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Parent Emeritus
well told the 22yr old never to contact me again
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 564415" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Hi MM. I'm sorry you're going through this with your son. Abuse is abuse no matter whom it comes from, if your son is abusing you, you are right and appropriate in setting very strong boundaries which keep you safe and protected. If he cannot abide by your boundaries, then detaching become necessary. If you haven't mapped it out clearly for him to understand your departure is not simply because you lost your temper, you may want to make it very clear that it's his abusive behavior which you will no longer tolerate. I think the amount of time you refuse to see him is less important then the ultimatum that you will not see him as long as he is abusive verbally, emotionally, physically, mentally, any way at all, that the boundary is not time, it's his abusive behavior. If that was not made very clear to him, I would make it very clear. I would say, "when you can treat me with respect, when you can be sober and when you can appreciate me, give me a call, otherwise, your behavior is not going to be tolerated here. And, until you can meet those expectations, do not contact me." </p><p></p><p>Detaching from our kids is a very difficult road, but if their behavior towards us is abusive, it becomes necessary. Do not tolerate the abuse, you do not deserve that kind of treatment. It may be a good idea to seek some kind of counseling for yourself, therapy, a parent support group, a 12 step group, some place you can go to to be able to get support for all the feelings you are having about this. Many of us worn out parents need support to get through the process of detachment because it's such an unnatural and difficult process. I'm sorry you're going through this, I know how hard it is. ((((HUGS))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 564415, member: 13542"] Hi MM. I'm sorry you're going through this with your son. Abuse is abuse no matter whom it comes from, if your son is abusing you, you are right and appropriate in setting very strong boundaries which keep you safe and protected. If he cannot abide by your boundaries, then detaching become necessary. If you haven't mapped it out clearly for him to understand your departure is not simply because you lost your temper, you may want to make it very clear that it's his abusive behavior which you will no longer tolerate. I think the amount of time you refuse to see him is less important then the ultimatum that you will not see him as long as he is abusive verbally, emotionally, physically, mentally, any way at all, that the boundary is not time, it's his abusive behavior. If that was not made very clear to him, I would make it very clear. I would say, "when you can treat me with respect, when you can be sober and when you can appreciate me, give me a call, otherwise, your behavior is not going to be tolerated here. And, until you can meet those expectations, do not contact me." Detaching from our kids is a very difficult road, but if their behavior towards us is abusive, it becomes necessary. Do not tolerate the abuse, you do not deserve that kind of treatment. It may be a good idea to seek some kind of counseling for yourself, therapy, a parent support group, a 12 step group, some place you can go to to be able to get support for all the feelings you are having about this. Many of us worn out parents need support to get through the process of detachment because it's such an unnatural and difficult process. I'm sorry you're going through this, I know how hard it is. ((((HUGS)))) [/QUOTE]
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well told the 22yr old never to contact me again
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