Well I'm back from meeting with PO

[DammitJanet]

DDD...that is true here too. We actually had to have a second line installed because I wasnt giving up my phone line which I used to get on the internet for Cory to use for his ankle bracelet. I made him pay for it out of his check. We put the box in his bedroom. Oh more than one occasion when Cory and Tony got into it, Tony threatened to tear that box out of the wall...lol.

I will never forget the day the PO showed up to get the whole set up installed and Cory came out into the driveway which is about 10 feet from my front door to say good-bye to him and the PO barked at him that the driveway "wasnt a part of the house!" You should have seen Cory run for the house. I think depending on the actual area of the home, the average length of the tether is about 100 feet. My trailer is 76 feet so it had to be longer than 75.

We did figure out that Cory could sit just outside the house and it wouldnt go off. He would sit in a chair in the shade right up next to the house just to get some air.

This fact that they cant get too far out of the house is one of the reasons they set it up that Cory was off the tether from 8-12 every day. They knew he was living with me and that I couldnt go do any of the outside chores around the house like feed the chickens or the dogs or even take Keyana places when she was here. He needed to be able to take her out once in awhile when she was here. So nicely enough, they worked with us. I do think we got good people. Cory's PO was a stickler but as long as Cory behaved, he was an angel. If we needed to have Cory go off the tether for something important we could call and ask. They had to approve it but they only declined one time.

 

[klmno]

Goodness me- my boss called and we talked and he said he had a mom who was suicidal and a dad that was abusive and was a kid who by the grace of God didn't get arrested and he thinks I should bring difficult child home.

Yeah...until it interferes with my job, right???

Now, I can see all those transitional, in home services for a kid who was going wild in the usual difficult child nature and coming straight home to live. But if difficult child goes to a group home and suceeds and then moves in with me, how does an ankle bracelet, daily phone calls, etc, discourage him from becoming aggressive with me?

 

[DDD]

What is the difference between the therapy Department of Juvenile Justice is offering and the therapy suggested before? I haven't been there done that. on the other hand, lol, one of these days I'll probably have all the issues of the past catch up with me! DDD

 

[klmno]

#1- difficult child would be out of the home and not in a posiion to become aggressive/violent with me after opening up the emotional stuff in a therapy session and these things could be worked thru without leaving us alone in a house together while going thru this process

#2- there are other types of therapy than the behavior contract- anything Department of Juvenile Justice orders and pays for is going to revolve around a behavior contract; it will not address underlying issues that therapies in traditional settings or in therapuetic settings will/should

 

[Marguerite]

And DDD- it's funny you mentioned that about 'he came to Jesus and won't do it again'- that is EXACTLY what difficult child is claiming now, and no, I haven't scheduled his baptism over it.

I know those things have to be waterproof, but I'd be telling him the baptism can't be scheduled until the ankle bracelet can legitimately come off... because our church uses the ocean, and I think salt water might be a problem. I'd be telling him that, anyway.

On a serious note (after that little bit of flippancy - perhaps misplaced but I wanted to briefly lighten things for you) - I agree with you that just tossing home from where he is now, to back home, even with all the people checking up and the bracelet - it is too much change, too much increase in self-determination, for him to handle. And his record does not indicate ANY ability to handle this. I do think the bracelet is an improvement, it will be interesting to see how he goes. I'm not hopeful, though. He's going to be out of the house for school, where the ankle bracelet will give him 'street cred'. He is going to attract the very kids you need him to be away from, purely because of his unusual 'fashion sense'. And if he can't leave the house, his new friends can always visit (even if not permitted). Frankly, I'd be keeping him home from school, he could skip mainstream education rather than face that risk. Education would be a privilege he would have to earn. I'd be getting Department of Juvenile Justice to pay for an online option, but that opens up other problems with his behaviour in the past.

One last medication to add to his supplements - Vitamin D. You're going into winter anyway, and even if you weren't it does seem that it will be a long time before he gets to see sunlight...

I wish I had some decent answers for you. Make sure you ask for the PO's contact details 24/7, on speed dial. Ask PO to take him for a trial period first. Just to see the look of terror on PO's face!

Marg

 

[klmno]

LOL! thank you for the chuckle, Marg! It's odd that when I told difficult child that there are plenty of churches around this neighborhood I moved to so he could have his choice over ones to attend, since he has a new-found faith and reliance on an Almighty Power, he responded with "well, I don't know that I actually want to go the church- all that seems so boring". Yet, I've gotten several letters from him about Jesus forgiving him so I should, too.

Of course, I have explained to him that forgiveness is one thing- thinking it won't happen again or making parental decisions to optimize his chances of success are a completely different matter.

 

[Marguerite]

"Forgive the man who steals from you, but lock up your camels." - old Arab saying.

If difficult child wants to convince you he had a genuine "come to Jesus" moment, then he will have to go to church. Otherwise you can't trust anything he says. And church need not be boring. WOULD NOT be boring for someone who genuinely had a "come to Jesus". It should be his one passion, to spend as much time as he can in a worshipful environment.

I'm sure one of the churches in your neighbourhood has a higher proportion of young people, or a focus on youth outreach. But with the ankle bracelet, you have some leverage. If he will go to church, he can earn the privilege. And then those hours of freedom can be added to his schedule. But you would need to take him there and bring him home, or find someone you trust to do this. And with the increase of smart technology, perhaps the monitoring company could have the GPS details of the church and if difficult child strays his behind from those coordinates during the allotted time, it's a violation? He has a choice - stay home or go to church but be monitored in both places.

And surely for a kid fed up with house arrest, church would not be so boring after all?

Not that I'm tubthumping here, just trying to help an alleged 'new convert'.

Marg

 

[klmno]

I completely agree but my gut tells me that unless difficult child goes to a stringent group home first, we will have a repeat of last year and I cannot handle that. difficult child still could go wild upon release but at least if he's in a group home, the offenses will be different and he will have a better chance of it being dealt with more appropriately, sooner, in the courts. Mainly because they can't blame me for it and have him in the revolving door for 3 mos while they are blaming me, with him continuing to escalate the entire time.

 

[Marguerite]

That's it, in a nutshell. Say this in writing to the PO. Ask for assurances in writing that you will not be blamed by the system WHEN things fail, if they send him home without the halfway house option. After all, they want all this stuff form you - something in writing from them, stating what they seem to believe anyway (or are publicly telling you to get you on side), should be easy.

Marg

 

[klmno]

I just got off the phone with the lady from the re-entry program. I don't think I'm her typical parent. LOL! She started by giving me the typical sale's pitch about 'their services'. I listened then said well, if my son's goals are to complete his education, why on earth are you leading him to believe you can help with that then it becomes the carrot you are dangling in front of his nose when in reality you are planning on sending him to a group home where it's impossible to meet those educational goals in that sd? And while all those services might be wonderful, how on earth can I expend all my time and resources and emotional energy on a job, regular household duties, then umpteen appts, meetings etc ensuring POs goals are met so I have no energy left to even consider how to address my concerns- that your services aren't addressing?

So, it was left that she's going to check with her boss about difficult child possibly going to a group home in a sd where his academic goals can be met and she's going to 'check into some other things' that would address my goals and concerns and get back to me.

Seriously, this whole modality is based on completing this form about the family's strengths and weaknesses and each individual's goals. However, the POs goals come first, the kid's comes second, and even according to the attny I spoke to, the parent's goals 'are completed by the case worker in order to save time'. I let her know on no uncertain terms that I don't want my son set up for more disappointment and I don't need it anymore. If these things are just being dangled out there to be used as carrots to motivate us when in reality, we end up with nothing more than in home person to do a behavior contract, this kid is not going to come back to live with me, so start looking at long term placement. The ONLY way this is going to work with a reunification plan is for difficult child's goals to be possible and supported and my concerns to be addressed and my time/energy/resources being spent on those things- not expended on whether or not difficult child came home 15 mins later than PO said he should. IOW, don't give lip service to get me to buy into their program when they know they can't meet mine and difficult child's goals or address our concerns and needs. I didn't use those words, but I think she got the point.

 

[HaoZi]

Bracelets hooked to landlines? Wow. The ones I've seen are GPS-based and the only line involved is the power plug. They could pinpoint the wearer to within 10 feet, but that doesn't help when you need them hooked in for someone else to monitor them.

 

[Liahona]

Hope your needs/goals are addressed. I bet most of the parents she has talked to (while they have been through the ringer) haven't been held at knife point by their difficult child.