Well, now I've gone and done it

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by nvts, Jan 30, 2008.

  1. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    ...I had a meltdown. I don't know, it was an "end of my rope" thing and I had a total hissy fit.

    difficult child 1 was doing his homework. Someone knocked at the door and it was the girl up the street with her 3 kids checking to see if I wanted to order girl scout cookies (those icky ones with the coconut) for husband.

    I invited them in (ok now, already embarrassed because the house was a mess) the kids were visiting with difficult child's 2 & 3. difficult child 2 is trying to be a "polite host" so he's showing off difficult child 1's lizards, the fish and the dogs. One of the kids went to touch difficult child 1's toys and difficult child 2 said "oooo, don't touch his toys, he's a bad share, but he's really smart, and he plays nicely with me except for when I want to use his toys".

    difficult child 1 blows up, calling 2 "stoonahd, idiot, mind your business you dope" etc. They're getting ready to leave and difficult child 1 mouths off at me. The mother just looked embarrassed, but she's also the queen of gossip central.

    They left, and I lost it. I wouldn't help with homework, he got mouthier, balled up his homework and I told him "I don't care if you do it or don't" he balled it up more. I said something stupid along the lines of "I'll burn it up and then you won't have anything to turn in" (what the heck was I saying?!!!). He shut his mouth smoothed out the paper and asked me for help.

    I calmed down, went over to help and he started right back up again. "You don't care about us, you're mean, you love your computer, cleaning the house and cooking dinner more than you love us" yadda, yadda, yadda. I got up and sent him to his room.

    Up and down, up and down, Dad got home from work during a lul. He let him know under no uncertain terms that if he heard of this one being disrespectful to me again, there would be some wicked consequenses. He told him "you made the choice to be rude to your mom, and I've had enough of your disrespecting my wife".

    In hind sight, if difficult child 1 is going to lose his toys and priveledges for blowing up, since I blew up what do I lose? Please say it's the vacuum and the shopping priveledges!!!

    All joking aside, I feel like a class A jerk.

    Later taters!

  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    been there done that. We all have. You lose your self-respect for awhile. Can't say I blame #1 for being angry. I'd be pretty defensive if someone said I didn't share well, even if it was true. Just not something you want to hear. Can't blame you for being angry, either. You were embarassed. It's no fun to have your kids say and do stuff that is socially inappropriate, especially in front of the neighborhood gossip.

    So, if #1 got any consequences, I'd suggest you talk to your husband and get him off the hook. Apologize to #1 for your behavior. Explain that even moms lose it once in awhile. Don't put the blame on him and his behavior, just general embarassment about the condition of the house (if you feel you need to do more than apologize).

    Once that is done, let it all go. Give a good hug and be prepared for homework battle number 1,637,589 tonight.
  3. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    First of all, STOP beating yourself up about this!!! :warrior: Moms are human beings too!!! I think each and every one of us has "lost" it with our difficult children at one time or another. in my humble opinion, it is totally ridiculous to think that we can ALWAYS behave appropriately in front of our difficult children - We go through HE77 on a daily basis. We have our limits...

    One of the first things that popped into my mind when reading this is what a great job your husband did handling this. Your husband let difficult child 1 know that it IS NOT okay to disrespect you. By telling difficult child 1 this and by calling you "his wife" at the same time, husband has not only given difficult child 1 the message that being disrespectful to you isn't allowed, but also that he is behind you 100%. It also lets difficult child 1 know how much husband loves you. Way To Go husband!!!

    in my humble opinion, this is the most effective way to squash ODD type behavior. Once husband's comment to difficult child 1 sinks in, difficult child 1 will realize that you and husband are a TEAM. difficult child 1 will not be able to break this bond. You and your husband are way ahead of where my husband and I were when our difficult child 1 was 8 years old. Now, having learned the hard way, my husband calls me "his wife" when our difficult children are being totally disrespectful to me.

    Sorry you had a rough afternoon. I hope today goes more smoothly...WFEN
  4. mum2JK&TH

    mum2JK&TH New Member

    I think that you should go to your room without making any supper and you are grounded from any household appliances for at least a week if not more ;)

    been there done that and then done it again especially when it seems like they realized what they've done so you calm down a bit and then they start all over again! Yep, been there too! We all make mistakes and I probably would have felt the same.

    *edited to add that I agree, husband handled it wonderfully in supporting you :)

  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Ditto! I agree with MB, have a chat, give a hug, and let it go. Life is too short to let this eat you up inside. While all of us are perfect just as we are, none of us can be perfectly behaved all the time. Hugs~
  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Surprisingly, he sat down, did his homework, ate dinner and sat on the couch quietly (as told to do by Dad) for the rest of the evening. Not even a bunch of goofing off at bedtime.

    He was a PITA this morning, but no more than usual!

    Thanks for making me feel better (I'm not quite ready to apologize - I keep telling them "sorry" doesn't mean anything unless you don't intend to do it again so I have to figure out how I'm going to counter THAT comeback from him). Doesn't it stink that you have to figure out your responses to their anticipated remarks?

    Gotta love 'em (it's written somewhere in the rules!).

  7. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    As "perfect" as we would all like to be s*** happens. Take a step back regroup, put your armour back on and go get 'em! I also agree you should have to go to your room for the day and be banned from any and all cleaning items/machines! Sorry it was a rough day! ((hugs))
  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Three cheers for your husband. He rules.

    If I had seen this yesterday, I also would have gone along the lines of you are grounded from the washing machine as well as you are grounded from dealing with the kids for a week.

    Yes, you gotta love them. You don't have to like them.
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Stop beating yourself up. Ok, so you acted like a difficult child for a moment in time. been there done that Probably all of us have at some point or another.

    Actually sounds like your comment had a positive effect. He shut his mouth smoothed out the paper and asked me for help. in my opinion it is healthy for our kids to see that we have normal emotions from time to time.

    You can apologize and talk to difficult child about it when you're both calm.

  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    We all lose it. I don't believe in spanking, right? Well, one day I was at work and I called home and nobody answered. That scared me. My teen son was with my daughter and they were supposed to be home so I irrationally freaked out. When I got home, I saw them outside. They were supposed to call me if they left the house because they know I'm a basket case about them and would react just like this if I couldn't get them by phone. I dragged my daughter in the house and slapped her across the cheek.
    To this day she still brings up the time I "beat" her. I felt awful and apologized over and over again, but she loved to throw it in my face during her drug taking days. "You hate me, you slapped me across the face. I should have called CPS." :tongue:
  11. BestICan

    BestICan This community rocks.

    Hugs to you! I've certainly lost it, too. Just happened the other day for me when my difficult child was being so negative and rude that I couldn't take one...more...comment. So I shouted and even swore a little (proud mom moment - not).

    husband took over after that, and it was his calm words, not my explosion, that made a difference in difficult child's behavior. (Another good husband moment!)

    Nope, none of us is perfect. I heard a line somewhere, and I use it when I talk to my difficult child at times like this:

    "We're trying to be a family that..." (fill in the blank: "doesn't yell", "treats people with kindness," etc.)

    I like that line, because it says that we're all in this boat, we're all trying, and we're not perfect.
  12. Jena

    Jena New Member


    Dont' you dare feel like a jerk your a wonderful caring loving parent. we all have our moments go read my am i nasty post holy i was doing it alot. we are only human and it wears us down everyday.

    it's ok to beat yourself up.......

    Jen :)
  13. Jena

    Jena New Member


    It's not ok to beat yourself up!!!!!!

    This is why i shouldn't be in here while working.......LOL.....so sorry :)
  14. Lostparent

    Lostparent New Member

    When our kids start to act up and push or limits we send them to their room and when they decide to argue about it we start counting.5 minutes is added to the origanal time for every number we have to count.After their in the room and they decide to keep going we start counting minutes off bedtime.It took a few days but it works like a charm now!
  15. happymomof2

    happymomof2 New Member

    been there done that.... Tell them not to do something and then get angry and turn around and do it myself - slam a door etc....

    They ain't perfect and neither are we. I do apologize to my kids when I have a melt down, and that is usually at least once or twice a month - sometimes more. Hey I try to remain calm, I really do.

    They know exactly what buttons to push and when. Yesterday daughter and DS started fighting and I got so aggravated I hit the floor with a fireplace poker and broke the poker. Told them to shut up and do there chores. :angry-very2:

    I didn't hear a peep out of them for a few hours! Now was that a nice way for a mom to act. Think not. I shall go to my room no supper or household appliances for me either!!