Well we shall see....

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Feb 15, 2015.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Hi Everyone,

    I am getting to a different place with my son. Our relationship is better than it has been and I am letting go more and more. So my son texted me the other day, his girlfriend is moving out. So I am guessing they are breaking up! This immediately caused me to worry because his past history is when he breaks up with a girlfriend he crashes and burns. However this time he seems to be more practical... is thinking of how this is going to affect him financially and asked us if we would put him back on our phone plan and he needs a little help with rent. We had some small but sweet interaction as well in terms of our relationship. I realized that if he can get through this time without crashing and burning and ending up in the hospital or arrested then that is huge huge progress. I want to support him to do that so yes we are helping him out with the phone and rent. I know he is drinking and that worries me too.... but gosh he is no longer a kid he is now over 21 and so it is not illegal for him to drink. So I am staying out of that being any condition... because really he is across the country so I have no way to measure it, or even know if it is a problem. What I do know is that if he is overdoing it, then something will happen from it because it always does. So I am just letting it be, whatever it is and trying to be supportive and just love him.
     
  2. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that it's evident that they're breaking up. I recall you liked her very much.

    You're navigating a new territory in your relationship with your son, and it seem right. It's the way it's supposed to be with our adult children. You're wise not to push too much. I give you a lot of credit, TL!
     
  3. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Thank you! It certainly is a process... it is much more natural progression with a easy child kid....I think it is harder with a difficult child.....and I would certainly make conditions if the issue was his living with us or not!! I think it is easier to let go when they are not living with you.
     
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I so agree that it is easier to let go when they are not living with you. When I think of my daughter coming home I wonder how long it would be before we were each pulling our hair out. Many things I can overlook when we are not living in the same house.

    I'm sorry he and his girlfriend are breaking up, she did seem like a stabilizng force. I hope he does get through this without falling into past ways of dealing with stressful situations. If he can get through this it will mean a lot.

    It's nice when you can have an accepting and easy relationship with your adult child. They are no longer kids that we can protect from everything, they are learning how to make their own way and sometimes we have to just watch from afar.
     
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    So we talked to difficult child last night.... It was a good conversation. There are some issues around money between them and she isnt moving out for a couple of weeks. So they are in the same room which has got to be really hard. However his attitude about it is really good. I asked how he was doing with it all and he says its not a great situation.... but sounds like he is keeping his cool. He also said he is in a much better place than in the past and he is ok. That was a big relief to me!! So although its not great it sounds to mem from what he told us that he is handling it well. I felt good about the conversation.
     
  6. stressedmama

    stressedmama Active Member

    I'm sure that was quite a relief! Glad to hear you are ALL handling things seemingly well. Best wishes!
     
  7. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    Make sure to send your part of the rent to the landlord so he can't spend the money on drinking,
     
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