Welcome new member Sam

[slsh]

Sam posted this over in WC - I wanted to make sure she (he? - sorry, not sure ) gets some feedback. Welcome, Sam! Glad you found us!

I am brand new to this site, and I apologize if I am not following the proper protocol or if I am posting in the wrong forum. If I am, please advise me how to proceed.

I am looking for some insights on how to advise my sister with her son, who we all believe has ODD. He's an exceptionally bright boy, but he is also exceptionally defiant and getting violent. Lately, he has had rage episodes every few weeks, severe enough that the police have been called on two occasions and he's been hospitalized.

The problem is, his mother -- my sister -- doesn't see the severity of his behavior. She makes excuses for it or pretends it's not as bad as it is. She is completely resistant to any suggestions from her family and friends. Meanwhile, she and her son are increasingly isolated (she's divorced), living under constant stress. She worries that she won't be able to keep her job, that managing her son's behavior will become a full-time job. Yet she won't accept help or advice.

I'm not a parent, so I'm in no position to tell my sister what to do. She loves her son and would do anything for him. But nothing is working. Any advice on how to help her would be much appreciated.

 

[Shari]

Hi, Sam. I hope you find us over here!

Has your nephew seen any doctors or anyone about his behavior? Would your sis be open to taking him to someone just to see what they say?

If sis is in denial about getting help, there's probably not a lot you can except be there to support them the best you can. However, upi can educate yourself, then if there's ever even the slightest little crack in the door into sis, you're already armed with some knowledge that could potentially help her, and maybe, just maybe, be able to convince her to seek additional help.

Hugs. It is SO hard to watch ones we love struggle with this.

 

[dizzymum]

Hello and welcome.

Firstly, well done for being so concerned for your nephew and sisters welfare that you are prepared to go all out to help.

Do you have any mutual friends that you both confide in? I ask because it was a chum of mine who finally said .... You are such a patient and caring mum, please give yourself a break, stop blaming yourself and consider that the problem might be with your daughter. She might just be wired differently, same as some people are born blind or with limbs missing.

She is my best friend. Coming from a family member, it might have been harder. It is difficult when you are so close to the situation.

I wish you luck. You really have come to a good place.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Well, perhaps inviting her to visit our little site here would be a good start. Sometimes we need to see life from a different perspective in order to focus in on our own.

It's wonderful that you are so concerned about your nephew. Perhaps you could buy her a copy of "The Explosive Child". Maybe she will crack it open and some sirens or bells will ring in her mind.

It's difficult to know how to help someone who is in denial. Kudos to you for being so caring and concerned.

And, welcome.

Sharon

 

[totoro]

Hi again!!! I just welcomed you over in the Watercooler!!! That is OK, now more will see you...
I agree with the others. I would take some time read up here. Ask lots of questions...
Welcome...

 

[trinityroyal]

Hello Sam,

I welcomed you in The Watercooler as well.

I agree with the advice you've been given so far. Take the time to read up, ask as many questions as you need to, even just vent.

I do have a few questions which might help us to better answer yours:
1) How old is your nephew?
2) Does he have a formal diagnosis (diagnosis...you'll get used to the abbreviations), or is your thought of ODD based on observations alone? Often ODD is a symptom of an underlying disorder. For example, my son, displays characteristic ODD behaviour, but it's a result of Aspergers.
3) Is your nephew on any medications that you know of? If so, do they seem to help him or make him worse?

Welcome aboard.
Trinity