Well meaning people with "solutions"

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by mstang67chic, Feb 20, 2007.

  1. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    My aunt called me tonight and a thought occured to me. I was curious as to who else feels this way.

    She called to tell me about an episode of PrimeTime (or one of those shows) that was on tonight and had a story about dealing with unruly children (her words....not sure if it was actually the title). My first response wasn't to immediately flip over to that channel to watch or to even wonder what it was about. My first instinct (although I thanked my aunt for her suggestion) was to be angry. Not necessarily at her, she meant well. But angry because it was just one more well meaning person saying, "Here's another thing you should do/try/use to "fix" your child." without knowing the full story or the first thing about his day to day issues vs. what they see or think they see. I don't know how many times I've had people tell me about shows/books/programs/whatever and say that I should look into it because they say they've had great results with this method.

    I don't know why it just pushed my button tonight but it did. Enough so that I didn't even watch the show. I have no idea what it was about and I'm not even the least bit curious. I'm sure it's happened to a lot of us. How do you all deal with it?
     
  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Very simply. Remind myself that ignorance really is bliss.

    It makes me nuts, too, and some days are worse than others. But I know I'm doing what needs to be done and I can sleep at night.
     
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    My aunt does this to me: drops off magazines, saves clippings, yaks at me for hours about what I should be doing. Well, she should quit smoking. So I signed her up to receive all sorts of helpful pamphlets/flyers from the state on quitting. I never told her it was me, but now I change the subject to her addiction when she brings up my parenting. Stops her cold.
    What's that saying about people in glass houses?
     
  4. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: tiredmommy</div><div class="ubbcode-body">My aunt does this to me: drops off magazines, saves clippings, yaks at me for hours about what I should be doing. Well, she should quit smoking. So I signed her up to receive all sorts of helpful pamphlets/flyers from the state on quitting. I never told her it was me, but now I change the subject to her addiction when she brings up my parenting. Stops her cold.
    What's that saying about people in glass houses? </div></div>



    Even though I'm a smoker I have to say


    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
     
  5. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    TM -

    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

    Oh my! LOL That's a good one!
     
  6. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    my sister railed at me for being a smoker. SHe stood in front of me and my kids and said I could not possibly love my children becuz I am a smoker.
    a year later she stopped nursing her first born at 3 weeks becuz she wanted to have margaritas with her neighbors again for brunch during coffee clutch.
    And she goes to tanning beds. (my best friend died from melanoma)
    Same sister railed at me for having the audacity to not be a stay at home mom.....and for having children that in her opinion I could not afford. I was not a stay at home mom becuz my husband got very ill and our private disability insurance coverage company went bankrupt just as we filed the claim. Yet SHE left her children repeatedly with my mom who had lung and brain cancer and RA and mom could not pick the children up (they were infants) and she lied to mom, brought them to "visit" and then went out of town. Was gone days at a time.

    If I had a penny for every person who would tell me "you know there are medications for children who behave that way" or a nichel for everytime a person said to me "you know the school can't do that with your child, there is IDEA laws" I could retire to an island and buy a private jet.
    Yes I KNOW there are medications, gosh do you care to sit down while I name every single one and tell you the doseing amounts the expected therapuetic effect, the price per 100 pills and what OUR outcome was from each medication?
    Gee, gosh, what section of IDEA do you want me to recite for you, do you wanna see the due process transcripts, the school records, the advocates paperwork, the testimony of the school personne, the docs reports and recommendations, see the bazillion IEPS?

    medications work for some...and some people have dangerous adverse reactions. SOme illness have cases of medication resistant problems.
    and laws are only as good as the enforcement of the laws.

    I am doing the very best I can, thank you very much. Are you implying I am inadequete and incompetant?

    Ah, but.....really......some people really truly only do mean well. Some people really do want to help----and they feel so helpless. Some of them DO hurt for us and how hard this life is.
    There might not be many things worse than not being able to help someone you love with some difficult hard part of their life. - so sometimes they do keep trying.
     
  7. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    ps...when my sister stopped nursing her child, she also refused to buy formula, said it was too expensive, and fed her child skim milk......(she also did not want her child to get fat)
    My sister lives in a half mother in law $$ house. runs all over the country sightseeing.
     
  8. Loris

    Loris New Member

    Do I ever understand where you're coming from!!! I think many of us go through that. I think we will continue and need to ignore as best we can. I know it isn't easy.
     
  9. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    I so understand where you are at. I have reached the stage where if anyone starts giving me advice, I switch off in my brain. I know some of them are really well meaning, but I have discovered that the friends I like to spend time with are the people who don't thoughtlessly give advice, and if they want to make a suggestion they preface it with in my humble opinion or something like that. I just CAN'T STAND people who give advice.

    Love, Esther
     
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