Maybe this is a cultural thing, but here in Australia I've been to several weddings where the request was for money instead of gifts and nobody seemed to be offended. If you like, I can get the actual wording of what my sister used, for her daughter's wedding (the most recent one, and I recall, also worded beautifully).
What my sister did - in the wedding invitation, where you might put a bridal register card, for example, she put another card which basically said, "As the couple have already been set up in their household for some time, they already have a lot of things they can use in their future life together. What they would really appreciate from you, if you choose to do this, is a cash equivalent of any gift you were likely to give, to put towards their honeymoon and perhaps to go towards something really special, such as a new kitchen. If you wish to participate in this, you may be anonymous and so no specific money amount needs to be known by them. We will have a wishing well set up in the foyer at the reception, with a gift book. You can put your money gift into an envelope supplied and put it into the well. If you also sign the book they will know that they have you to thank for giving them this extra start in their life together.
If you would prefer to not do this, we do understand and welcome your participation at their special day."
Or words to that effect.
The wishing well - it was a large drum, decorated to look like a traditional wishing well with a slot in the lid so envelopes could be dropped in. The book sat next to the slot, with pen attached. The bucket which was wound up to the top, held empty envelopes. If people wanted to, they could put their names on the envelopes, but if you couldn't afford much and didn't want to be embarrassed, you could make it totally anonymous and simply sign the book as being among those who donated.
And if you didn't want to do this, you could still give them a toaster, or similar. Because all they would do with the many toasters they might receive, is cash them in anyway.
husband & I cashed in the double-ups we received when we married (we got four crock-pots! We kept the biggest one, cashed in the others). From the cash we raised, we bought a set of really good saucepans, which we still use 30 years later. The wishing well is a more honest way of doing this, in my opinion.
If you think this is OK, and my recollection of my sister's wording isn't quite what you want, let me know and I will telephone her to ask what exactly they DID put.
Some people find the concept of a bridal register offensive. Frankly, I wished we'd had one - I had my heart set on a particular range of very nice glasses, to complete a collection begun when we were given a lovely pair of glasses for our engagement. A bit expensive, but I wanted something special. ONE glass from each of my five sisters would have made me happy. What I got - several boxed sets of standard glass beakers, so that we STILL haven't broken our way through them all.
As I said, this could be a cultural difference thing - wedding customs are different, in different countries. But the object of wedding gifts is to help the young couple set up their new household, so surely practicality should be welcomed?
Marg
