Welcome April!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by april727, Jul 14, 2010.

  1. april727

    april727 Guest

    Hi April! I moved your post to your own thread - welcome to the crowd!



    Wow. I feel your pain. I just came across this website through searching for support for my child.

    Six weeks ago my husband and I agreed to allow my cousin's daughter, D1 (3.5 year old) live with us and my son, S1 (5 year old). D1's mom is an alchoholic and drug addict. There was lots of violence, alcoholism, abuse and drama in their house. CPS got involved and took D1 from her mom and dad. My husband and I were given 1 week +/- to decide if we were going to let D1 live with us. There was no one else in our extended family that "qualified" by CPS standards to take her in.

    We prayed and thought about it and agreed. She has so many behavioral issues that I don't know what to do about. S1 never acted this way. He's been a good-tempered child since birth. D1 will hit herself, scratch herself in the face, bite herself, etc. when she is being corrected. She will throw fits lasting hours at a time. She will scream and yell and throw things. She does not seem to know how to self-soothe at all. She is very strong willed and refuses to give in.

    She is mean to my husband, mean to S1, uses foul language at school. Is very manipulative and deceiptful. I don't see how she has learned all this at such an early age. It is truly disturbing.

    I feel like I'm in a boxing ring with her constantly. I win some, I lose some. All I know is I am exhausted and looking for some support. Some understanding. Somehow it is helpful to know that there is another person in this world who knows the powerlessness you feel when all this is going on.

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    Lasted edited by : Jul 14, 2010
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Oh April - you've found the right place. There are a lot of people here who've gone through what you're going through right now.

    I would suggest you pick up the book by Ross Greene called "The Explosive Child". There's a link off the site to order it. There's also a thread that helps you adapt it to smaller kids.

    You cousin's daughter has truly been through a lot. Unfortunately, she's seen so much that she's probably set up her defenses. Abuse cuts deep (verbal, emotional and physical) and it doesn't take a lot of exposure to make it stick. I didn't catch it fast enough with difficult child 1 and we've really been through the mill!

    You might want to check and see if there are behavioral therapists available for such a little one. She'll really need some testing to see if there are developmental issues at all.

    You really are fantastic people for stepping up for this little one. It's so important for them to be able to trust someone out in the big ol' world!

    Has anyone checked to see if the mom was drinking or doing drugs while she was pregnant? Fetal Alcohol Syndrome as well as drug exposure opens up a host of issues that may be worked with if caught very early. It would really help her if you're able to get a hand on her medical records.

    Again, Welcome to the crowd. It's a great group of people who've (collectively) seen it all. After a while, I found that they understood me as well as my 3 difficult child's better than my family and friends. I guess that's why many call the people here their "cyber families"!

    Last edited: Jul 14, 2010
  3. joneshockey

    joneshockey Guest

    April ~
    Welcome! You will absolutely LOVE the group of people that come to this website! I only joined 1 1/2 weeks ago and I find myself visiting several times a day. It is amazing how everyone here actually "gets" what we are going through, where family and friends struggle with understanding what it is actually like to live day to day with a child that has special needs. You will easily be able to find the support you need right here. You are truely a saint for taking in D1 and things will get better. I agree with nvts, get her in asap to get evaluated and try to locate a therapist near you. The therapist that we work with is WONDERFUL and I feel that going to see him helps me probably more that it helps B2 right now, since he only is 3 1/2. He talks with me about 1/2 the time and then does play therapy with B2 the rest of the time. A therapist will be able to give you ideas to help manage her behavior until you are able to get in for a full evaluation.
    Hang in there - Things will get better!