Well he is being squirelly....

[toughlovin]

i got a call from the tx center today... difficult child had called them yesterday and wanted to go in. The guy had called him the day before and originally my son hung up on him!! So I think my taking a stand yesterday made a difference. So they sent me the paperwork for payment of copays etc.

But they have not gotten a hold of my son today. I texted him twice and called him and have not heard back. And yet he is texting back and forth to his girlfriend. So something is up... and I suspect its not good. Probably his plans were not working out so well...... Anyway I am not signing anything until I know for sure he is going.

So waiting again.... wondering if he is just going to come back to town and expect us to help him???

TL

 

[Nancy]

I'm getting pretty angry at this girlfriend. She has to be the biggest idiot alive. I thought our pothead neighbor was interferring in our daughter's sobriety but this girlfriend is sabotaging any possibility that he will get help. What would happen if you just refused to help and told him to have his girlfriend pay for everything? If he goes into this program he's only doing it until his license comes through or until he can get enough money from you to pay his way back here to her.

Nancy

 

[Kathy813]

So waiting again.... wondering if he is just going to come back to town and expect us to help him???

I'm afraid that is a very good possibility.

 

[exhausted]

TL-I agree, sign nothing. Wait but live while you do. I would have to say something to girlfriend. Not to enable, but because I just have to speak my mind when I see wrong doing. What the heck is she doing? Please try to enjoy your daughter. Stay busy. It is getting close to the time you may have to pull the plug on everything. Hugs

 

[toughlovin]

I would love to run into the girlfriend so I could talk to her... if I call her she wont answer and if I text her she will text him. I have done this before and so i know it will not get me anywhere. Nancy i am pretty fed up with her too. She seems like a nice girl and I have always liked her.... not a big drug user i dont think. But she clearly has major issues of her own because there is no way a healthy young woman her age would keep being with him. What drives me nuts is that they are on again off again... she will break up with him when things get bad (can't blame her) and he will fall apart, get suicidal ro whatever, start to get better and then they pick up with each other again. I think while he is far away it is easy to romantisize the relationship and keep it going. I know if he comes back here and they are really together again that it wont be long before she breaks up with him again, he spirals further down wards and things just get worse.

I just wish wish wish she was healthy enough herself to be done with him once and for all. It would be better for both of them. She just keeps enabling him. What really ticks me off is that she will get in touch when things are bad and she is also worried about him... but she wont respond if I initiate contact. I told her that when she brought him back 18 months ago that i wished she had talked to me..... so I wish she would this time!!!

Anyway havent heard at all from him... which means he has found a place to stay and food to eat and is somehow conning her to bring him back up here. Sigh..... we shall see.

TL

 

[klmno]

in my humble opinion, I think this is where you need to step back and not contact girlfriend or him, except for maybe a weekly check in just to make sure he's ok. He doesn't think he has a problem right now- he's young and this is typical. No amount of people telling him he does is going to change that. He wants you to be his parent either way and you can, without enabling, by stepping back and letting him find out for himself if he can have the life HE wants while still using and going down this road. You don't have to support it, condone it, or anything else in the process but you can still let him know you love him and care for him, but really, I would suggest stopping the push for tx right now and let him find some answers for himself. As long as you are providing the reward or consequence or trying to push him to see what you think is obvious to you, in his mind it's going to come across as you trying to control his life. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Nancy]

not a big drug user i dont think

TL if she is even a little drug user that's a problem. If she is a drinker that's a problem. If he ever does go into recovery she needs to completely support that which means she cannot use or drink. If he doesn't go into recovery, his relationship with her will be disaster. It is the reason why they tell you not to get into relationships while you are in early recovery.

Nancy

 

[toughlovin]

Nancy - actually as far as i know she doesnt use drugs but i am suspicious that she is the one who came down to see him in which case she is a drinker....but i really dont know. I do know the relationship is a disaster and will continue to be....he is in no shape to have a healthy relationship at all.

Kimno - i have backed off. You are right and i am going to wait until he contacts me. I dont really feel i am pushing tx at this point but am setting a boundary that we will not help him financially except for tx. I am stepping back and i am not going to contact the girlfriend.....it may not sound like i am stepping back because i come here and say what i would like to do...but right now i am not doing anything except waiting and saying the serenity prayer.

TL