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Well, I was right and I wish I hadn't been
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 306281" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You are so right!</p><p></p><p>I was devastated when I was first told of difficult child 3's diagnosis and his poor prognosis. I set about trying to prove their first prediction wrong - that he would never attend a mainstream school, and would certainly not be ready for ANY school within a year. A year later he started in mainstream.</p><p></p><p>Thing is, I had to do it with very little professional help. difficult child 3 was on ADHD medications plus we got a TINY amount of not-very-useful speech therapy. The first speech therapist told me to NOT let him read - I said, "How do I stop him?"</p><p>My instincts were, let him read, because it is his first communication, for us it was the key to him finally learning to talk.</p><p></p><p>ML, I don't know if it was you back then, but I do remember trying to tell a 'newbie' whose child (to me) obviously needed to be assessed to check out for Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), to "change mindset". I got a flaming response because I got completely misiinterpreted. But if it was you, I think you know now what I meant. Part of the "change in mindset" is to NOT see Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) as major handicap but to look for the positives and find the way the child thinks, and work from there. Because while we either use denial, or wring our hands and wail, we're not helping our child. And in helping our child and changing how we see him/her, we're suddenly feeling a lot happier about it ourselves. Because to DO something, is to reduce your own stress levels and to feel there is some chance of a good outcome (or a less disastrous one) after all.</p><p></p><p>I look at people like Temple Grandin and even Kim Peek, and think - "my child could also be feeling happy and fulfilled, if I find the key."</p><p></p><p>I've had to often do what therapists told me not to do, if my mother-instinct was screaming at me to do this.</p><p></p><p>MWM, I'm sorry your daughter in law is so difficult. If your son can't currently do any of the things I suggest in any way - that is a great pity. But show him my suggested program, for the time when he CAN begin to do something. Surely a book like I suggested would be a loving thing to do? It needn't scream "Disability!" in any way. In fact, it's indicating an expectation that George could be learning to read any time soon. He can also do something like this for other children in the family, including cousins of George. That way it wouldn't look like he's singling out his own son for special attention (although what father wouldn't?)</p><p></p><p>Keep my list there, let him think about it and add his own parent instinct to it so he can develop his own plan. There MUST be times when he can interact with George, even if it's just reading Cat in the Hat to him. ANY book reading is valuable language-based interaction. Don't let him do anything to upset daughter in law, but work within those parameters. ANYTHING is good therapy at this stage. Whatever can be done, you pat yourself o nthe back for and try to not stress the rest. Meanwhile George will find what he wants and that also can give clues, to ways through to reach him and help him.</p><p></p><p>Even simple observation and diarising, can be invaluable later on.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 306281, member: 1991"] You are so right! I was devastated when I was first told of difficult child 3's diagnosis and his poor prognosis. I set about trying to prove their first prediction wrong - that he would never attend a mainstream school, and would certainly not be ready for ANY school within a year. A year later he started in mainstream. Thing is, I had to do it with very little professional help. difficult child 3 was on ADHD medications plus we got a TINY amount of not-very-useful speech therapy. The first speech therapist told me to NOT let him read - I said, "How do I stop him?" My instincts were, let him read, because it is his first communication, for us it was the key to him finally learning to talk. ML, I don't know if it was you back then, but I do remember trying to tell a 'newbie' whose child (to me) obviously needed to be assessed to check out for Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), to "change mindset". I got a flaming response because I got completely misiinterpreted. But if it was you, I think you know now what I meant. Part of the "change in mindset" is to NOT see Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) as major handicap but to look for the positives and find the way the child thinks, and work from there. Because while we either use denial, or wring our hands and wail, we're not helping our child. And in helping our child and changing how we see him/her, we're suddenly feeling a lot happier about it ourselves. Because to DO something, is to reduce your own stress levels and to feel there is some chance of a good outcome (or a less disastrous one) after all. I look at people like Temple Grandin and even Kim Peek, and think - "my child could also be feeling happy and fulfilled, if I find the key." I've had to often do what therapists told me not to do, if my mother-instinct was screaming at me to do this. MWM, I'm sorry your daughter in law is so difficult. If your son can't currently do any of the things I suggest in any way - that is a great pity. But show him my suggested program, for the time when he CAN begin to do something. Surely a book like I suggested would be a loving thing to do? It needn't scream "Disability!" in any way. In fact, it's indicating an expectation that George could be learning to read any time soon. He can also do something like this for other children in the family, including cousins of George. That way it wouldn't look like he's singling out his own son for special attention (although what father wouldn't?) Keep my list there, let him think about it and add his own parent instinct to it so he can develop his own plan. There MUST be times when he can interact with George, even if it's just reading Cat in the Hat to him. ANY book reading is valuable language-based interaction. Don't let him do anything to upset daughter in law, but work within those parameters. ANYTHING is good therapy at this stage. Whatever can be done, you pat yourself o nthe back for and try to not stress the rest. Meanwhile George will find what he wants and that also can give clues, to ways through to reach him and help him. Even simple observation and diarising, can be invaluable later on. Marg [/QUOTE]
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