week with the kids

[Dixies_fire]

Tk and boyo were here this week from their dad's.

I had an appointment that boyo had to attend and I also managed to trade five gallons of laundry soap for pictures so I wanted the whole family here.

They were much better behaved then usual. Usual being screaming at each other from sun up to sun down. Tk being the aggressor boyo taking his que and being as mean as he could be. No real difficult child behavior. The stuff I have identified in my mind as Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) behaviors still there but not riding heard. Textural issues, incredibly literal having to have turns of phrase explained to her. I verified with her that she wants to stay at dad's but wants the reassurance she can come home when she wants to.

Hubs had a rough patch two days ago. I don't really know if I'm being unreasonable or not. I just feel alone. One of the things about schizophrenia is looking out for isolating behavior . He's been falling asleep on the couch a lot lately and I wasn't exactly nice about it. It escalated from sleeping on the couch to everything me ending the night feeling like I just want to leave.

He has also made a friend in his unit that we spent the 4th with and I think that's great but (and isn't there always one) he's played merry hell with my plans all week long, he decides he's going to go fishing, wanting to go over play Xbox no warning. When he goes fishing with this guy he's been going to bed at 8pm and going fishing at 4am till about 11am effectively taking one off day out of two for the last month. I didn't really have an issue with any of it till this weekend when he went fishing on the 4th came home and said we were going to eat with people I had never met before. Then on the 5th in the middle of the day said he was gonna go over there even though we had plans. He ended up not going because I had a fit.

I guess what I'm upset about is feeling alone, not feeling loved, feeling like his parent I already have to remind set alarms and nag about everything he has to do, him running off to play boy games just really touching off the whole feeling like his parent.
We aren't having adult relations very often which is really different for us and half the time when we have them I end up feeling used.

Still no word from the army about what our time line looks like. We finally got some bills caught up but there was no money to put away. The 1500 letter veteran bonus from his home state says we are missing documentation which is another thing I can't do for him he has to call them and find out what's going on which will be another battle of wills. Truck still hasn't sold. He's been talking about taking it with us to Oklahoma to sell there. We can not afford The gas to get that beast from point a to point b.

For the most part it hasn't been all bad I mean we are living.
I'm glad I got to see the kids I was really missing them. It seems like john's anxiety gets worse when they are here but he tries and mostly succeeds in connecting with them and doing fun things.

I've felt like hell for most of the past week but I'm kicking.

 

[Hound dog]

(((hugs)))

Living with schizo symptoms is often really really tough. I'm not sure I could handle it with a spouse, awful as I realize that is to say. I can be difficult enough dealing with it with your parent......and I don't have to live with her and have had a lifetime to get used to her ways. My niece couldn't handle it in a spouse. Her husband was diagnosed right after coming home from the Gulf War......she tried to stick it out.......but he was just a mess and not very eager to become medication compliant. He is a nice guy, loves his kids.......but holding it together is hard for him.......staying on medications is hard for him. Not uncommon with schizos.

Is there no one there you could have a girl's afternoon out with?? Sounds like you could really use one.

(((hugs)))

 

[Dixies_fire]

Not really I'm friends with one of Tk's friends mom but not really close and her husband also just got home from deployment so they are most of the time occupied.
Hubs is medication compliant as long as he remembers to take his night time medications which in my opinion are the only ones that really work the abilify doesn't work. His night medications keep him very close to stable, he doesn't like them because he has to take them at 6pm so he can wake up at 6am or earlier. The doctor he is seeing wants him to stick it out a bit longer with abilify. There are 4 or 5 of the atypical antipsychotics he could try that he hasn't tried yet.

I told him I thought he brought this on himself because when I was in Campbell and he was here he would drink and drink and drink and he stopped leveled out then started again a few weeks before Gavin was born and it was horrible, horrific is the word. He is 100% better than those days which is the only reason I keep going is because he's making the effort but it is still really hard at times.

So tk and boyo are supposed to be getting picked up tomorrow and suddenly ex's phone says its been shut off. He also has not supplied the address that I have requested a few times, we meet in the middle and have been on really good terms until recently and we haven't argued or anything just not really talking like we usually do. Anyway tk also told me today that her dad won't let her wear her two piece bathing suit which is a tankini and doesn't show anything besides the fact that tk has nothing as of yet to show. Does this seem weird to you guys?

I face booked him and told him until I hear from him consider our meet up plans off because I have no way to contact her once he is there.

He also several weeks ago was trying to get me to give him a letter showing he had "custody" of her for food stamps which really shouldn't be necessary because our divorce decree states we have joint. I never gave it to him. And if he ever really did need anything it would not say anything other then he has temporary custody that expires within a year but I didn't even do that.

He's generally a pretty decent guy but I have red flags going off in my head

 

[Hound dog]

A dad objecting over the swim suit is fairly normal.......the daddy protective thing. He's having to face the fact that she is growing up and it is rather unsettling.

He should be able to take in the divorce decree if he has joint custody and that should be enough, although he might require a letter stating she is going to be staying with him until further notice or until such and such a date from you. Welfare may also be wanting to know why, if she is in his custody, he is not getting child support from you. (joint custody explains that to them)

 

[Dixies_fire]

Also I talked to ex this evening finally he had to wait till he got off work to pay his bill and its back on again.

We had words over the clothes he has bought so far for her he packed three of them and they were all black, black and white black and pink but mostly black. I told him point blank period trying to turn our pink princess into a goth at age 8 was not acceptable and she also has trouble making friends making people think she is weird or a rebel is not okay at all because she has a hard enough time, as is.

We also talked about her bathing suit which is only really a two piece technically not in any true since of the word, it shows her belly button and that is about it, truly she couldn't get more
Covered if she was wearing shorts and a shirt to swim in. He admitted he was being a little over board on both counts and would take clothes colors into consideration. He also mentioned wanting to stear her away from all the pink because she is getting older but if left to her own devices would dress in pink frilly smaller kid clothes every day. I told him that was fine but no more exclusive black items.

And as for hubs and fishing. I'm cool with it as long as I know about it before hand we haven't made plans and that is really where he is going. I worry about him sneaking off to drink that hasn't happened yet but I absolutely can not be around him if he starts drinking again and also because of my previous marriage I need complete transparency in our marriage. I don't honestly think I would survive being cheated on again not in any healthy way anyway, I'd keep breathing for my children but that is about the extent I could promise. Not that it even slightly has come up again it hasn't, but I am not the same "talk to whoever whenever you want and I will mind my business" kind of wife that I was.

But he is my only adult interaction just like you. And half the time at least about decisions made around here he isn't an adult, so it does get lonely. I am a holiday nazi partly because I was raised with big holidays partly because ex and I never celebrated any holidays very much except Christmas and Halloween, we never had any fun and I want that in my life and the kids lives they deserve that it's not really up for discussion. I also feel and maybe I am wrong for this or maybe it's too much pressure or whatever when we promise my children things we deliver together, he isn't allowed to just be my husband and not be their step dad or only be mr.lewis's dad we are a package deal. He should be allowed friends and to get away from the house and kids, ideally I should too and he used to stay home with the kids and let me go out with my girlfriends from work I just don't have friends here. Not eager to make any as we could leave any day.

So I guess everything is okay, and I will be dropping the kids off tomorrow.
Boyo will be coming back at the end of the month but tk will be staying unless I push together another visit before school starts on August 9th. My heart is breaking a little bit. Maybe a lot.