well G had a visit today

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by candiecotton, May 4, 2010.

  1. candiecotton

    candiecotton Guest

    she was an absolute horror. she started from the minute she walked in the door. She wanted popcorn of course there was none left so she went on a tirade . hubby had S&C with him & she acted all worried about them & offered to go get them from school then said but wait im not allowed to be alone with them . i was sitting on my hands so i wouldn't smack her .
    then she started on her brother . he was helping me clean her room because it was up to your neck ( took a garbage bag of **** out from under her bed alone) & she was saying things to get him mad but he was good he didnt retaliate & i told him shes just trying to P*** him off & not to feed into it .
    so supper was ok she of course didnt like what i cooked & that was a screaming fest but she did eat it when she heard me tell C that this is supper not a restaurant. thenshe ate 2 bowls.
    then getting ready for CLB ( it stands for church lads brigade its like cadets ) & that started her off they all had tickets to sell to help fund their activities last year i sold them all & even more but this year she said she wanted to sell them herself & took them into the group home then of course she said that they didnt pay her for them . i dont believe her so tomorrow when s the head socal worker is in there im going to ask if she had the money & of course hat will start stuff too ( im trying really hard not to swear lol ) .
    shes decided that she will not spend any nights out here anymore till shes allowed to come home how nice that sets us back with her . they want an order for 4 more months & that will be the third order & that means if the children get taken again they will be gone till C is 16 & i knows they will do their best to take them . i want to change provinces because they cant follow you if you move ut of course hubby wont go . i want to start over somewhere where we are not being judged for everything we do . now when we go to school the worker who took them is there watching us when we go in in the morings . although they hve told us that he will not be our worker anymore . i think that he is not liking us because i am working 2 jobs so hubby was the one for most of the house work .
    the councelors tell us to mak the children more responsible for their chores but we dont have the luxury of waiting to do things because if we waited for the boys to bring down their laundry & it piled up we would get in trouble & the threat of the children going will be there . no one understands that we cant wait on things & think were anal for making sure tings are done .
    but im sorry to rant on but its good to get it out
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I get you on not having the time to wait - especially if you are working two jobs. No, this is a hubby responsibility, since he does have the time to do this. Get him to lurk here or post here, we can help him too.

    A suggestion - get the kids on board with one task at a time. Don't suddenly try to involve them with responsibility in every area, but work up to it. Once you have a task on board, keep it on board.

    Laundry is perhaps the first one to have them on board. The aim is for them to not only automatically put their dirty clothes in the wash, but occasionally to take a turn doing the laundry too. But to get there - when the washing machine is being loaded, send out the call. "Everyone - go get your washing NOW or it misses out.!"
    Make sure the "everyone" applies to parents too. Then as needed, especially with the younger ones, get them to stop what they are doing for five minutes (make it clear - this is only for five minutes then they can go back to what they were doing) and accompany them to their rooms to help them identify washing. DO NOT TAKE THE WASHING TO THE LAUNDRY FOR THEM - they must take it themselves, even if you're going there too. I have even had my kids as toddlers, staggering under a big armful of washing, tottering proudly to the laundry. If you have time, sort through pockets while the kids are there to show them how important this is. I keep a bucket in the laundry and all pocket contents go in the bucket. Money I find is mine. The kids learned to not leave money for me to confiscate.
    Clothing in the laundry gets pre-treated - that is the next step to teach the kids. The vinegar spray bottle is brilliant, it deals with the classic teen malodours as well as toddler accident smells. Simply spray, and leave it. If it needs more, then pre-soak in WARM (not hot) water. And always COLD wash, or you cook in the smells.

    Laundry is a good starting point. It takes an extra five minutes to round up the extra washing. And the kid who says, "I haven't got any washing," gets told to strip, because clearly he must be wearing his washing. "Grab the chance now, change your clothes."

    Another problem - difficult children with any level of Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) tend to not change their clothes, because they get used to the feel (and smell) of what they are wearing and don't like the change.

    The flip side of laundry - it has to come back from the laundry or the kids will learn to avoid sending stuff, especially their favourites. So when the washing machine is finished, IMMEDIATELY put the washing out on the line. And when you bring the washing in, fold it and sort it immediately. I never iron - if you hang the stuff right and fold immediately, it shouldn't need ironing.

    All this I learned when I was a busy working mother. I worked long hours, full time. I would wash at night, hang the washing out at night then when I got home next day I would get the washing in, sort it, fold it and put it away. I've seen laundries where there is a delay in getting the dry washing back to the owner - it piles up so fast, it tips over, gets crumpled, gets stepped on, gets dirty - then all that effort has been wasted. It is better to not wash, than to wash but not have time to put it away again.

    Our house is messy, untidy and cluttered. But the laundry side of things runs smoothly.

    Another tip from my eldest sister who had a lot of kids - she got rectangular plastic tubs in different colours, and also colour-coded the kids' clothing (a coloured dot inside the collar). When sorting the clean dry laundry she had the tubs set out in a row and folded each item and put it into the tub. Each kid then had to take their tub to their room and put their things away. Those tubs had to be empty before the next washing day. The reason for the firm rectangular tub - they are much easier to carry and to store (they would stack or nest, depending on which way round you had them) than the usual oval softer-sided washing basket, or even the classic cane basket.

    Another trick we got from the Sydney Olympics - each athlete got a fairly large delicates bag with a drawstring, their name attached. ALL their laundry went into the delicates bag and it all got washed in the bag, tumble-dried in the bag. They got their bag back with everything still inside. husband was a driver for one country, and the last thing he did was drive them to the airport. He was given one of these discarded bags and we now use it as our very large delicates bag. It's still in new condition. So if your kids are really difficult, try this trick. But you would need a clothes dryer, to get things dry while still in a delicates bag.

    It also helps to involve the kids in the family, you tell them what is happening on a broad scale and ask for their help. Ask them what they want and then what they are prepared to do to get what they want.

    And any kid who doesn't like what I cook and who complains loudly - that's OK, darling. YOU can do the catering next week. Of course we have a budget to stay within, nutritional standards to maintain and individual tastes to cater to. But obviously, pet, you have given this some serious thought and know exactly how you can teach me to do a better job. You do it for a week (this includes balancing the housekeeping budget for a week) and I will watch and learn...

    Or if they insist, get them to do it for one meal only. Same rules apply - you don't blow the entire week's meatloaf budget on one lobster mornay then let everyone go hungry the other six days.

    I was lucky - when one of my kids whinged, what she wanted was a roast dinner. It is so easy! So I taught her how to put on a roast dinner, and the other little steps.

    Another child loves fairy tales, so one day when we were on holidays and broke, I told her the story of Stone Soup and we fetched a white river pebble form the manicured garden of the place where we were staying. I put that in the pot and began to act out the story of Stone Soup, using the leftovers and scraps from other meals. I threw in the carcass from a barbecued chicken we'd bought a couple of days earlier that had been mostly picked clean. Then I had carrot peelings, the outer layers of an onion I'd peeled. A handful of salt. I put in stuff that otherwise would have been thrown away and told the story as I did so. At the end, we tasted the broth I'd made and my daughter was 'sold'. We had to bring the magic stone home and when she married and moved out, that stone went with her. Of course she knows the truth, but that lesson stayed in her mind.

  3. candiecotton

    candiecotton Guest

    theyre pretty good when i tell them S actually brought it down G was doing the laundry for a while when they were hiome hubby was telling me how she would do 2-3 loads before i got home ( this was in aug when i was in training for GE monday to friday oi work in human resources for GE i take care of insurance & medical benefits fri & sat night im a coat check girl in the local gaybar) he would tell how goos she was & he would let her go to the park to swim & i would get home & the 2-3 loads of laundry were the same ones i had put in after work the night before .
    I dont have a clothesline ( or yard ) so its in the dryer . i dry my sheets & towels inside on the rail . ( till a cat knocks them down)
    i do get on the children to help out S is great i dont even kno he is here he will put his dishes in the sink without being told & hes going to learn to do dishes . ive brought out the chore chart as well & they have to put their name when they do the chore . we were given a page of "standards" we have to live by& how the house has to be.
    S&C are home a week now so we are getting them into the routine of helping . thanks for your suggestions i might try the bin thing & i am constantly going through the clothes to get rid of whats too small