Well behaved at home..Defiant at school

[KatieMack]

I am new to this support group and have enjoyed reading the topics and threads..
I have a delema that I am in deseprate need of help on..we have a wonderful, bright, happy, (adopted at age 2) 7 year old son..he is a joy to be around at home, always eager to help out, do his chores, eat his veggies, do homework, clean his room take baths using REAL SOAP AND WATER...and even brush his teeth!
But...at school..out of our controlled enviroment (we have an adopted 28 year old aspergers child, so routine is our way of life) he is defiant, mouthy, rude..refusses to obey..throws things..has temper tantrums..mocks the teacher..bullies other kids...has no friends..and spends most of the school day in time out or tears.
He has been tested by the school system and does not meet the requirement for an IEP..(Tests high-Average IQ)
getting into to see the psychiatric is going to take several months.and getting a diagnosis will take even longer,.how can we help our child to cope with school in the meantime??
Thank you in advance
Katie Mack

 

[Allan-Matlem]

Hi,

Lots of challenging kids usually can muster up effort to hold things together at school only to come home to explode where they feel safe. It seems you have provided a home environment responsive to his needs . Even if a child does not have a diagnoses or an IEP , it does not mean that there are no problems or the way to deal with problems is with reward and punishment.

I recommend the book by Ross Greene ' Lost at school

The way to go is fill out a check list of lacking skills and unsolved problems that your child is having at school - see the ALSUP assessed lacking skills and unsolved problems checklist at http://livesinthebalance.org or the TSI - thinking skills inventory at http://thinkkids.org - there are 2 CPS collaborative problem solving sites
Problem are solved by helping kids acquire skills in the context of their and teacher concerns.

Allan

 

[TeDo]

From the descriptions of behaviors at school you gave, your son should qualify for an IEP under the Emotional/Behavioral Disorders. That is a category that allows services based on emotional/behavior needs instead of physical or academic difficulties. I would specifically question the school district about that. If they didn't do any classroom, lunch, or recess observations, I would specifically request that they do that. Make sure the request is in writing and you either hand deliver it and have someone sign that they received it OR send it registered mail with "return receipt requested". I would not let the school off the hook that easily. Some sd's don't want to pay for the evaluations or they don't want to have to provide services that may cost them money. Keep after them. If you still have problems, contact an advocate to help you. Having one of those involved usually gets our difficult children the services they need. As for the psychiatrist, I would recommend you look around for one that has the soonest opening no matter how far you have to travel as soon as you can. In the meantime, keep very detailed notes about ALL phone calls, emails, and other communication to/from the school. Also write down ALL the specific behavioral situations they tell you about. The more detailed information about the behaviors you hear about, the quicker a psychiatrist can make a diagnosis. Keep after the school about EBD services, get an advocate, and GET A psychiatrist asap. Show the school you are working hard to get answers as soon as you can and also that you are going to fight for your son.

Since you already raised one Aspie, could your son also be an Aspie and you just don't see it because your home is already "set up" for that? Could it be another of the Autism Spectrum disorders that you don't see at home because you are conducive to them already?

Definitely get the book Lost at School as Allen suggested.