Weighing on my shoulders, just need to share.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Shari, Sep 28, 2009.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Friday, while in Tulsa with wee difficult child's testing, difficult child 1's wife (daughter in law) called. She was crying and very upset.

    They have had problems with DEX's girlfriend for some time. Since the girlfriend came into the picture and found out difficult child 1 and daughter in law were expecting, she has absolutely bothered them to no end. They got their numbers changed, got rid of their house phone, etc. Now the girlfriend has found them on facebook.

    DEX is absolutely absent. He lives 2 miles from my house and only sees wee difficult child if we run into DEX in town. difficult child 1 was back last summer on leave and ran into DEX in grandma's driveway and DEX stopped long enough to say "If you wanna go drive around drinking with us later, call me." but he didn't have time to stop and see his son. difficult child 1 was in for over 14 days. That's the only time difficult child 1 has seen or spoken to DEX in 2 and a half years.

    This summer, daughter in law and the grandbaby were here passing thru on their way to see family on the east coast. They stopped in for a couple of hours to meet great grandmas, etc, and daughter in law specifically asked not to let girlfriend know. DEX was at work, so he wouldn't have come, anyway.

    Anyway, back to Friday, girlfriend caught daughter in law on Facebook and instant messaged her. girlfriend swears DEX has changed and absolutely raked daughter in law across the coals for not giving DEX a second chance, and fr not letting "them" know she was in town with the baby. daughter in law told girlfriend that it was SHE that wanted to see wee difficult child and the grandbaby, not DEX, and that she needed to butt out of their lives, they had made a decision as parents that they didn't want DEX involved because of his inability to be a consistent and stable person in anyone's life, they don't need that in their life, and they don't want grandbaby growing up feeling that pain. (I was proud of daughter in law standing up to her).

    girlfriend went off. Told daughter in law that DEX tries to see wee difficult child and I won't allow it and several other things about me and my boys that are absolutely not true. daughter in law knows this, but she was really upset.

    girlfriend then went and called exMIL and told how her rude daughter in law had been and how DEX has "rights" and no one will give him a chance.

    She didn't tell exMIL about the things she said about me.

    Saturday night, we went to exBIL's birthday party and DEX and girlfriend were there. It took all I had to keep my mouth shut, particularly when she told wee difficult child to do something I had just told him not to do. Thankfully, they were too busy to stay more than 30 minutes or so. Otherwise, I would have left. But she made sure to make DEX do all the appropriate dad-ish things before he left.

    And all day yesterday she made jabs at daughter in law on Facebook. It makes me very angry.

    Anyway...this is not my battle, for the most part, except that I am very concerned that she will continue to wiggle and worm her way into wee difficult child's life. Its inevitable that he will have to come to terms with an absent father at some point, but all she's done so far is point out how absent he is.

    And to top that off, she's been sleeping with another man for the past 5 months. DEX is such a great changed man that she's been telling his parents for 6 or 7 months that she's kicking him out, she wouldn't let him put his name on the house she is trying to buy, and for the past 4 and a half months, she's had a "spare" on the side, ready to move in.

    And how do I know this? The "other man" is husband's cousin... and of course, we're not supposed to know about their little affair. Beleive me, I wish I didn't.
     
  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    oh, that is just ugly. The more you write about the girlfriend, the more she kinda creeps me out.

    Hope it calms down some. I was thinking it would be better if she broke up wit dex, but then if she left him for your husband's cousin, I don't know if that sounds any better.
     
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    She'd at least leave my kids alone, and husband's extended family doesn't get together, so I'd never have to deal with her much...
     
  4. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I would talk to daughter in law about getting a restraining order out on this woman on behalf of the baby. Even if DEX was consistant, involved, blah blah blah....SHE has no rights to be involved unless DEX allowed her and even then, she's not married to him so isn't a legal member of the family. Know what I mean??

    Although she probably doesn't have good reason to get a restraining order, maybe daughter in law could still lodge a complaint of harrassment with the police. At the very least, someone may go talk to her and tell her to back off.

    I think you did good at the family event but at the same time, I think I would still talk to DEX and tell him to leash his girlfriend. The woman is off her rocker.

    Kudos to daughter in law for standing up to this nut job!
     
  5. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Oh and as for nut job telling wee difficult child to do things when his parents are there? Nope. Wouldn't happen. YOU are the parent, DEX is the parent.....NOT her. Again..she's not married into the family and even if she was, you do NOT stand there and tell a kid to do something that someone else just said not to, no matter who you are or who said it. (Not under normal circumstances that is...LOL I could see if you had told him to run around with lit fire crackers under his arms but I highly doubt you would do that. ;) )
     
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    What a mess. A restraining order might be something to look into. Don't know if it would do any good, since she sounds like she's way over the top. Hugs to you. Hope the testing went well.
     
  7. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Facebook has a block feature - girlfriend wouldn't be able to see anything about daughter in law. You can block people that aren't friends...if I were you, I'd block her, too.

    This woman is nuts. She has no legal standing. I would have gone off on her over the stunt with wee difficult child, but I tend to be confrontational. heh. As far as the rest of it, ignore it. Consider the source. Don't play her game.
     
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    You know - I think I would encourage this NEW relationship all I could with the cousin - whatever it took to make sure she leaves MY family alone. WHAT a whack job.

    Why she persists in doing what she's doing I can only belive has something to do with your X telling HER that YOU were wonderful and this is HER way of making sure YOU are miserable. Know what I mean?? He's had to have said something along the way that made her thing "I'll show you she's not so fantastic."

    She's koo-koo a roo roo. :faint:

    Too bad she's not bothering me - lol ;)
     
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I encouraged daughter in law to block them. I have my account set to block them. daughter in law said she was going to. I hope she does. She tries to do the right thing, tho. Its hard to have to do things like that.

    Beleive me, I told cousin I hope and pray she leaves DEX for him, strictly from the selfish standpoint of it makes my life easier...even tho I think she'd be awful for him...he's a big boy. And he's playing with fire, anyway, let her burn him...leave the kids alone!
     
  10. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Oh, and no lit firecrackers, but thanks for the idea~! j/k
     
  11. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    So she says DEX has rights? What? Sure he has rights - she doesn't.

    TRUST ME ON THIS - I KNOW.

    As far as that goes - if difficult child 1 doesn't want DEX to have anything to do with his child - difficult child 1 is an adult!

    You can protect wee difficult child from CGF. Probably DEX too, but it sounds like she is the problem here.

    Sigh. Good luck and LOTS of HUGE HUGE HUGS!!!
     
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I realize this is probably not the "right" thing to do, but I would set about finding ways to specifically make her miserable. A free email acct under a diff name and then facebook criticism and comments about "crazy girlfriend" and all her mental problems.

    Then I would find ways to make her miserable in real life.

    I would also post no trespassing on my yard, difficult child 1'd yard, and any other property I could think of. Host the gatherings at YOUR house so she CANNOT come. Tell all that she is unwelcome because wee difficult child is afraid of her (or whatever excuse you have).

    If you have any ways to increase the child support paid, tell DEX that unless he keeps her away from difficult child you will get the support order increased. Or threaten to make him pay all of the testing costs!

    There are a LOT of ways you can bother her. Heck, go to HER church and quietly point her out and ask if she ever got her "problem", the one from the last boyfriend, treated?

    Don't say what the problem is. Let them wonder. This is best done at a church social or picnic or atrefreshments before or after church.

    I am quite SURE Star can help with ideas!
     
  13. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I like the way you think. I don't normally like to play that way, but not sure there's much option with someone like this.
     
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