Week 1 complete

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Sep 8, 2007.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Only 4 days in the first week of school, and I am already feeling overwhelmed. :crying:

    I just do not understand. Doesn't difficult child know what this does to both myself and husband? He knows how hard the last year was...why???

    With the first email on Thursday about his refusal to do DOL..I talked with him and reminded him that he would be moved to the other class if he needed help. To stay where he is he must keep up with his work, as he promised.

    Friday evening he woke me up to ask if he could go to a friends house, it was his birthday. I asked about school, he said he had a good day, no trouble and he "even did his DOL". :whew:

    So, since I know this boy, I said it was ok with me.

    Now, last year it was standard policy at the school that progress reports went home every other Wednesday. I had it set up for every Wednesday to keep up on his missing work.
    After the email on Thursday, I sent an email to each one of his teachers. I asked if it would be possible to meet with them, I asked them to notify me if there are any problems with difficult child. I asked them if possible to have a progress report every Wednesday so I could keep current with difficult child's progress.

    Each one of his teachers replied, with the same answer:
    Not available after school, they leave as soon as school gets out.
    They do not send home progress reports.

    So..I feel even worse. Then I recieve an email from his English teacher. She says for two days in a row she had to give him a temporary lanyard and he must "find" his lanyard and ID as it is mandatory he wear it. (he hasn't worn his lanyard and ID for two years..for some reason he thinks that rule does not apply to him. I have bought him many each year, but he keeps "losing" them.) He takes his lanyard/ID each morning. Brings it home each evening. Don't know what he is doing with it or what he is telling the teachers. She also said he had a poem to write over the weekend, rough draft and final copy due on Monday. (rough draft WAS due on Friday) She had to give him a second copy of the directions. :grrr:
    He is so disorganized. Every year same crap. Loses absolutely everything. Usually takes more than 4 days for these things to happen. Last year it took a semester. Thing is does he not think this is wrong? He seems in a good mood, when I ask about homework he quickly replies he did it. I ask if he had gotten into any trouble, quickly replies "nope". As if he honestly believes this is OK. It is NOT OK. :grrr: :grrr: :grrr:

    I didn't get the email until I got to work at midnight, so he is at his friends. I just cannot deal with this from an 8th grader.
    When I spoke to him Friday morning about moving to the other class where there is more help, he cried. So, what's he do...no lanyard/ID, no directions, no rough draft. That is just ONE class. Replies from the other teachers came prior to school on Friday. I asked if he is taking his folders/supplies to class. he says yep. I highly doubt that. I bet after only 4 days if I opened his locker everything would fall out.

    I looked online at schoolnotes - Thursday early AM. Math book must be covered by Friday and sylabus's signed. (didn't know what that was) i reminded difficult child before school to take these items home Thursday night. Reminded husband when he picked him up that he must have these things. Well you guessed it, he didn't. He brought the WRONG book. :hammer:

    I am totally stressed already. 176 days to go.
     
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    At some point it seems like it must be HIS job and HIS consequences. I realize he needs extra supports, that is what his IEP is for.

    Many of the teachers at the 8th grade level here refuse to check in with parent weekly unless absolutely forced. They feel the student should be more independent. Not sure if your son is capable of being this independent or not. It was a rough year for my difficult child.

    What consequences does school put out for missed assignments? Is he going to miss dances and things the way our kids do?

    Your earlier post said that weekly progress reports are in his IEP. Seems to me that any teacher who refuses is not meeting his/her assignment, esp if they can email you - easily done, received, and checked. IF they won't email you with progress reports, why should you ride difficult child about what they want? (We had a REALLY bad time with this so I am just rather sniffy about this).

    Sorry it is so rough. We had to check homework constantly, and finally had to just let our guy tough out the consequences at school. It certainly tore our homelife apart.

    Hugs,

    Susie
     
  3. ML

    ML Guest

    How frustrating! I kind of understand. We know our kids are capable of so much more. But they put roadblocks in their own way. They bite the hand that feeds them. They are just so confused and full of pain. So many times we don't get to know what demons they are fighting.

    All I can say is that I encourage you to keep doing what you are doing. You're doing an awesome job, mom. The best you can.

    Hugs,

    MicheleL
     
  4. Kjs,

    I can tell you that your story was our verbatim for our 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th and 10th grade experiences - no matter what we did or what we tried. The missing piece was difficult child - he just was not buying into any of it. Just now in the 11th grade, things are getting a little bit better. Quite honestly, I attribute that to some budding maturity - because nothing that we did with difficult child really made a difference.

    However, one thing that we have gotten much, much better at is working with the school and within their rules. If I had it to do over I would absolutely be much more demanding of the school and the teachers. What's this about teachers leaving right after school and refusing to send progress reports? in my humble opinion, absolutely unacceptable! I think it's time to go to your IEP coordinator or prinicipal or whoever is in charge. If they don't respond, then you need to go to their bosses. I have done that much more on occasion and that gets results! It really helps to do the research, be armed with knowledge and calmly and persistently insist that they follow their own rules and policies. It is also helpful to have an advocate to come with you. difficult child's psychiatrist will do that and actually spends a good bit of his time in school meetings for his patients.

    I used to take difficult child's refusual to "play the school game" and his lying about it personally. I have stepped back from that stance and now I know from what has been explained by the evaluations we have gotten that difficult child has been doing all that he could at the time. The lying wasn't aimed at us personally, it was a coping mechanism (a very bad one). We've been working to help him understand that much and to find other mechanisms that are more appropriate and productive for him.

    The bottom line, though is that it is the school's responsibility to educate ALL children. And, remember, you pay the taxes that fund the schools and pay those teachers'salaries. I don't know how much teachers make in your neck of the woods - but their salaries are listed online here and some of ours are close to (and some are over) six figures. Teachers in our system are required to have a graduate degree or be working towards one. That's a decent income in my book and I think that means they can stay after school to meet with you at your request - and adhere to IEP's. (Personally I believe that all students should have an IEP).

    Many hugs to you. You are a good Mom and are doing what you can to help your difficult child through the school process. We have been there and to some extent are still there a little bit. The difference now for us is that we've gained some understanding into what makes difficult child tick and what his issues are. He's a very bright kid, but he has issues standing it the way of letting him go the "normal route". We've let some of our earlier dreams for him go and have gotten more on track with what is more appropriate for him as a total person.

    by the way, we struggle with the school ID as well.Sometimes I wonder about that school ID. difficult child is in this third year in a school of 350 kids. He is well known by all. The ID seems a little silly. I feel the same way at my job. We have 75 employees there - most who have been there over 5 years - but we get in huge trouble if we don't wear a huge ID with photo. I guess the apple doesn't fall very far from the tree :smile:
     
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Kjs,
    I'm sorry the year is starting out on such a frustrating level. Can the spec. ed. teacher help him with organization?

    It's hard when the teachers can't stay after school. I know it's hard for me to stay after. I always offer to come in early and am able once in awhile to arrange my schedule to stay later.
     
  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Gee ~ I need to move. I have a master's degree and 27 years of experience and I make nowhere near six figures.

    As far as progress reports ~ does the school have the technology to send them by email? Even at the high school level, I send them home faithfully every Friday. It just takes a click of a button.

    I thought every school could do that by now. Also, could you make an appointment to meet with the teachers in the morning before school? I know that our middle schools start later and end later than our high schools and that the middle school teachers have time in the morning built into their workday so that they can tutor students and meet with parents.

    ~Kathy
     
  7. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Well, I spoke with the program director and she set up a meeting on Tuesday with all his teachers. This way we will be on the same page.

    I spoke to difficult child over the weekend and he refuses to use the things we have in place. He won't use the computer because he said other kids will say things to him.

    He had to write a poem over the weekend. "I am about..."
    He spent a lot of time and thought on this. Then he asked me to read it. It almost made me cry. It was so beautiful. How he found the words for what he wrote is beyond me. Several things in his poem are about things we do. I had no idea those things made that big of an impact on his life. I guess we are creating memories.

    One thing inparticular he wrote about was school. That was one of the verses. The end of that verse was about tears running down his face and his brother leaving him.(when he went to college difficult child was 6) I remember him crying when he hugged easy child good bye. I didn't know how much that was thought about. It was a beautiful poem.

    I hold my breath he has a good day today and does his work, and follows the rules. School gets out at 3:53 and he must be at the baseball field at 4:15 for a double header. I don't like those days. We won't get home until after 10pm.

    I will see what the outcome of the meeting will be. Frankly I don't know what to say. He refuses to use the accomadations we put into place. That is his choice, and he will be responsible for the work.
     
  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Is it possible school is a negative since his older brother left him to go to school?
     
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