Well, helllo, detachment. Hope you can stick around awhile...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dashcat, Oct 27, 2012.

  1. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    difficult child has been working at Target for 1.5 weeks. She likes it (especially since she doesn't have very many hours!) and was very excited to get her frist paycheck yesterday. Her first plan of action: put gas in her car (she's run out TWICE in the last two weeks ... Mr. Ostrich bailed her out both times). Second plan of action: get a phone. She talked to Mr. O about being put on his plan. This is actually a good idea...he gets a discount because of his employer and Verizon is structured so that she can take advantage of the plan while having separate billing. She went to see him yesterday and proposed that he front her the money for the phone, put her on the plan and she'll pay for the phone (next paycheck) and begin paying on the plan. He told her to work up a budget with me first, because she should be paying rent here and that needs to come first. Put in my Ostrich-to-English translator, this means: I don't want to tell you "no" so we'll get mom to make it so I can say you can't afford it.

    Before we can even get to the rent thing, I ask what her excpected income will be, per pay after taxes. We plug the number into Excel. Then I ask "When is your car insurance due?" She answers "I don't have car insurance."

    I raise my eyebrows, calmly point out that it is the law in Ohio that she cannot drive without car insurance.

    She assures me that she knows this. She "couldn't afford" it

    The old me would have gone ballistic. Really? I would have asked..... Do you have ANY IDEA what it will cost you if you get caught?

    I simply suggested she check out what the consequences would be and let it go.

    The old me would have insisted on driving her to work this morning....

    and/or would have insisted that she walk to Mr. Ostrich's (1.5 blocks) when she went there toniight or that he pick her up.

    I did call Mr. O and filled him in and now, of course, he's the one telling her she has to be insured before there is any talk of a phone.

    It's a 4 mile walk to Target from here. If she gets caught and loses her license, she will be on foot.

  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Beautiful.......Just beautiful....
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hey Dash, I know I'll probably get tomatos thrown at me from some but here's my thought. Do you want her to quit her job because she can't get there? We are paying for difficult child's insurance. It's the lessor of the two evils. She can't afford it and she can't get to work of she can't drive her car. The way I figure it is that my main concern is that she keeps her job. Hopefully with the holidays coming your difficult child's hours will increase. If not she may have to get a second job. I would pay for car insurance and basic phone service so you can keep in contact with her. Maybe what you really need to do is have her pay you a certain amount each month that will go toward the insurance and phone.

    I flunked detachment 101.

  4. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    No tomatoes here ... I simply cannot afford it. She can walk if she has to. The thing is, she really, truly, does not care. She seems to have zero regard for the law and what that might mean to her.
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yeah I have one of those too. But Mr. Ostrich can afford it.
  6. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    They are twins, Nancy! I consider it a huge victory that I've gotten Mr. O to finally put her on his health insurance. It's not likely he'll pony up for this ....but miracles do happen.
  7. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good job :) This is her battle to fight. I actually think it's blessing i disguise that you can't afford to add her to your insurance. But I'm a hard-nose on those things.

    Oldest has had her license suspended twice for having no insurance. First time, she paid to reinstate it (or found someone else to). Second time, she couldn't afford it. She's been without a car and license for 5 years now, and has adjusted to it. I think it was a very valuable lesson for her to be honest -- it taught her to be resourceful. She just makes sure she finds places to live and jobs that are on the bus line. (note the plural -- she's gone through jobs and roommates on a regular cycle these past 5 years). She's also walked to work on many occasions. It limits her, but she's survived OK so far. She knows if she wants to ever have a job beyond bartending, she'll have to fix her license, though. I hope one day she will!