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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 439030" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Welcome Oh Man. Sounds like you have your hands full.</p><p></p><p>I agree with JJJ's advice about the lying. My difficult child lies about everything also, for every reason under the sun. And if he does tell the truth, he often uses it as a tool to manipulate. No remorse, no guilt, no learning. It's impulsive.</p><p></p><p>The way I've dealt with it is to take difficult child's words out of the equation. If he tells my something, I assume it's a lie unless I can get independent verification that's not influenced by him. (In other words, I won't ask his Nana or sister, since he could have told him the same lie. I have to be able to verify it myself.) It makes things so much simpler, because I don't feel betrayed and hurt anymore, and I just deal with the behaviour and consequences.</p><p></p><p>difficult child sometimes gets angry and frustrated because I don't believe him and don't trust him, but I've explained that this is the reality he's created by being untruthful. </p><p></p><p>Asking your son for his side of the story just sets you up to be lied to and hurt. I know we want so badly to believe them that it's tempting to give them "just one more chance to tell the truth this time", but sometimes they're just not hard-wired that way.</p><p></p><p>Sending gentle hugs,</p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 439030, member: 3907"] Welcome Oh Man. Sounds like you have your hands full. I agree with JJJ's advice about the lying. My difficult child lies about everything also, for every reason under the sun. And if he does tell the truth, he often uses it as a tool to manipulate. No remorse, no guilt, no learning. It's impulsive. The way I've dealt with it is to take difficult child's words out of the equation. If he tells my something, I assume it's a lie unless I can get independent verification that's not influenced by him. (In other words, I won't ask his Nana or sister, since he could have told him the same lie. I have to be able to verify it myself.) It makes things so much simpler, because I don't feel betrayed and hurt anymore, and I just deal with the behaviour and consequences. difficult child sometimes gets angry and frustrated because I don't believe him and don't trust him, but I've explained that this is the reality he's created by being untruthful. Asking your son for his side of the story just sets you up to be lied to and hurt. I know we want so badly to believe them that it's tempting to give them "just one more chance to tell the truth this time", but sometimes they're just not hard-wired that way. Sending gentle hugs, Trinity [/QUOTE]
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