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Well this day hoovered with maximum Bissell force
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 426686"><p>I thought of you this morning.</p><p>I hope you are ok.</p><p>Part of me is recalling the years I felt so trapped trying to help my difficult child get better. And then I felt even worse when she was mean unappreciative, unkind and/or doing things that were dangerous.</p><p>IT took me a long long time to get it in my head that things were NOT likely to change. Even if they were to change, I was not going to be part of the change.</p><p>I think I hesitated to move forward 'cause I thought that if I didn't watch over her, no one would. And there are times I still think about this. It's not really true.</p><p>We help our daughter a little with medical things and a tiny bit with food. We also pay for her cell phone, but will cut that off for several days to a week if she is disrespectful to us. We do not tolerate disrespect and it took a little while...but she is MUCH better with this. I am fortunate (big time) that my husband backs me up on this.</p><p>Her life is scarey at times....going back and forth. Generally, she is medication compliant and generally she seeings her doctor for medications. She wont go to a therapist for talk therapy which is too bad, 'cause it has helped her in the past. But I can't be a policewoman.</p><p>When I detached, my life moved forward in leeps and bounds. Sometimes I am amazed at all that has transpired in my life since about three years ago...when I made the decision to detach. </p><p>It is still very hard. I have my moments. I suppose if I stopped everything and dedicated my life 24/7 to difficult child she would be every so slightly better...maybe and that is only a maybe. She would also likely be entitled. AND it is very likely...in fact it is almost 100% that I would be MISERABLE.</p><p>No doubt it was the right decision that 3-4 years ago, I detached. My life has improved one thousand fold. And difficult child has actualky improved a little. My house is clean and calm. I pray a lot and hope for the best. I am grateful for detachment. I talk to difficult child perhaps about once a week. We see her for holidays if and only if she is appropriate. If she calls with- drama, I keep it short. If she hints of suicide, I tell her to call her doctor immediately (I will pay) or consider going to the ER (if appropriate). But, I try not to worry about it. It is her disease. She needs to learn what to do. I can't control it. </p><p>Not easy. Not fair. But it was the only way. I am happier....and for the first time in a loooong time....life is going very very well for me....it is a good thing. Sending you well wishes....you are on my mind.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 426686"] I thought of you this morning. I hope you are ok. Part of me is recalling the years I felt so trapped trying to help my difficult child get better. And then I felt even worse when she was mean unappreciative, unkind and/or doing things that were dangerous. IT took me a long long time to get it in my head that things were NOT likely to change. Even if they were to change, I was not going to be part of the change. I think I hesitated to move forward 'cause I thought that if I didn't watch over her, no one would. And there are times I still think about this. It's not really true. We help our daughter a little with medical things and a tiny bit with food. We also pay for her cell phone, but will cut that off for several days to a week if she is disrespectful to us. We do not tolerate disrespect and it took a little while...but she is MUCH better with this. I am fortunate (big time) that my husband backs me up on this. Her life is scarey at times....going back and forth. Generally, she is medication compliant and generally she seeings her doctor for medications. She wont go to a therapist for talk therapy which is too bad, 'cause it has helped her in the past. But I can't be a policewoman. When I detached, my life moved forward in leeps and bounds. Sometimes I am amazed at all that has transpired in my life since about three years ago...when I made the decision to detach. It is still very hard. I have my moments. I suppose if I stopped everything and dedicated my life 24/7 to difficult child she would be every so slightly better...maybe and that is only a maybe. She would also likely be entitled. AND it is very likely...in fact it is almost 100% that I would be MISERABLE. No doubt it was the right decision that 3-4 years ago, I detached. My life has improved one thousand fold. And difficult child has actualky improved a little. My house is clean and calm. I pray a lot and hope for the best. I am grateful for detachment. I talk to difficult child perhaps about once a week. We see her for holidays if and only if she is appropriate. If she calls with- drama, I keep it short. If she hints of suicide, I tell her to call her doctor immediately (I will pay) or consider going to the ER (if appropriate). But, I try not to worry about it. It is her disease. She needs to learn what to do. I can't control it. Not easy. Not fair. But it was the only way. I am happier....and for the first time in a loooong time....life is going very very well for me....it is a good thing. Sending you well wishes....you are on my mind. [/QUOTE]
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