Welcome Frazzled Me

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Jul 16, 2010.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I've pasted your post from Batmans post here so others can see it and welcome you. :)

    Hello. I found this site while researching behavioral problems with my 5 year old daughter. She seems to fit most if not all of the "symptoms" of ODD. She has always been strong willed and defiant. For the past 7-8 months she has became increasingly aggressive. She seems to confine it to mostly our family, with only an occasional small problem with friends/peers. She is particularly more violent to me and one of her older brothers. She has aggressive outbursts several times a day at this point, yelling and screaming, hitting, and now spitting at people.

    Example: This morning her brother, Jack 7, disagreed with her. She wanted him to play a game with her, he declined. She began to yell at him, YES, NOW. When he refused she continued to yell at him, calling him mean and such and kicked him (I had been dressing in my room) When I heard the commotion I informed her that speaking that way and hitting is not allowed and that she must go to her room and stay there quietly. She then yelled at me "i wasn't talking to you, mean mommy" I then told her to stop talking that way right now and stay in her room quietly. that her "away" time would now be longer and she would have several toys taken away for the day. Her response was "no you will not and I will not stay in my room."
    Her response for why she hits/kicks is always "well he/she did this/that to me." She does know and understand that hitting/kicking is wrong and is not acceptable behavior. But she continues to do it anyway. She is always easily annoyed and gets angry very very quickly when anyone does not agree with her or do what she wants.
    Typically, I try to use "away" time in her room as discipline because she will scream and cry very loudly for long periods of time when disciplined in any way. My house is a war zone, my family in turmoil because of the stress of her behavior.
    She has hit me, kicked me, spit at me, screamed and cried for hours at time when disciplined for out of line/aggressive behavior. We have tried so many things. We take away privileges, toys, activities. We explain to her the rules/boundaries and the consequences of her behavior when she is calm. Nothing seems to help/work. She tells me things like "you worry about yourself, not me" when I ask her to do something and also, "You are not my boss, if you don't have a boss, then I don't have one either." She almost always says sorry (unprompted) once she has calmed down. But she has lost all concept of authority and respect.

    I have talked to her multiple times about ways to calm herself when she is feeling angry. I have showed her ways to calm herself/replace her bad behavior with other things until she calms down. But it doesn't seem to be working and I feel like I can't take much more going on this way. She has always been otherwise very loving and sweet. She does well at school. (She has been out for the summer, so we'll see if that continues this fall)

    My husband thinks this is a phase and that she will grow out of it eventually. I am worried that is more serious than that, what should I do?

    *I am planning to check out The Explosive Child. Sorry for the long post. ​

    Me: 30 passionate about my family and books. Trying to keep it all together.
    husband: 41 rough childhood, mother diagnosed schizophrenia, father abusive.
    difficult child: Olivia, 5yr old girl. former easy child. Possible ODD. Not diagnosed.
    easy child Jackson, 7yr boy. Stepson.
    easy child Will, 10yr boy. Stepson.
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Frazzled-Glad you found us; sorry you needed to. You will find much support here. If your mommy gut is telling you it is something more I would have it checked out. I would start with getting a multidisciplinary evaluation. Have her seen by a neuropsychologist, a child psychiatrist and a therapist.

    It sounds like you are dealing with a lot. I'm glad you are going to read The Explosive Child . It's a book that offers many good ideas for dealing with our kids.

    Again, Welcome!
  3. joneshockey

    joneshockey Guest

    I am so glad that you have joined this site! I want to tell you first hand that you are not alone in this battle of wills... I am going through many of the same issues with my 3 1/2 yr. old son, B2. I would reccomend that you get her into a therapist as soon as possible with a psycholgist. It would also probably be good to see her peditrician as well so that they can refer you to those in your area that work best with young children. Is her behavior also transfering over into school? My son acts like this at home & school, but not for his grandparents or daycare provider. He was recently diagnosed with ODD, ADHD and Mood Disorder not otherwise specified. Keep your chin up and know that you have now found a wonderful group that will support you!