wedding gift?????
- Thread starter peg2
- Start date
trinityroyal
Well-Known Member
Peg,
That sounds generous and entirely appropriate.
Trinity
That sounds generous and entirely appropriate.
Trinity
mrscatinthehat
Seussical
If it doesn't hurt you I am sure they would be very appreciative of that.
beth
beth
1 Day At a Time
Member
Sounds right on target to me.
The best gifts always come in green, in my humble opinion!
The best gifts always come in green, in my humble opinion!
Around my part of the country people give expensive gifts, a rule about a cash gift should cover the cost of the dinner(or dinners) and since I am bringing 3 other people with me(hus. and 2 adult kids) I guess I'm supposed to give aobut $300.00???? Yeah, right............................
Thanks for the advice.
Thanks for the advice.
trinityroyal
Well-Known Member
That "cash gift should be equal to the cost of the dinner" thing has been making the rounds for a while. It's not a rule, nor is it proper etiquette, just the crackpot ideas of misguided people who think that the guests are responsible for covering the cost of the wedding.
You should give what you can comfortably afford, and feel comfortable giving. I think your gift is right on the mark...very generous, and a good start for a new couple just starting out.
(People around here tend to give big splashy gifts too, but I refuse to get on the one-upmanship roller coaster)
Give your gift and enjoy the wedding.
Trinity
You should give what you can comfortably afford, and feel comfortable giving. I think your gift is right on the mark...very generous, and a good start for a new couple just starting out.
(People around here tend to give big splashy gifts too, but I refuse to get on the one-upmanship roller coaster)
Give your gift and enjoy the wedding.
Trinity
Marguerite
Active Member
I think it does vary from place to place.
In our area these days, we have gift registries. I wish we'd had them when husband & I got married; back then people asked us what we wanted and gave us things (mostly missing by a mile).
difficult child 1 & girlfriend have used an online gift registry which allows people to buy things generically (they aren't specifying a particular store, which has been the other option). Cash is also an option, but it too gets logged online because their thank-you cards are also aided this way.
My brother sent a wedding gift to difficult child 1 - bro is going to be in hospital on day of wedding, so can't make it. He also can't afford much but he used the online gift registry to put together a hamper of kitchen tools for the kids. I know what he bought and roughly how much it costs - it won't have cost as much as I know other people are giving, but I do know the kids really value what he sent. The main item was a set of measuring cups and a silicone cake pan - I know when they use these items, they will be thinking of their uncle who was in hospital.
I do know that when husband & I use various items in the house, we remember the person who gave it to us. In some cases, when cash was given and we put it towards something we wanted, we still remember the people who contributed.
A young friend of ours didn't want gifts because she and her new husband had been living together for some years, both were over 30 and didn't need household items. Instead they asked for money to put towards their honeymoon. The money given made more side trips possible and whenever they look at their wedding photos, I know they will be thinking of their guests who contributed.
Marg
In our area these days, we have gift registries. I wish we'd had them when husband & I got married; back then people asked us what we wanted and gave us things (mostly missing by a mile).
difficult child 1 & girlfriend have used an online gift registry which allows people to buy things generically (they aren't specifying a particular store, which has been the other option). Cash is also an option, but it too gets logged online because their thank-you cards are also aided this way.
My brother sent a wedding gift to difficult child 1 - bro is going to be in hospital on day of wedding, so can't make it. He also can't afford much but he used the online gift registry to put together a hamper of kitchen tools for the kids. I know what he bought and roughly how much it costs - it won't have cost as much as I know other people are giving, but I do know the kids really value what he sent. The main item was a set of measuring cups and a silicone cake pan - I know when they use these items, they will be thinking of their uncle who was in hospital.
I do know that when husband & I use various items in the house, we remember the person who gave it to us. In some cases, when cash was given and we put it towards something we wanted, we still remember the people who contributed.
A young friend of ours didn't want gifts because she and her new husband had been living together for some years, both were over 30 and didn't need household items. Instead they asked for money to put towards their honeymoon. The money given made more side trips possible and whenever they look at their wedding photos, I know they will be thinking of their guests who contributed.
Marg
A gift should certainly be what you can comfortably afford. Stay OFF the one-upmanship ride!
When my bff got married I had travelled 800 miles with a 7month old to help her the week before the wedding. AND had husband fly in two days before. So we really couldn't afford much for the gift. I had a beautiful basket someone had given me and I filled it with floral foam. Then I bought things like a turkey baster, oven thermometer, etc... the stuff you don't realize you need until you are trying to make your first holiday dinner for the inlaws and the stores are all closed. I think she called me 8 times that first year to tell me how my gift came in handy (even though she thought some of it was nuts because she hadn't ever cooked much!)
I was also glad I hadn't gone whole hog on the gift because she bragged about how the bridesmaids gifts cost her less than a dollar and two hours each (she made a strange crochetted basked for each of us). She told us this AT the wedding, which I thought was wholly inappropriate.
When my bff got married I had travelled 800 miles with a 7month old to help her the week before the wedding. AND had husband fly in two days before. So we really couldn't afford much for the gift. I had a beautiful basket someone had given me and I filled it with floral foam. Then I bought things like a turkey baster, oven thermometer, etc... the stuff you don't realize you need until you are trying to make your first holiday dinner for the inlaws and the stores are all closed. I think she called me 8 times that first year to tell me how my gift came in handy (even though she thought some of it was nuts because she hadn't ever cooked much!)
I was also glad I hadn't gone whole hog on the gift because she bragged about how the bridesmaids gifts cost her less than a dollar and two hours each (she made a strange crochetted basked for each of us). She told us this AT the wedding, which I thought was wholly inappropriate.
Lothlorien
Active Member
Peg, I'm in NJ. Covering the cost of the dinner is what a lot of people do, however, it is not the rule. Give what you can afford. They've invited you to spend the day and share the memories with them, not because you paid for your ticket.
My cousin got married in North Jersey at this ridiculously expensive place. It was about $300. per person. I know this because my cousin assumed that my aunt and uncle were going to foot the majority of this bill and went ahead and booked the placed without even asking his parents if they would pay and not asking his bride's parents first either. My aunt and uncle were more than annoyed. Anyway, we gave about $300. not $600. I only gave that much, because he was my cousin and close family.
When I got married (and I had a very big wedding at a very nice place) we got gifts as little as $25., but I didn't care, because the person that gave that wasn't in the position to give more. I was just thrilled that the person came and shared my day with me. I wouldn't have cared if that person gave us anything at all. If the family is that shallow as to expect you to give more than you can afford than I really wouldn't worry about what they think.
My cousin got married in North Jersey at this ridiculously expensive place. It was about $300. per person. I know this because my cousin assumed that my aunt and uncle were going to foot the majority of this bill and went ahead and booked the placed without even asking his parents if they would pay and not asking his bride's parents first either. My aunt and uncle were more than annoyed. Anyway, we gave about $300. not $600. I only gave that much, because he was my cousin and close family.
When I got married (and I had a very big wedding at a very nice place) we got gifts as little as $25., but I didn't care, because the person that gave that wasn't in the position to give more. I was just thrilled that the person came and shared my day with me. I wouldn't have cared if that person gave us anything at all. If the family is that shallow as to expect you to give more than you can afford than I really wouldn't worry about what they think.
hearts and roses
Mind Reader
I agree, covering the cost of your dinner is just a guideline that's been suggested for years, though not the rule. Another guideling to keep in mind is if you're traveling or will need to stay in a hotel.
The point of having a ceremony is to make a committment to one another in front of your loved ones. The point of having a reception is to celebrate the union. I think it's a bit cheezy for any couple to expect their guests to help cover the costs involved.
My H always gives more than I think is appropriate. When we went to my nephew's wedding a few years back I stuck a $100 in the envelope. My H snuck in another $200. I was appalled but he was adament, so I left it. I think my sister was very VERY surprised. And we did stay over in a hotel as the drive was 5 hours away!! OM-G.
You give what you can and enjoy the day. Incidentally, have you asked anyone if there is a registry. Often, the happy couple will add items to the registry knowing that many people do not intend to spend more than $100 anyway. You should check this out.
The point of having a ceremony is to make a committment to one another in front of your loved ones. The point of having a reception is to celebrate the union. I think it's a bit cheezy for any couple to expect their guests to help cover the costs involved.
My H always gives more than I think is appropriate. When we went to my nephew's wedding a few years back I stuck a $100 in the envelope. My H snuck in another $200. I was appalled but he was adament, so I left it. I think my sister was very VERY surprised. And we did stay over in a hotel as the drive was 5 hours away!! OM-G.
You give what you can and enjoy the day. Incidentally, have you asked anyone if there is a registry. Often, the happy couple will add items to the registry knowing that many people do not intend to spend more than $100 anyway. You should check this out.
