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Well this day hoovered with maximum Bissell force
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 426604" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Sending lots of hugs and belated Mother's Day wishes!! I am both sorry that your difficult child chose today to poop all over you and angry that he then tried to get you to feel bad for him.</p><p></p><p>NO WAY was the switch to I want to die because I ruined your Mother's Day real or legit. No. Way. It was manipulation to make you forget his bad behavior and get you to lavish attention on him - to fix his problems and tell him it was "okay" for him to behave like a selfish toddler.</p><p></p><p>This was one of the things that the psychiatric hospital Wiz was in worked hard on with him. They explained to him that he manipulated people to get what he wanted and that he loved to justify his behaviors so that he could see us dance to his tune. "I know I snuck out last night after bedtime but I only did it because I really needed some time alone and you served rice for dinner and it made me sick and I wanted to just walk it off." kind of koi. </p><p></p><p>What helped the most was to put his problems and the consequences squarely back on his head. You snuck out, we stop letting you leave the property unsupervised. We also would say "manipulating" or "justifying" as he was starting or as soon as we caught it and then it meant that whatever he was angling for he did NOT get. After a while all I had to say was the words and he stopped instantly and would go do whatever he was trying to get out of. He got tired of the extra chores that were often the consequence.</p><p></p><p>Star and the others are right. It is time to work hard on detaching. You seem to be FAR more worried about him than he is. You cannot make him use the tools. You have gone WAY over and above what could reasonably be expected of a parent and now he must figure his way through this. I know it is hard. You have had so much on your plate the last few years. We are all here for you and we love you. Of course if your instincts scream at you that he is going to hurt himself then you must do what you must do. Otherwise, he is a grown up. You have made health care available to him, and that is all you can do.</p><p></p><p>(((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 426604, member: 1233"] Sending lots of hugs and belated Mother's Day wishes!! I am both sorry that your difficult child chose today to poop all over you and angry that he then tried to get you to feel bad for him. NO WAY was the switch to I want to die because I ruined your Mother's Day real or legit. No. Way. It was manipulation to make you forget his bad behavior and get you to lavish attention on him - to fix his problems and tell him it was "okay" for him to behave like a selfish toddler. This was one of the things that the psychiatric hospital Wiz was in worked hard on with him. They explained to him that he manipulated people to get what he wanted and that he loved to justify his behaviors so that he could see us dance to his tune. "I know I snuck out last night after bedtime but I only did it because I really needed some time alone and you served rice for dinner and it made me sick and I wanted to just walk it off." kind of koi. What helped the most was to put his problems and the consequences squarely back on his head. You snuck out, we stop letting you leave the property unsupervised. We also would say "manipulating" or "justifying" as he was starting or as soon as we caught it and then it meant that whatever he was angling for he did NOT get. After a while all I had to say was the words and he stopped instantly and would go do whatever he was trying to get out of. He got tired of the extra chores that were often the consequence. Star and the others are right. It is time to work hard on detaching. You seem to be FAR more worried about him than he is. You cannot make him use the tools. You have gone WAY over and above what could reasonably be expected of a parent and now he must figure his way through this. I know it is hard. You have had so much on your plate the last few years. We are all here for you and we love you. Of course if your instincts scream at you that he is going to hurt himself then you must do what you must do. Otherwise, he is a grown up. You have made health care available to him, and that is all you can do. (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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Well this day hoovered with maximum Bissell force
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