Well...that's it.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Star*, Oct 7, 2009.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Tonight I got word from Dude that the fosters, the foster care group the caseworker and supposedly ME were "invited" to the fosters for a meeting last Friday. Gosh - I never got an invite or a letter or anything. But they told Dude I did, and told them I was too busy. :confused::mad:

    They had a discussion and without me there chose to get a new boy under age 12, and have given Dude until Dec. 31 to get out. No one is giving him options on where to go. The caseworker kept jeering at Dude "why don't you go live with your Moooom?" Dude finally went to his room. Dude said he's had all he can take.

    Monday probation called and told the fosters Dude missed an appointment. Dude said his appointment is the 14 - next Tuesday. No one told him about the call. Today probation called back and spoke with Foster Mom. Asked her to tell Dude to call him TODAY - very important. He never got the message. He said he was looking on caller ID to see in a job interview person called him and saw probation - he asked foster Mom if probation called...she said "Oh yeah - I told her nice things about you but I have no idea why." lol..lol....Dude said - What did she say? OMG what ?? Oh she said you have to do all your community service hours over because you never went and got your time sheet. Dude nearly had a spaz fit. The foster Dad refuses to "waste" the gas and insists that Dudes friend can take him (um duh - the guy works) and or his Mother can take him (um duh again - I work) and what the heck are you getting paid for? So the hours just got absorbed...so unless he gets the form tomorrow...the 40 hours are lost. Nice - really nice. So guess who's picking him up and getting the sheet then driving 40 miles one way to drop off the form? Yup - me...taking off work. And THEN guess who's going to the Foster care agency and the caseworkers office to give them a piece of my mind? Yup. Had it...

    But not UNTIL they find out that last night - When I dropped Dude off at his house - at 9:00 he knocked on the door and the fosters daughters live-in 40 year old boyfriend came to the door, looked out the window at Dude, shook his head NO...(I was in my car watching the entire thing) and then just walked off while Dude stood there knocking and begging to be let in HIS house. OMG I was furious. So Dude went around back...got a bicycle...loaded it up in my SUV and asked me to take him to a friends house 5 miles from there. He said he'll have to wait until 11:00 when the fosters get home and they let him in - which means riding home in the dark....5 flippin miles on country roads.

    I've had it. I have beyond had it. I'm not sure what I'm going to do - but I have had it. And the thing that gets me the MOST? They're all at church...because it's ....well just forget it. UGH. Some religion that must be. Church of the almighty buck I think.

    I can only imagine WHY someone would allow these people to foster ANOTHER child.
    Lasted edited by : Oct 8, 2009
  2. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I can't even tell you how mad I am for you and Dude. They better be glad Aunt Steely wasn't there, because I am quite sure I would have lost my cool with this heartless soul of a foster family. I am seriously sick of this s^&% our kids go thru. They know they can never live with us, and they are willing to do what it takes to take the world into their own hands , but yet................
    Really there are no words. All I can say is that you and Dude are in my thoughts and prayers.
    So sorry.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What church holds services on a tuesday night? None I have heard of. Wednesday sure but Tuesday...nope. I think its St. Tavern of the white trash. I know Dude needs a job but he probably can find one up here. Cory need a roommate desperately. Im sure dude can get his probation moved. We are much more lax here too. Just keep his car...lol. We dont need any cars.
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry. I don't have anything more, because it's just so wrong.
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    This is so wrong on so many different levels. Sending lots of strength to Dude and hugs to you.
  6. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I have absolutely nothing nice to say about those people. None of it is right.

    I am once again sickened by our system.
    Star* I wish I could give you any words of advice right now, just got some love to send you.
  7. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I would have gotten out of the car and pounded on the door myself, then called the police if they refused entrance. Your story seemed to stop here- is that what you did or did you take him to his friend's house?

  8. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    What in the world?
    I think you are likely right when you mention the money motive.
    From what I have heard, I guess at a certain age, the Fosters have a right to no longer allow Dude there and are taking advantage of this by doing whatever they want. Is that it? But there seems to be more going on here. Their tactics are cruel, to say the least. Whatever happened at the end of the night--at the end of your story? If they refuse to let him in, perhaps Dude should consider calling the police. Honestly, I would not worry one bit about him moving out in Dec. Hopefully, with creativity, you can find an appropriate living arrangement for him.
    Meanwhile, they need to know that they can't pull this stuff.
    Lasted edited by : Oct 8, 2009
  9. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Star, I'm livid beyond what I can explain, on behalf of your Dude.

    I don't even know what to say about the Dec. deadline for move out. I know it is a problem as to where Dude would be best after this placement. I will watch hopefully for your posts in the wish that you'll soon be posting about a great place for Dude when that date comes.

    That having been said, Dude will be better off somewhere else. This family (sarc) is being PAID to have difficult child there. He is legally entitled to enter the darn house!! That a YOUNG boy is moving in, under 12? OMG! Nope. I'd be blowing through the roof.

    Whatever agency has authorized this place for placements? They need a reality check! This place is run by the Gestapo! I've been there, done that, as a temporary resident in more foster homes than I can count. Believe it or not, I also lived in a place where I was only allowed in when the fosters were home, even if their bio kids were home. This included when raining, snow storms, -30 temps, etc. IT IS ILLEGAL!

    When it is closer to time for Dude to leave, I suggest a well written complaint. WRITTEN complaint. CC'ed to every state representative you can find a address for, the local media, anyone and everyone who might have an interest. You know, failed foster homes are BIG news these days. I am glad to see it. I luckily know the love and caring and support of a great set of foster parents as well. But you know, out of over 25-30 placements, I had ONE set of parents that cared about the kids and treated us as human beings.

    I wish I lived closer and had a granny suite apartment to rent cheap to Dude. I hope this works out for him. That he finds a place he can find happiness to call home.
  10. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Just hugs, Star*, just hugs for you both.
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Good Grief! Can Voc-Rehab be any help? Your situation is insane! DDD
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Try to answer some of your questions.....

    Legally yes, I could have sat in the car with him, called the police and had them tell the fosters he needed to be let in. Dude said he's not doing it. Did I want to go up and pound on the door? You bet I did. Did I want to go to jail for trespassing? Nope. Would they have called the law on me? Possibly. (shrug) I'm not violent, but they're nuts.

    This morning I picked Dude up and when I got there, the friend also came out of the room.??? The foster Mom had a little something to say to me about it in a not so nice tone. Up to that point? I was cordial. Then I said "Well I didn't know the boy was here with Dude, but I am not surprised because when I dropped Dude off, I sat out here in my car at 9:00 in the dark, Dude came up on the porch, knocked on the door to get in, your daughters boyfriend walked across the living room floor in a pair of gray flanel shorts, looked out the window at Dude, shook his head NO and went back to his room - So I had to take Dude, and his bicycle in the dark to his buddies house. Doesn't surprise me at bit that the buddy came here with him to make sure he got home safely. She just stared at me like - UT OH. And I said - WELL Since I took the day off WORK and I'm loosing MY pay to do someone ELSES job AGAIN- I need to get going. And walked out.

    I took him to the place he did his hours and they tried to pass it off that they didn't remember him. They also did not speak very good English and said that the owner was in Canada. SO I asked them in Spanish what they would do if the building fell down - how would they get ahold of their boss? He said "Well we would have to call him, but I don't have the number here." I asked "Where is the number I will take you to get it." - It was across the street. (Duh) I told them if Dude didn't take a simple piece of paper to probation with that info. TODAY - he was going to jail. IF he went to JAIL because THEY didn't do what THEY were supposed to do months ago - it would not be good for him could they please help us? He said I have no way to call - I held out my phone. Oddly enough? THAT MAN WHO WAS NOT AVAILABLE IN CANADA? lol....was at a local number....not even a cell phone. hahah.

    Then we went to probation. THAT was scary. Yuk. Can anyone say - clorox wipe? BLECH. Posted on the wall is a sign that says - people coming in there have TB, AIDS, the flu.....(Okay bRb...going out to my car for some of those little handy wipes) and I cleaned my chair....OMG the filth on that napkin was....:sick:. Then Dude came out (because I have to wait in the lobby) and his probation officer agreed to meet with me. ;)

    YEAH! I told her - HERE is my card. I am his REAL Mother - he has one, and a Step Dad....he's not just some "system kid" that no one cares about. I explained life as we knew it, the crud at the Foster home and enlightened her as to the "missed" phone calls, the NON-messages delivered...and why they don't take him and did NOT take him and did NOT give him the messages she left yesterday. Had he not seen her message on caller ID? HE would be in JAIL today -----HOW ABOUT THAT FAMILY? TELL ME THEY ARE NOT MANIPULATING the system. So.....with that knowledge....she redid the paperwork..and gave him a verbal warning. NOT a violation. He is not going to jail. We also got a lot of other things straightened out - like....There is a little girl that lives at the house who tells people that call he doesn't LIVE there - so jobs aren't being gotten. They don't give him MY messages.....OR HERS.....so I got him a cell phone.....here ....take the number. I told her about the fosters DAUGHTER choking dude...and the son kicking his car. I told her about them locking him out of the house...and everything else. I told her they are kicking him out to get a kid that they can keep QUIET.....and her jaw was on her desk....and I told her that he's tried to get disability - and he WILL work - but they are not helping and make him pay to bring him to MY HOUSE....and wont take him for interviews because gas is expensive....

    SO SHE is setting him up with Voc. REhab.....and will make SURE the foster is being watched to take him 3 days a week...:tongue: HA. :tongue:

    I also called a disability atty.......we're going to appeal....;)

    And now I'm goign to have a glass of somethign stronger than water.

    :redface: - MILK! WHAT A DAY......

    ANd as far as the caseworker? And the Foster system?

    YEah - they can go rot......DUde said he'd rather just find a place to go or live in a tent in my yard than continue to get their help....did not want me to go tell anyone anything today.......so fine.....I didn't. But I was ready for it. Another day perhaps.....
  13. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    It's just sickening to hear how he is treated by those people who are getting PAID to HELP him. I cannot beLEIVE how CRAZY the system is! He truly would be better off far, far away from those miscreants. Ugh.

    Here, Star (passes her a sugar-free strawberry margarita (double shot) with sugar-free sugar crystals around the rim) -- you've earned this!

  14. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That foster family should have their foster card pulled...seriously. They epitomize everything that's wrong with that system. I am angry for you. I feel bad for Dude.

  15. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Starbie, if you can figure out whom to notify....those fosters need to be reported in a major way. Like you said.....the last thing they need is another foster child in that house. Report could be made by a little birdie whispering in their ear. Because now, even though I don't know him, I worry about the new child they can keep quiet and what's going to happen to him in that house.

    Gawd how I hate the system. This is why I'd take in K's kids before I'd let them go to foster care.

    I know Dude is learning from all this......I can see it. Oddly it's teaching him and reinforcing what you've taught him about being a decent person and treating people right. And that is a good thing.

    But the other kids walking into that house most likely have no one in their corner to fight for them, to listen to them, to believe them.......which is exactly why foster family has gotten away with what they do.

    Man, I most certainly hope Karma comes around and whallups them like a hurricane.


    Glad PO listened and learned the truth. So glad Dude isn't going to be punished for things out of his control.

  16. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    There's many things that the crazy neighbor lady said will happen once Dude is gone from there - I doubt anything I say would have any bearing on anyone since I am the Mother of the "disgruntaled" boy being thrown out. This is classic - SHE (crazy neighbor lady) has a camera set up "supposedly" she said to keep her stepson from breaking into her house. Right? Well - she's been recording the cars and license plates of the people and the amount of children that come and go from that "we only watch 10 kid" day care/foster family for months. - Okay who's crazy now?

    Yeah - see I won't HAVE to do a thing. Once this woman has her day with the day care DSS board (she even knows how many licenses they have for how many kids and how much space you have to have per child and what kind of equipment and fire extinguishers etc) Not to mention IRS - exactly HOW many children's parents are paying cash?? How your employees are to be paid - (some of the kids working there are paid as casual labor and are not getting 1099's) State fire codes that they are over their limit and that some kids are transported to school in a car - NOT on a minibus (state law) - OMG...that's just the tip of that iceberg.

    I'm telling you - it's not ME that's blowing the whistle - the crazy neighbor lady has it all on tape.

    Know what I mean??

    So who's crazy now?

    As far as them having a foster kid? After the IRS, the Firemarshall, DSS licensing for daycare fraudulent reporting, get done with them - I'm not sure they WILL be able to get a foster license.

    What goes around - comes around - and CNL said since they felt the need to go to her dad and tell him a bunch of stuff about her? She felt like returning the favor. WOW I guess. I felt like saying - You don't owe me a THING...EVER. (lol)
  17. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Well..............I didn't say the little birdie had to be you. ;) LOL So much the better that it isn't you. Ohhhhh........I want all the details when CNL has her day!! Oh, yeah.......karma, baby!! :D
  18. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    I can't wait to see those fosters get nailed! They are sick people! And the things Dude has gone through have been horrendous, to say the least! I am glad you are getting an attorney for his disability. He will get it now, it is only a matter of time. I'm also glad you got his probation issue straighened out, he should not suffer because of those idjits!!
  19. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    As an ex-foster mom who went the extra 100 miles for every one of her fosters I truly hate hearing stories such as this. A psycologist once told me that as a foster parent I was "running with a bad crowd". It seems like nothing has changed in thirty years. UG! I have often felt that foster parents should be state employees with benefits and salaries subject to personality testing and security investigation before getting the job. I think then a better caliber of people would apply for the positions. I remember being appaulled that as an adoptive parent we were subjected to a far more intensive home study than we were as foster parents. Where is the logic in that? Anyway I'm glad that this foster family will be taken out and none too soon in my opinion. -RM
  20. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    RM is right....it's nuts that you can become a foster parent with little background checks and support. When husband and I took our classes to get our foster license, we went through a PRIVATE foster/adoption agency. We knew going in that we would be adopting as did the agency but as I understood it, we went through the same process that anyone would have. We took our classes, we had reams of paperwork to fill out, we had to obtain a legal background check from our local police, and I THINK....don't remember for sure...we did a federal background check also. The home study.....we had to have so many fire extinguishers, smoke alarms, an emergency escap plan/map on difficult child's door even though we hadn't even HEARD of him yet. We put cabinet locks in the kitchen and bathroom on cabinets that contained cleaning chemicals or OTC medications. We had to have complete and current shot/medical records on the pets.....they looked into every corner of our lives.

    Once we got difficult child as a foster, we had in home visits from the case worker 3 times a month and calls weekly. We had to get written permission to take him out of state, we had to provide so much clothing for him AND provide receipts to prove it. We were taking some classes even after we got him and some of the other people taking them were fosters through the state. They were AMAZED that we had so much contact with our case worker. They only saw theirs if there was court or a REALLY major problem. Otherwise? They were pretty much on their own.

    On the flip side though....there was one time before the adoption went through that difficult child had me at my wits end and I spanked him. It wasn't hard and it was only 3 swats but I turned myself in for it. Our private case worker was honest with me and said she didn't know what would happen. The state case workers? They told us that "We can see how he would get you to that point. Don't do it again." That was it. No note in the file, no written warning....nothing. Granted, I didn't WANT any of that to happen but I was amazed. I think in difficult child's case, he was the last kid out of this family to be placed, they were VERY familiar with the family and just wanted his file closed.

    The fosters in Dude's case though.....oooohhhhhhh...they've got it coming. I think between CNL, Dude's PO and you.....hehehehehehe...their little empire is going to come crashing down. I'd just make sure they don't know where Dude is so there isn't any retaliation. I wouldn't put it past them. Yeah, I'm worried about you but I KNOW they don't have a clue who they are messing with. :devil:

    Tell Dude that if I lived closer, he would be more than welcome to camp out in MY yard....heck....the garage has an attic he could fix up into an efficiency if he wanted. He could hang out with Cloe and Chester and maybe help kick difficult child's behind. :bigsmile: He probably wouldn't like it though. We get snow and it's COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD. A lot colder than he's used to down there.