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Sorry u had a day like that. Hope things get better.
     
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I forgot to mention, that before we got on the freeway, I asked difficult child to please take 1/2 of a clonidine. He did.
    Good thing, because not only was it the start of Fri rush hour, but there was an accident 1/2 way home that slowed traffic to a crawl. He would have been kicking and screaming if he hadn't already taken the clonidine and finished his earlier vent.
     
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You are a better woman than I.
     
  9. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    Sounds like, all things considered, you did alright and did keep your head about you. Thank you to Annette! Sometimes someone is there just when you need them, police included. Also sounds like difficult child was able to bring himself back down a bit. Good thinking with the clonidine. I know we've had to bring some with us as well at times (also the prn for food rages).

    I hope things get back to normal rather quickly for you and difficult child steps in line with the new changes.
     
  10. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Whoever this Annette lady was, I think I love her.

    I'm so very impressed, Terry... I don't know how you do it!!!
     
  11. Wow Terry - I know how worried you were about picking him up from camp. I'm so glad that Annette was there and that the police officer showed up. It sounds like it kind of diffused the situation even if it was only for a short while.

    Glad he took the clonidine as well.

    You did well! Proud of you mom! Hope that the rest of this weekend isn't too difficult for you.
     
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you all!
    I ran errands today with-difficult child. He wasn't happy about it but it went much better than expected. One of the errands was to drive by Mrs. Druglady's house to get the exact address. I don't recall if I mentioned it, but the detective changed his mind about working with-all of the kids and the Druglady, and is only going to court against difficult child. :( He said that the crime was not committed in our jurisdiction. YES it was! It happened in her house. She pawned it in another jurisdiction.
    I am so mad!
    I called the other place last wk and they haven't gotten back to me yet. I will go in person on Monday. What a waste of my life.
    Anyway, another errand was to stop by a jeweler and get an estimate for the most expensive ring.
    Another was to stop by Trader Joe's and pick up flowers for my landscaper and savior, W, and his wife, E, who kept difficult child at their house while husband and I were in Colo helping my sister pack up to move after her husband died. Then I dropped off the flowers and chatted with-them for a while.

    difficult child never got out of the car, but he went everywhere with-me ... because this all involves him, and I am not going to let him sit home and play video games while I waste my time doing his work.

    Right now he is sound asleep. He said he didn't feel well ... I think that maybe he got car sick because he was texting during our errands. Or maybe he's still worn out from not sleeping at camp. Anyway, the house is quiet and I know where he is. Thank goodness for small favors. :)
     
  13. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I'm late to the party, but I just wanted to add a few thoughts.

    I could see my difficult child behaving like yours did. He was transitioning from camp to home. I don't know what the rules were like at camp (really strict? Kind of lax?) but I'm sure that they were different than what he has at home and he has to go from a "camp" state of mind to a "home" state of mind. That's a trigger, at least in our house it is. He said that he really didn't eat or sleep well while he was there, which can be a HUGE trigger.

    Just because he had a major meltdow does not not mean that the lithium isn't working for him. My difficult child takes risperdal, and has been pretty successful on it. However, we do still have those moments where he is just off the wall and nothing is going to talk him back down from the ledge until he just gets it out of his system. How long has be been on the lithium? I thoink that for some of these kids, not matter what medications they are on that works for them they still have these moments and no amount of medication is going to fix that.
     
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Bunny. Yes, it was a bad transition and the rules at camp were very lax. For one thing, he never took a shower the entire time. Ew. And they didn't pay much attention to who was really sleeping and who was texting all night.
    He's been on the lithium for a month. We did a blood draw a cpl wks ago, and see the dr Wed.
     
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm late too. Just got back in town. WAnted to remind you that Lithium takes 6-8 weeks and needs to be at a therapeutic level before it kicks in. Has he been on it that long? Had any levels drawn? They usually draw lithium levels a lot when a kid first starts taking it because it really needs to be not too low or not too high and it can cause side effects.
     
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yes, he's had a level drawn. Actually, it will be between 5-6 wks when we see the dr on Wed. I'll let you know.
     
  17. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just want to add in some hugs. Those public outbursts take so much out of you. I'm glad "Annette" was there to offer some support.
     
  18. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm glad he was able to calm down, I can how upsetting it all was for you. And it's good that Annette and campus police were there, even though the gun is a scarey thought when dealing with one of our kids. And it's good to make sure he sees the fallout from his actions.
     
  19. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Terry, hugs just hugs. What a saint of a mother you are, and isn't it great how our higher power puts people in our path to cool things off like the lady in the parking lot?
     
  20. BeachPeace

    BeachPeace Guest

    Hugs ---
    I use prn clonidine for Blue to diffuse rage - works better for us than the prn risperdal
    No advice just a reminder to me to try to be an "Annette" in life if/when I ever have the opportunity.
     
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