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We know where my daughter is
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<blockquote data-quote="bran155" data-source="post: 222941"><p>Oh steely you are so sweet! </p><p></p><p>I am not as strong as it may seem. I just recently started to detach after all of these horrible heartbreaking years. I think it is a natural progression, we are human and can only take so much. I still flail, some days I am better than others. We all are just works in progress. It is really tough to love this person with everything that you are only to be treated horribly. Between sustaining the abuse and dealing with the anxiety of worrying about my daughter it is a never ending coaster of emotion. It is just draining!!! I too feel physically sick inside, I walk around with a pit in my stomach, my knees are weak and my heart races. When it gets really bad I begin to shake and sometimes I vomit. No parent, other than parents like us could ever begin to understand how difficult it is to raise a mentally ill child. I sometimes wish my daughter was physically ill instead. I think people would be more forgiving. I even think I would be more forgiving. Even though I logically know and believe my daughter has a valid illness, it is just so hard because she looks so totally "normal". Aside from her illness she is a regular girl. She wants to look nice, wear make-up, smell pretty and have nice girly things. It breaks my heart that she looks so regular and yet inside she is a mess!!!</p><p></p><p>I think when you finally reach your breaking point, you too will begin to detach. In my personal experience I wasn't able to force myself, beginning to detach had to come naturally. (for me anyway) I have tried so hard over the years to detach and just could not. Now, I am truly fed up!!! I actually feel guilty for not being more worried, for not doing more to help her even though I know there isn't anything left that I can do. I am just so used to being her savior, I don't feel right not rescuing her. I am addicted to this craziness. Of course her not being here makes detaching a whole lot easier. She has the ability to rope me in so quickly. When she is home I have a very hard time letting go. I am so much more emotional when she is here. I don't know what is worse, dealing with her abuse or worrying about where she is and what she is doing. If I can help it she will never live with me again, or at least not until she is dedicated to her treatment. It is just too hard. </p><p></p><p>Like you once said to me: "We will get through this someway, somehow" </p><p></p><p>God bless,</p><p></p><p>Shawna <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>p.s. You are a wonderful mom. And you are stronger than you give yourself credit for!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="bran155, post: 222941"] Oh steely you are so sweet! I am not as strong as it may seem. I just recently started to detach after all of these horrible heartbreaking years. I think it is a natural progression, we are human and can only take so much. I still flail, some days I am better than others. We all are just works in progress. It is really tough to love this person with everything that you are only to be treated horribly. Between sustaining the abuse and dealing with the anxiety of worrying about my daughter it is a never ending coaster of emotion. It is just draining!!! I too feel physically sick inside, I walk around with a pit in my stomach, my knees are weak and my heart races. When it gets really bad I begin to shake and sometimes I vomit. No parent, other than parents like us could ever begin to understand how difficult it is to raise a mentally ill child. I sometimes wish my daughter was physically ill instead. I think people would be more forgiving. I even think I would be more forgiving. Even though I logically know and believe my daughter has a valid illness, it is just so hard because she looks so totally "normal". Aside from her illness she is a regular girl. She wants to look nice, wear make-up, smell pretty and have nice girly things. It breaks my heart that she looks so regular and yet inside she is a mess!!! I think when you finally reach your breaking point, you too will begin to detach. In my personal experience I wasn't able to force myself, beginning to detach had to come naturally. (for me anyway) I have tried so hard over the years to detach and just could not. Now, I am truly fed up!!! I actually feel guilty for not being more worried, for not doing more to help her even though I know there isn't anything left that I can do. I am just so used to being her savior, I don't feel right not rescuing her. I am addicted to this craziness. Of course her not being here makes detaching a whole lot easier. She has the ability to rope me in so quickly. When she is home I have a very hard time letting go. I am so much more emotional when she is here. I don't know what is worse, dealing with her abuse or worrying about where she is and what she is doing. If I can help it she will never live with me again, or at least not until she is dedicated to her treatment. It is just too hard. Like you once said to me: "We will get through this someway, somehow" God bless, Shawna :) p.s. You are a wonderful mom. And you are stronger than you give yourself credit for!!! [/QUOTE]
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