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Well, my son thinks demanding respectfulness is abuse towards him...lol
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 597454" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thanks again, Barbara. I'm first reading tonight. It's good food for thought. I think 35 is a little bit different though. He listens to me sometimes and he makes it very clear that he is listening and likes w hat I said. But if I say anything that is too much what he doesn't want to hear or disagrees with, he tends to get abusive and stop listening or hang up, swear, etc. which makes me not even want to speak to him. Also, he is already middle age, more or less. I think is still young with plenty of time to grow and change, but you have to get moving by that age and you simply have to put in an effort and do it. I really believe he has a personality disorder medley that makes it harder for him to admit he needs help and get it. He has tons of borderline traits. He loves you or hates you (for the moment) there is no middle ground, no gray in his world. He also has narcissistic traits and is, for the most part, disinterested in other people unless they influence him. Thus he has alienated all of his siblings and his father isn't too found of his personality either. Nor am I. There's not a whole lot of good to say about him, as hard as this is to write down here (I have never even spoken these words at Coda or Al-Anon). He's not likeable. He doesn't have a good heart or a lot of compassion. He has frivolous values...having money and toys to show off is important to him. Living in a "good" neighborhood that others look up to is important to him. Stuff like that. He totally misses the simple things in life that are precious because they are free and nobody can ever take their beauty away from us...like the blue skies or the mountains or the sweet smell after a storm. </p><p></p><p>I do not have a ton of faith that he will change. I hope he mellows out as he gets older as a lot of people do. You simply can not go around telling your mother or anyone, "I will kill you. You will be dead." It still boggles my mind that he said those words. He has changed the way I think about him by saying those things. He did not sound crazed. He sounded very calm and careful when he spoke those words. </p><p></p><p>I sadly am glad he lives far away and is phobic about driving even too far from his own house. He's afraid of flying too. Very, very neurotic. I feel for him for that, yet he doesn't make things better when he drinks or takes too many Xanax.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for the feedback. I was probably rattling.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 597454, member: 1550"] Thanks again, Barbara. I'm first reading tonight. It's good food for thought. I think 35 is a little bit different though. He listens to me sometimes and he makes it very clear that he is listening and likes w hat I said. But if I say anything that is too much what he doesn't want to hear or disagrees with, he tends to get abusive and stop listening or hang up, swear, etc. which makes me not even want to speak to him. Also, he is already middle age, more or less. I think is still young with plenty of time to grow and change, but you have to get moving by that age and you simply have to put in an effort and do it. I really believe he has a personality disorder medley that makes it harder for him to admit he needs help and get it. He has tons of borderline traits. He loves you or hates you (for the moment) there is no middle ground, no gray in his world. He also has narcissistic traits and is, for the most part, disinterested in other people unless they influence him. Thus he has alienated all of his siblings and his father isn't too found of his personality either. Nor am I. There's not a whole lot of good to say about him, as hard as this is to write down here (I have never even spoken these words at Coda or Al-Anon). He's not likeable. He doesn't have a good heart or a lot of compassion. He has frivolous values...having money and toys to show off is important to him. Living in a "good" neighborhood that others look up to is important to him. Stuff like that. He totally misses the simple things in life that are precious because they are free and nobody can ever take their beauty away from us...like the blue skies or the mountains or the sweet smell after a storm. I do not have a ton of faith that he will change. I hope he mellows out as he gets older as a lot of people do. You simply can not go around telling your mother or anyone, "I will kill you. You will be dead." It still boggles my mind that he said those words. He has changed the way I think about him by saying those things. He did not sound crazed. He sounded very calm and careful when he spoke those words. I sadly am glad he lives far away and is phobic about driving even too far from his own house. He's afraid of flying too. Very, very neurotic. I feel for him for that, yet he doesn't make things better when he drinks or takes too many Xanax. Thanks for the feedback. I was probably rattling. [/QUOTE]
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Well, my son thinks demanding respectfulness is abuse towards him...lol
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