Well, he did it

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AmericanGirl, Sep 2, 2010.

  1. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Well he did it. awoke to find difficult child missing and a note about how I was 'clinically insane'. Went to pd, then to juvie at courthouse. Then to pd in the town where the girlfriend lives. They went to her house. She told them he was in a frat house at a nearby college.

    Took less than six hours. We poke to police personnel most all afternoon. It is, of course, all my fault because (1) I don't want him to be friends with truants and people on probation and (2) I won't let him go be 'happy'. He admitted no guilt at all in anything. They tried, but finally gave up as he wasn't listening.

    As soon as we got home, he started slamming doors and throwing things. I just took him back to the police station. Before we went in, he changed and said he would behave. And, for tonight, he did.

    He has been enrolled in classes starting Saturday after next. The program has a good rep. It comes with weekly individual counseling which I will set up tomorrow. He has an appointment with our youth counselor tomorrow.

    His car is gone. He already lost his cell phone. I will continue to lock up everything. He is to get up and ride the bus to school in the morning. Gonna be a long weekend around here....

    My plan is to take the money from the car and toss him into a wilderness/ boot camp program if this continues. Juvie is full so they won't take runaways. I have been fighting major health issues and I cannot continue to deal with this stress at this level without risking my life. I need a professional.

    It hurts so much to hear him talk about how he loves this girl he didn't know two months ago. That he is willing to give up EVERYTHING for her.

    His best friend, whom I thought was working to help him, lied to me this morning and said he didn't know where he was - difficult child had called him from the frat house four times. Class 3 felony which he is aware of. So, tomorrow, I'm calling his mom to explain how she can check his cell records and learn the truth.

    I don't trust any of them. Period.

    On a good note, it is amazing how many people come to your aid when something like this happens. I feel truly loved and blessed.

    Am praying someone can talk some sense into the boy...
     
  2. jaj6786

    jaj6786 Guest

    How old is he? I assume late teens, if he can get into a frat house party.

    If you can afford it, the boot camp idea is a good one. There are very expensive "therapeutic boarding schools" out west ($6K+ per month), but beneath the marketing veneer, they're just corrals for teen psychopaths (I know this from bitter experience with a teen family member difficult child). Their "graduates" recidivate nearly universally upon release, or learn how to more cleverly evade detection in their misbehaviors. If he's a high school grad or approaching graduation, I hate to tell you that by far the best bet is to give him the old but always effective ultimatum: a hitch in the military (navy these days, as we're fighting no wars on the water these days or in the projected future) or ejection from the house. It takes guts to do this, but it's the most certain path toward his reformation/maturity. Your description of his behavior indicates a great unlikelihood that he'll turn a new leaf via mere counseling or a school program, etc--it appears that he's just pacifying you with occasional & insincere good behavior in the face of being taken again to the PD, etc. None of it sounds sincere on his part, and the rest of the picture is pure CD (if you have to lock up everything, you're there), which will inevitably lead to early adult sociopathy if stern measures aren't taken now. Time to be tough and set aside ineffectual half-measures. Better a hitch in the navy now, with the maturation and discipline and college funds that'll derive from it, than a sentence behind bars in a few years.
     
  3. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    I think you need to be careful about not generalizing your experience with one difficult child (and your positive experience with your own kids) and apply to everyone on this board. Kids are different. Their problems are different. Sometimes there is a myriad of reasons they are behaving the way they are. There is a lot of experience on this board and a lot of good ideas but it is not a place to diagnose each others kids or judge or tell people the only solution based on your own experience.

    ODD is one diagnosis..... which several here have had experience with. It is not automatically CD nor does it automatically mean a kid is a sociopath. Yes it can move in that direction but it is not a given.

    I agree that insisting a kid (over 18) leave the home is often the best course of action it is not always the only course or even always the right course. And as a parent it is a process to get to the point of being willing to do that. I have done it and may do it again at some point. The thing is even when that is the right course of action it is also important if possible to keep communication lines open. As hard as it is there are some people who go through hell, put their parents through hell and eventually make it through the other side. To me tough love has two parts to it, being willing to stop enabling a kid but also bening willing to let them know you still love them. It can be a hard balance to find. And it is much easier to think about being tough on someone who is not your own kid.
     
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Jaj--

    I just wanted to add that the military is not eager to accept recruits with criminal records or mental illnesses....
     
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    No, the military isnt fond of felony records or mental illnesses. It isnt the old days where judges told young men they could choose the army or jail. I wish they would have offered that to mine, he would have picked the army in a flat second. He wanted to enlist but they wouldnt take him. We had to fight tooth and nail just to get the Marines to accept ADHD even after being medication free for 4 years.

    These days, military clearances are so tough that records really hurt. They even investigated us when my son had to get a secret service military clearance. TG his brother's problems didnt effect him.
     
  6. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    J. My husband did a hitch as a drill sgt. Trust me. The military does not want, not need to be, a gov't funded behavioral program for wayward youth. Their job is to take youth and mold them into soldiers and sailors.

    They don't need the hassle and disruption difficult children cause. Basically, they interfere with the mission at hand, which is training.
     
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