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Welcome to my pity party.
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 503358" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>(((((hugs))))) I also think a day or three of pity party are not a bad thing for you. But then you have to figure out how to handle this. in my opinion something is going on with easy child. If she hasn't been tested for LDs or other problems, that might be a good idea. Also doing whatever is possible to help with organization, including having her do the Turn In folder thing AND some ocnsequence for not turning it all in. </p><p></p><p>difficult child 2 clearly needs help. Bullying is EVIL and WRONG and his coach is supposed to stop it not join in. I would NOT let that one go as this is a school sponsored thing and he is getting PAID to do this. Do you really want YOUR taxes and activity fees to go to PAY someone to bully your child? Cause that is what happens when a school employee bullies a child. I would even phrase it that way to the activity director and if your previous efforts have not taken care of the issue TOTALLY then I would go see the school superintendent. I would NOT mess with the principal or activity director again because they already know and either haven't done anything or haven't done enough. Bullying can VERY MUCH be part of his grade problems. The anxiety that results can ruin everything else, including how well your medications are working. At 15 there needs to be something that you can use as a carrot to help with turning things in. </p><p></p><p>As for 17yo difficult child? Cut off the money tap. Seriously, he is REFUSING to get a job OR to do a good job and his ONLY responsibility (school) because he wants to play video games and lacrosse? Well, sorry Charlie that is about the BIGGEST pile of BS I have EVER heard of. Who does he think he is and what RIGHT does he think he has to be a slacker with YOUR MONEY???? You and husband need to come up with some boundaries, responsibilities and privileges. Not meeting the responsibiliites and sticking to the boundaries will mean that his life seriously hoovers, like no tv/video games/lacrosse/time with friends/money for ANYTHNG, packed lunches of PBJ sandwiches and a thermos good ole H2O for a drink and not much else and the thermos better come home or he ponies up the $$ for a new one EVERY TIME. </p><p></p><p>What have you really expected of him up to now? He has had his fun paid for by you, has had you double check his school stuff, has wanted for NOTHING including luxuries, and he has NO intention of NOT living this way the rest of his life. Or at least until he is 25 or 30. Read Parenting Your Teen with Love and Logic, then start holding him accountable and making him be a responsible person if he wants his fun. As he has flunked a class, he may not be able to play lacrosse. Did you have an agreement, or is there a school or assn rule about eligibility? My folks would have sold my gear for what your son did. I wasn't expected to make all A's (and I could have but it was boring and I had things to do) but I did makes A's and B's except for VERY select classes (GYM) where it was common knowledge that there was no way on this Earth that I could do that stuff. But even in gym I had to WORK HARD. My folks would NOT have let me have car keys, nights out iwth my friends, or much of ANYTHING else if I flunked a class and had C's and D's. Just would have been a nightmare for me. </p><p></p><p>As for boring? Is he SERIOUS???? How many times have you watched some game, performance etc... and been bored out of you MIND but you stayed and watched anyway because HE was in said whatever?? How many BORING hours have you spent doing his laundry, cooking his food, washing his dishes, cleaning the house he lives in, waiting in lines to get something he just couldn't live without? How about all those HOURS you spent cleaning off his tush and then applying another diaper to it? Were those EXCITING? The most riveting thng that ever happened? OF COURSE NOT! But you did them anyway because it was your job to do them. Yes, you loved him then and love him now and wanted and watn the best for him, but you were STILL BORED when you did those things. </p><p></p><p>What about husband? Is husband's job a thrill a minute or is it like most job, fairly interesting, something he is good and often, wait for it ....BORING because there can only be so many new ways to do something? But husband has held a job that had a substantially large amt of BORING day after day, week after week, so that difficult child 1 could have a good life. </p><p></p><p>Time to tell difficult child 1 to grow up. And time to insist it happen by not providing all the stuff he wants. Make him earn them. I think he should be forced to have a job. A LOT of people do far better when they are busy and don't have a lot of down time. They must schedule things, and learn to stick with it, and put in more effort, but they also accomplish more and get more out of life. </p><p></p><p>You are a great mom. Honestly, the fact that you haven't lost your own mind as you worked to get the help they and husband needed should be a HUGE source of pride in your parenting. I know their are days when my biggest source of parental pride is that I haven't eaten my young. NO ONE can upset you more than your kids.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 503358, member: 1233"] (((((hugs))))) I also think a day or three of pity party are not a bad thing for you. But then you have to figure out how to handle this. in my opinion something is going on with easy child. If she hasn't been tested for LDs or other problems, that might be a good idea. Also doing whatever is possible to help with organization, including having her do the Turn In folder thing AND some ocnsequence for not turning it all in. difficult child 2 clearly needs help. Bullying is EVIL and WRONG and his coach is supposed to stop it not join in. I would NOT let that one go as this is a school sponsored thing and he is getting PAID to do this. Do you really want YOUR taxes and activity fees to go to PAY someone to bully your child? Cause that is what happens when a school employee bullies a child. I would even phrase it that way to the activity director and if your previous efforts have not taken care of the issue TOTALLY then I would go see the school superintendent. I would NOT mess with the principal or activity director again because they already know and either haven't done anything or haven't done enough. Bullying can VERY MUCH be part of his grade problems. The anxiety that results can ruin everything else, including how well your medications are working. At 15 there needs to be something that you can use as a carrot to help with turning things in. As for 17yo difficult child? Cut off the money tap. Seriously, he is REFUSING to get a job OR to do a good job and his ONLY responsibility (school) because he wants to play video games and lacrosse? Well, sorry Charlie that is about the BIGGEST pile of BS I have EVER heard of. Who does he think he is and what RIGHT does he think he has to be a slacker with YOUR MONEY???? You and husband need to come up with some boundaries, responsibilities and privileges. Not meeting the responsibiliites and sticking to the boundaries will mean that his life seriously hoovers, like no tv/video games/lacrosse/time with friends/money for ANYTHNG, packed lunches of PBJ sandwiches and a thermos good ole H2O for a drink and not much else and the thermos better come home or he ponies up the $$ for a new one EVERY TIME. What have you really expected of him up to now? He has had his fun paid for by you, has had you double check his school stuff, has wanted for NOTHING including luxuries, and he has NO intention of NOT living this way the rest of his life. Or at least until he is 25 or 30. Read Parenting Your Teen with Love and Logic, then start holding him accountable and making him be a responsible person if he wants his fun. As he has flunked a class, he may not be able to play lacrosse. Did you have an agreement, or is there a school or assn rule about eligibility? My folks would have sold my gear for what your son did. I wasn't expected to make all A's (and I could have but it was boring and I had things to do) but I did makes A's and B's except for VERY select classes (GYM) where it was common knowledge that there was no way on this Earth that I could do that stuff. But even in gym I had to WORK HARD. My folks would NOT have let me have car keys, nights out iwth my friends, or much of ANYTHING else if I flunked a class and had C's and D's. Just would have been a nightmare for me. As for boring? Is he SERIOUS???? How many times have you watched some game, performance etc... and been bored out of you MIND but you stayed and watched anyway because HE was in said whatever?? How many BORING hours have you spent doing his laundry, cooking his food, washing his dishes, cleaning the house he lives in, waiting in lines to get something he just couldn't live without? How about all those HOURS you spent cleaning off his tush and then applying another diaper to it? Were those EXCITING? The most riveting thng that ever happened? OF COURSE NOT! But you did them anyway because it was your job to do them. Yes, you loved him then and love him now and wanted and watn the best for him, but you were STILL BORED when you did those things. What about husband? Is husband's job a thrill a minute or is it like most job, fairly interesting, something he is good and often, wait for it ....BORING because there can only be so many new ways to do something? But husband has held a job that had a substantially large amt of BORING day after day, week after week, so that difficult child 1 could have a good life. Time to tell difficult child 1 to grow up. And time to insist it happen by not providing all the stuff he wants. Make him earn them. I think he should be forced to have a job. A LOT of people do far better when they are busy and don't have a lot of down time. They must schedule things, and learn to stick with it, and put in more effort, but they also accomplish more and get more out of life. You are a great mom. Honestly, the fact that you haven't lost your own mind as you worked to get the help they and husband needed should be a HUGE source of pride in your parenting. I know their are days when my biggest source of parental pride is that I haven't eaten my young. NO ONE can upset you more than your kids. [/QUOTE]
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