Skeemi, I've pasted your post into its own thread so it's sure to be seen and our members can welcome you and offer their advice: "Hello Everyone, I have been reading all of the posts and find myself in good company. Although my situation is not as severe as others that I have read, I can absolutely empathize with how each of you have felt at one point or another. I have a 4 yr old daughter who was diagnosted with PTSD and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) last October 2007 and have been in therapy since then. It has been, to say the least, an intense emotional rollercoaster ride. Funny though, my daughter has always been well behaved, she just did not show any interest in me, nor did we have any bond since she was born. It wasn't until I sought treatment that the real "excitement" began. It was not easy for me to get pregnant and after a cycle of invitro she was conceived. My pregnacy was a dream until the seventh month when I was diagnosed with Cholestasis of the Pregnancy which was the heightening of bilirubin levels in the system that make you itch like crazy 24 hours a day. Because of this I was put on medications and then told that I would have to be watched closely because many of these babies are stillborn. NOT WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR. Thankfully, she was born a bit premature, but fine. After she was born, she was not gaining weight consistantly, but losing ounces daily. She was at the dr every other day to get weighed and finally they had decided that she was failing to thrive even though her appetite was more than healthy. They found at 3 weeks that she had a kidney problem and started a series of tests to see how severe it was. One test in particular was one where they would catheterize her to inject solution which was done strapped down and no sedation. Not pleasant. This is where I think my journey began. I think that I held her 24 hours a day since the day she came home and probably almost invaded her space more that I should have because I was so happy to have had her. But she was a little strange. I had read a lot about how babies stare into your eyes during feedings and how they react to your voice and she did none of that. She would just stare blankly. The older she got the more she pushed me away. At every mommy and me class we went to, she was the only child who would find another lap to sit in, she never wanted to be with me. When she began to walk and we would go to the supermarket, she would go over to another woman and grab her hand and say, bye mommy!!! This was extremely heartbreaking. I loved her so much that I began to dislike her for rejecting me and then felt riddled with guilt because of even thinking it. I was jealous of everyone and everything she gave attention to. She began to act out a little bit but just with me. She was great with everyone else. She would fight with me for everything and every time I touched her she would scream in pain like I was killing her. This was not normal. I couldn't hug her or kiss her, at times even look at her because it would set her off. I never heard the words I love you come from her mouth in those days. I began searching for an answer to why she was like that. Therapists said that it was just her personality and to accept her the way she is. That was not good enough for me until I found an article online about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and then and found myself a wonderful attachment therapist. Since then we have made little progress but now she is at least a bit affectionate and I get an I love you everyday. Whether she means it or not remains to be seen but in my mind I want to believe her. We have had many many horrific moments with her and some really good ones too. But our work has just begun and I would love to hear from someone who has a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) child so that I can hear what techniques work or don't work for them. Thanks for listening."