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Well this day hoovered with maximum Bissell force
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<blockquote data-quote="mrsammler" data-source="post: 426521"><p>Many hugs, Steely.</p><p></p><p>I grew up in a Southern family with a very authoritarian Southern military officer father--not quite The Great Santini (i.e., no violence), but not far from it. Let me tell you: if any of us kids had EVER called our mother a b***h, Oh. My. God. The consequence from my father would've been nuclear: physical punishment (the belt was not spared in our home--something that I do NOT approve of and NEVER used with my kids--no corporal punishment at all in my home) plus a LENGTHY deprivation of privileges. It would've been essentially a lockdown of the harshest sort. But because of this, we NEVER did this. It was unthinkable.</p><p></p><p>I saw my late-teens difficult child nephew call his mother (my sister--raised in the same house as I was, amazingly) that word, the C word, and many worse vile combinations of words, and he was NEVER punished for it. Astounding. And wrt to difficult child claims of suicidal feelings, I know that's always a serious thing, but I also know that my sister's difficult child played that card every time he wanted to be let off the hook for bad stuff he'd done, and it always worked: parental fury melted into loving concern, and the memory/record of the bad misbehavior vanished in the process, which was the outcome he obviously sought. So I'm always skeptical about that--it so often seems to be an emotionally manipulative gambit from difficult children. </p><p></p><p>At the end of the day, he called you a b***h. And he's 20, not 15. And in so doing, he hurt you badly on Mother's Day. You're not asking for my counsel, but I'll give it: I wouldn't speak to him or let him darken my doorway for several months--pick a number over 2 and then stick to it, no matter what. If he presses you for an explanation, tell him that that's what happens when he disrespects you like that. X months from now, it's unlikely he'll do it again--not without thinking hard about the consequence, anyway. And meanwhile you'll get X months of relief from his misbehaviors--let him stew in his juices and unhappiness. I know it's hard to do, but it seems necessary--he can't pull stuff like this and then just walk away from it as if it never happened.</p><p></p><p>OK, end of unsolicited advice. I really am very sorry he ruined your Mother's Day. As the Bard memorably said, "How sharper than a serpent's tooth, to have a thankless child."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mrsammler, post: 426521"] Many hugs, Steely. I grew up in a Southern family with a very authoritarian Southern military officer father--not quite The Great Santini (i.e., no violence), but not far from it. Let me tell you: if any of us kids had EVER called our mother a b***h, Oh. My. God. The consequence from my father would've been nuclear: physical punishment (the belt was not spared in our home--something that I do NOT approve of and NEVER used with my kids--no corporal punishment at all in my home) plus a LENGTHY deprivation of privileges. It would've been essentially a lockdown of the harshest sort. But because of this, we NEVER did this. It was unthinkable. I saw my late-teens difficult child nephew call his mother (my sister--raised in the same house as I was, amazingly) that word, the C word, and many worse vile combinations of words, and he was NEVER punished for it. Astounding. And wrt to difficult child claims of suicidal feelings, I know that's always a serious thing, but I also know that my sister's difficult child played that card every time he wanted to be let off the hook for bad stuff he'd done, and it always worked: parental fury melted into loving concern, and the memory/record of the bad misbehavior vanished in the process, which was the outcome he obviously sought. So I'm always skeptical about that--it so often seems to be an emotionally manipulative gambit from difficult children. At the end of the day, he called you a b***h. And he's 20, not 15. And in so doing, he hurt you badly on Mother's Day. You're not asking for my counsel, but I'll give it: I wouldn't speak to him or let him darken my doorway for several months--pick a number over 2 and then stick to it, no matter what. If he presses you for an explanation, tell him that that's what happens when he disrespects you like that. X months from now, it's unlikely he'll do it again--not without thinking hard about the consequence, anyway. And meanwhile you'll get X months of relief from his misbehaviors--let him stew in his juices and unhappiness. I know it's hard to do, but it seems necessary--he can't pull stuff like this and then just walk away from it as if it never happened. OK, end of unsolicited advice. I really am very sorry he ruined your Mother's Day. As the Bard memorably said, "How sharper than a serpent's tooth, to have a thankless child." [/QUOTE]
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